Frank Ocean Lays the Lyrical Smack Down on Chris Brown

Slightly tired of people writing songs about Chris Brown being an asshole instead of hitting him so hard that his teeth and tattoos fall off, but I guess Frank Ocean’s remix of “Versace” by Migos will have to do.

You all remember when Chris got into Frank’s face over a parking spot then Frank won a Grammy and Chris didn’t stand up because he was lime green jello?

I mean, I can’t hate on Ocean for turning at Taylor Swift Ln and Adele Pkwy because the line “I’m not Liberace/you could stay seated I’m taking that Grammy/your music is sloppy” is just too good and venting frustrations through art is mature high road-taking behavior or whatever.

In other lyrically damning news, Ms. Lana Del Rey, queen of Summertime Sadness and flower crowns, apparently wrote a song saying that Lady Gaga was booed off stages before selling twenty million records because she sounds like a man and can’t sing a lick.  Continue reading “Frank Ocean Lays the Lyrical Smack Down on Chris Brown”

Celeb-By-Celeb Breakdown of the 2013 Grammys

jennifer lopez grammy leg
The Grammys are boring, but you and I, we can pretend they’re not by focusing less on the gaudy “rock” and country music and more on the scandals, bad outfits and cleavage.

These are the most headline-worthy celebrities at the 55th Annual Grammy Awards

1. Jennifer Lopez

J-Lo joked onstage that she couldn’t give a cougarf*cking Casper Smart about CBS’s prude dress code memo, delivering a big f-you in the form of a giant, puffy genital-exposing gam.  Continue reading “Celeb-By-Celeb Breakdown of the 2013 Grammys”

Stories I’m Too Lazy To Write About [2-11-13]

Frank Ocean grammys 2013The Pope says he resigned because of health problems, but really it was —–> (Grouchy Muffin)

Justin Bieber handled not being nominated for a Grammy really poorly. (NY Daily News)

Massive volcanoes beneath the earth are going to explode and kill your grandkids. (io9)

Helen Mirren has short pink hair. Is the cougar-iest Tinkerbell you’ve ever seen. (Celebuzz)

Navy Seal describes killing Osama Bin Laden (“Bap!) as if he were a Batman villain. (Radar)

Lindsay Lohan looking to open a high-end Mexican restaurant in Tribeca? (Gawker)

Which Chris Daughtry do you like better? The fat pedo one or the ripped pedo one? (ohmyGAHH!)

Chris Brown Threatened To Bust a Cap in Frank Ocean

Chris Brown gun takersThere’s little question that Frank Ocean was “the victim” in the Chris Brown parking lot feud. He stayed behind to talk to the police, refused to press charges and even forgave Brown in a peace-themed Tumblr post.

New details from the official police report have everyone wondering how a 25-year-old could harness such restraint and maturity.

In the report, Ocean says Brown’s entourage kicked him while he was on the ground and hurled homophobic slurs at him as he was told “We can bust on you too!” (bust as in, shoot) by Chris during their three-minute fight.

Continue reading “Chris Brown Threatened To Bust a Cap in Frank Ocean”

Frank Ocean Wants Chris Brown Poked With Splintery Penitentiary Wood

92387985JK095_POWER_105_1_SYesterday I told you about the latest barnyard rooster fight where Chris Brown and Frank Ocean went into a trance of unnatural posture and puffed-out chests over a parking space or whose wattle hangs lower.

Well, today there are various reports relating to the tussle. My favorite is that Frank Ocean wants to press charges.

You know how Iron Man has that shrapnel magnet in his chest? Well, in my dreams, Chris is in a jail cell with a guy who holds the remote control to a giant buttplug in his ass, and every time he misbehaves, it deeply penetrates him AND shocks him with 2000 volts of electricity. Even better than heart-piercing shrapnel, yeah? Continue reading “Frank Ocean Wants Chris Brown Poked With Splintery Penitentiary Wood”

Chris Brown and Frank Ocean Skirmish Over Recording Studio Parking Spot

Frank Ocean Chris BrownChris Brown, Frank Ocean, and their respective entourages rumbled Sunday night over rights to a parking space at Westlake Studio. Sources tell TMZ that Frank blocked Chris from leaving, claiming ownership of the parking spot and studio.

