Unlucky Asian Man Spends Half His Life Arguing His Real Name Is ‘Phuc Dat Bich’

phuc dat bich passportThis Vietnamese man is so phucking tired of having his social media accounts deleted by biches who doubt the legitimacy of his name.

That’s right, 23-year-old Australia-native Phuc Dat Bich (pronounced “Phoo Da Bic”) posted a photo of his passport to prove once and for all that he is not playing a prank on Facebook.

Bich says administrators have suspended his account multiple times due to their policy of users registering under their legal names, suggesting that it’s “because he’s Asian.”  Continue reading “Unlucky Asian Man Spends Half His Life Arguing His Real Name Is ‘Phuc Dat Bich’”

Awesome Honest Valentine’s Cards Will Help Keep Your Heart Frozen

honest funny valentine's card 3

Resist the urge to give Hallmark your hard-earned money with these totally honest Valentine’s Cards. For that person in your life that you’re not sure about at all but were thinking about sending flowers to because you don’t want to be alone…  Continue reading “Awesome Honest Valentine’s Cards Will Help Keep Your Heart Frozen”

Stories I’m Too Lazy to Write About [1-28-15]

Paris Hilton monkey whacking it gif

 No man or monkey is immune to Paris Hilton‘s feminine charms. (Uproxx)

Amada Peet (wife of creator David Benioff) hates Game of Thrones(Gawker)

33% increase in people being idiots with guns at the airport since 2013. (Mental Floss)

Eat as much fat as you can because it‘s delicious keeps you young. (MaxWorkouts)

Woman born with adactylia talks pros and cons of Freakshow’s Lobster Boy. (Jezebel)

One of Blink 182‘s lead singers is still in the band but refuses to tour or record. (Spin)

Football-playing children will grow up braindead. Might I suggest ballet? (Time)

The new Ghostbusters movie is basically Bridesmaids 2 with ghosts. (CinemaBlend)

Video: Woman Keeps an Arsenal of Useful Items in Her Bra

Some women keep money in their bras, or weed, like my best friend. Others take it to another level… Watch this magician in action as she pulls a flash, a fifth of vodka and a whole bunch of keys out from under her boob like it’s nothing.
woman pulling things out of bra  woman keys and vodka in bra
Couldn’t even tell any of that stuff was in there, could you? (Via Grouchy Muffin)

Sofia Vergara, Emma Stone, Jeremy Piven Read Mean Tweets

Julia Roberts mean tweetIn Jimmy Kimmal’s latest edition of celebs reading outrageous tweets about themsevles, Courtney Cox gets called a “p*ssy hoe” while Kit Harrington is a “big bitch” and Julia Roberts simply has gaping lips that swallow 10,000-pound African land mammals whole.

Users also wonder why Sofia Vergara talks “like she has a d*ck in her mouth” and say they hope Jeremy Piven’s falls off in public, so I was thinking to save time his d*ck could fall off and land in Sofia Vergara’s mouth during the day on the Hollywood Walk of Fame while Emma Stone, who reeks of cat piss, videotapes it and Gary Oldman narrates.  Continue reading “Sofia Vergara, Emma Stone, Jeremy Piven Read Mean Tweets”

GQ Made Julia Louis-Dreyfus Bang a Clown

Julia Dreyfus clown sexFirst of all, I want to applaud Time magazine for trying to write a serious piece about Julia Louis-Dreyfus’ “lust-filled embrace” with a shirtless clown.

While they chose the title “Clown Sex and the Rise of Funny-Naked Women,” Gawker went with the much more straightforward and attention-grabbing “Julia Louis-Dreyfus F*cks a Clown For GQ.”

It’s not too hard to imagine Louis-Dreyfus agreeing to this, seeing as it was for the Comedy Issue, listing her as one of the “15 Funniest People Alive,” and this picture is definitely funny.

What’s almost better is the photo of the aftermath. #ClownBaby

Dreyfus is on a roll lately, also causing a bit of a controversy when she posed for an April cover of Rolling Stone with words from the US Constitution tattooed on her nude body.

GIF: Girl Lights Herself On Fire While Twerking


Your new favorite video of the month and possibly the year is out. I don’t know if you saw it yet? Girl twerks against door, door opens, girl falls onto a glass table full of candles and lights her stretchy pants on fire?

Before you make a joke about Miley’s tongue-wagging VMA performance, keep in mind that this is something you’d actually want to re-watch.

Anybody down to twerk by the fries at McDonald’s for a grease fiery sequel on Saturday?

Funny Video: Peyton and Eli Manning – “Football On Your Phone” Rap

Derpy quarterback bro duo Eli Manning and Peyton Manning filmed a pretty great commercial for DirecTV called “Football On Your Phone” looking like one anti-swag Dana Carvey and one hair clone of Alice from the Brady Bunch both mastering Mr. Potatohead face.

“Look at this guy using his phone as a phone. Your phone ain’t for calling, your phone is for football.”
Eli Peyton gif football on your phone

Funny Video: I Wanna Channing All Over Your Tatum

Jamie Foxx proved himself the biggest celebrity Channing Tatum fan on Sunday during Jimmy Kimmel’s after the Oscars special. The White House Down co-stars appeared on the show following the debut of the Movie: The Movie: 2V trailer starring everyone from Bruno Mars to Oprah.

“I went from being a slave to the president,” Foxx said of the time between Django and the new secret service action flick, adding, “I have not had that many women call me to try to be on a set in my life.”
Continue reading “Funny Video: I Wanna Channing All Over Your Tatum”

Funny Video: Honest Trailer – Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull

In 2008, Steven Spielberg helped George Lucas destroy the Indiana Jones franchise the way he destroyed Star Wars, only instead of Jar Jar Binks (whose only saving grace is a Rolling Stone article from 1999 about the actor who played him), he used gopher hills, Shia LeBeouf and aliens.

Screen Junkies, makers of Honest Trailers for Inception, The Dark Knight Rises and more, feel your pain. It almost hurts to relive the montage of old-age Indy jokes and CGI monkeys.  Continue reading “Funny Video: Honest Trailer – Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull”

Funny Video: Celebrities Read Mean Tweets #3

Jimmy Kimmel released his third “Celebrities Read Mean Tweets” segment on Tuesday to commemorate the six-year anniversary of Twitter existing.

The first two featured recent guests like Justin Bieber, Anna Faris, Snooki, Kristen Stewart and Katy Perry reading grammatically questionable Tweets attacking their character, appearance, and/or career.

Continue reading “Funny Video: Celebrities Read Mean Tweets #3”

Funny Video: Strangers Getting Hugged

YouTube user “LAHWF” (Losing All Hope Was Freedom) usually uploads videos of people’s reactions to being touched, getting cut off in line, or having their food stolen. This is no different.

Dude opened his arms to strangers in Venice Beach and the majority of them didn’t ignore him. Most hugged back! Being a pessimist is so hard sometimes.

Funny Video: “How To Dance Goth”

This new instructional video, written and choreographed by Jim Sweeney of Hubba Hubba Goth Revue, will answer all your questions about the goth girl dancing in the corner to a Bauhaus tape.

How does she do it? What is her source of inspiration? Now you know, goth dances are simple. Once you have the makeup and dress down, simply “imagine that you are surrounded by spiderwebs.”

Continue reading “Funny Video: “How To Dance Goth””

‘The Ringer’ Vs. ‘The Secret Circle’ On The CW

The CW is pumping new content into the air at a more rapid rate than redneck teeth fall into whiskey bottles.

Not only did the first episode of all-star ANTM premiere, but their two thematic efforts, The Secret Circle (witches) and The Ringer (twins) aired.

Let’s be clear, BOTH shows are travesties and great examples of bad sets, casting and dialogue BUT if you have to watch one, The Secret Circle is much much more entertaining…

Continue reading “‘The Ringer’ Vs. ‘The Secret Circle’ On The CW”

The CW’s ‘Secret Circle’ Witch Show Promo

First of all, I know The Vampire Diaries is a super popular show on The CW, not to mention Supernatural, so it was only inevitable that the notoriously childlike network that so desperately wants to be taken seriously would further capitalize on that.

Now two new shows are constantly being promoted on The CW, that confusing new Sarah Michelle Gellar show, The Ringer and The Secret Circle, which is apparently about teenage witches.

Just a few things I might point out about this promo, the way they used The Kills’ “DNA,” an actual legitimately amazing songs AND the best thing of all, the quote towards the end,

“You’re a witch, we all are.”

Continue reading “The CW’s ‘Secret Circle’ Witch Show Promo”

Lady Gaga’s “Yoü & I” Video Revealed

The “You & I” video was premiered today (on Madonna’s birthday!) as Mother Monster’s promised 1000th tweet. I’m not sure if my screen is broken or what but right now the video has 302 views??? WHAT?? It’s been out for several hours what is going on?

…Honestly it’s more like the “I & I” video has been revealed. Lady Gaga’s male alter-ego Jo Calderone makes an appearance in the video, smoking and looking hysterical. Also turquoise Gaga, long and short black-head Gaga, Blonde Gaga and horny flopping-mermaid Gaga, of indistinguishable color.

Continue reading “Lady Gaga’s “Yoü & I” Video Revealed”