They then say that Chris went to shake his hand, and one of “Frank’s people” hit Chris. Team Brown hit back and then Frank and Chris started brawling with each other.

Chris bolted from the scene while Frank stayed behind to talk to the cops, which makes it hard to believe that he’s the one who instigated the fight.  Continue reading “Chris Brown and Frank Ocean Skirmish Over Recording Studio Parking Spot”

Miley Cyrus For Cosmopolitan, March 2013

Miley Cosmopolitan coverMiley Cyrus does a lot of name-dropping in her “It’s Miley, Bitches” interview with Cosmo. The names of her “competition” or radio buddies (Rihanna, Nicki Minaj, Ke$ha, Lady Gaga, Frank Ocean), collaborators (Tyler, The Creator, Mary J. Blige), influences (Johnny Cash, Nelly, Dolly Parton) and of course her husband, Liam not-Thor Hemsworth.

On being herself on her new album: I really didn’t want to make a hip-hop record, and I’m not trying at all to be a Rihanna or a Nicki [Minaj]….That’s not my vibe.

Her musical background: When I was growing up, my older brother would sneak me Nelly CDs, my dad had me listening to Dolly [Parton] and Johnny [Cash], and my mom is a complete metal head. So this record is a weird mixture of all that.  Continue reading “Miley Cyrus For Cosmopolitan, March 2013”

Frank Ocean Added to List of Musicians Busted For Marijuana Posssesion

Frank Ocean the scream 1Frank Ocean, who sings “Too many bowls of that green, no Lucky Charms” in the song “Super Rich Kids,” joined gangster Fiona Apple as a notable star busted for possession in 2012.

Cops pulled Ocean over for speeding then smelled something familiar when they approached the window of his BMW.

Ocean was cited (but not booked) for possession (of a “small bag”), having too much tint to his windows and driving with a suspended license.

After the incident Frank (born Christopher Breaux), wrote “hi guys, i smoke pot. ok guys, bye” on Twitter.

Rihanna Sings Song About Chris Brown To Room Full Of… Chris Brown, At 2012 VMAs [UPDATE]

I’m watching the VMAs right now and as usual, I’ve been tricked into it.

Tricked by my own memories, memories of Rage Against The Machine, Triumph The Insult Comic Dog, and slave Britney Spears with a snake, (hell I’d take post-bald Britney huffing around to “Gimme More”).

This time, Kevin Hart hosts. He’s like tiny Chris Rock, without the humor. Lackluster Hart came out surrounded by midget bodyguards, then rhymed his way through some Laffy Taffy jokes, spending more time congratulating people than insulting them.  Continue reading “Rihanna Sings Song About Chris Brown To Room Full Of… Chris Brown, At 2012 VMAs [UPDATE]”

Stevie Wonder Uses The Word ‘Confused’ When Describing Frank Ocean’s Sexuality

Stevie Wonder sounds less homophobic and more confused himself when he talked to The Guardian about Frank Ocean, who came out just days before the release of his commercially successful freshman album Channel Orange.

When journalist Paul Lester asked Wonder in an early morning interview about his influence on Ocean, he responded with a simple “Yeah, I like Frank.”

Upon revisiting the subject, and delving into Ocean’s sexuality, Wonder said:

“I think honestly, some people who think they’re gay, they’re confused, people can misconstrue closeness for love. People can feel connected, they bond.”  Continue reading “Stevie Wonder Uses The Word ‘Confused’ When Describing Frank Ocean’s Sexuality”

Hip-Hop Artist Frank Ocean Admits To Loving A Man

Frank Ocean of Odd Future (one part Tyler, The Creator who says “faggot” 213 times on his solo album, Goblin) has come out in a letter/screenshot of a TextEdit document posted on his Tumblr.

Actually, we’re assuming he’s coming out as either gay or bisexual since he writes about his first love who happened to be a man. “4 summers ago, I met somebody. I was 19 years old. He was too,” the letter says.

Ocean is arguably the first notable person in hip-hop/rap to claim a place in the LBGT community (trans man Katastrophe could fight for that title).  Continue reading “Hip-Hop Artist Frank Ocean Admits To Loving A Man”