HBO ‘Game of Thrones’ Recap: Season 5, Episode 1

Young-Cersei-Lannister

‘Game of Thrones‘ is officially underway, and as usual, showrunners David Benioff and D.B. Weiss managed to make a lot happen in the latest 50 minute-long episode of the hit HBO series.

***Warning: spoilers ahead***

The season five premiere, titled “The Wars to Come,” opens with a glimpse of a young Cersei Lannister fearlessly convincing a friend to approach a witch’s hut with her. While Cersei doesn’t suffer the fate of fellow classic fantasy-characters Hansel and Gretel, it wouldn’t be a George R. R. Martin production without a little bloodshed and heartache.

“You’ll never wed the prince, you’ll wed the king,” the messy-haired sorceress tells Cersei after commanding her to prick her finger. “You’ll be queen, for a time,” she ominously continues. “In comes another, younger, more beautiful, to cast you down and take all you hold dear. The king will have twenty children, and you will have three. Gold will be their crowns, gold their shrouds.”

In one short scene, Cersei learns much of what we know about her adult life. From Margaery Tyrell‘s marriage to Tommen, to Robert Baratheon‘s bastard sons and her incestual relationship with Jaime Lannister.  Continue reading “HBO ‘Game of Thrones’ Recap: Season 5, Episode 1”

Trailer: Game of Thrones Season 5

All your favorite, scattered medieval peeps are returning in April and instead of finding each other they’re going to die get even more spread out! (See Varys and bearded Tyrion drifting towards the Khaleesi, Arya all by her lonesome in Bravos.)
  
Various websites keep telling me that season 5 may kill me be a “tough watch” for attached fans and Sansa is going to go through an “intense trauma,” so not only are more Starks going to die, but prepare to get bombarded with new characters like Oberyn’s daughters and brother, the High Sparrow and more!  Continue reading “Trailer: Game of Thrones Season 5”

Mirror, Mirror on the Wall, Who is the Bitchiest Queen of All?

Cersei Lanniser, played by the lovely Lena Headey (Keira Knightley with slightly darker hair and a bicep tattoo?) is without question the bitchiest queen of all second only to Elton John.

For proof, check out Lena’s split second transition from laughing demure female celeb on a talk show to cutthroat, wine-drinking devil woman delivering the best verbal low blows of all time straight to Jimmy Kimmel’s heart. Continue reading “Mirror, Mirror on the Wall, Who is the Bitchiest Queen of All?”

Ermahgerd I Need Somebody to Hibernate With Until ‘Game of Thrones’ Comes Back

With four major deaths and a fight scene just as epic as the Mountain/Viper showdown, the Game of Thrones finale was everything we hoped for except that it was only the 10th episode and that one guy who was evil but oddly likable totally croaked either by a crossbow bolt or a sword/falling down a hill.

But honestly, how on earth will you spend your Sunday nights now that Thrones is over??

I know I’ll be parading around pretending like this will be the finale that causes me to read all the Song of Ice and Fire books as soon as I have a free second. (Which is never, because I’m always busier scratching my nose until my brain leaks out.) Continue reading “Ermahgerd I Need Somebody to Hibernate With Until ‘Game of Thrones’ Comes Back”

Prince Oberyn Weighs in on that Shocking Trial-By-Combat

pedro pascal the mountain instagram ** Read no further unless you’re caught up on Game of Thrones or love spoilers! **

Pedro Pascal has talked in great lengths about the outcome of his character’s epic fight against the Mountain on Game of Thrones in the name of Tyrion Lannister and his dead sister, Elia Martell.

To Access Hollywood, on identifying and falling in love with Prince Oberyn “The Viper” Martell:

I found him very delicious. I also found him very, very honorable and very progressive and just an all-around badass, not because he’s a great fighter and because he likes to f*ck everything that moves, but because he has morals that I identify with. So it was always very hard for me to kind of like, detach myself from my own heartbreak that the character goes out the way that he goes out.

Pascal said in that same interview that he wouldn’t hesitate to star in a sort of Red Viper origin series or movie, as unlikely as that is.  Continue reading “Prince Oberyn Weighs in on that Shocking Trial-By-Combat”

Everything You Need to Know About the Actor Who Plays ‘The Mountain’

the mountain actor game of thronesThe first thing to know about the latest actor to tackle the role of Gregor Clegane a.ka. “The Mountain” on Game of Thrones, is that he’s not a trained actor at all, he’s a competitive weightlifter.

At 6’9″ and nearly 420 pounds, Hafthor Bjornsson (nicknamed “Thor” and “The Icelander”) is the third strongest man in the entire world, and the strongest in Iceland. And a role on Game of Thrones isn’t the only unique offer Bjornsson has received based on his physique. 

In 2013, the Indianapolis Colts almost added him to their roster, and it’s likely that other teams expressed interest, as Bjornsson once said that he “had to choose” between his training in the gymacting and the NFL.  Continue reading “Everything You Need to Know About the Actor Who Plays ‘The Mountain’”

241 Babies Named ‘Khaleesi’ Last Year

dragon baby mobileGame of Thrones is SO popular, you can’t even look through a window without seeing your conservative neighbors licking cherry syrup off each other in Khal Drogo and Daenerys outfits.

It’s the most pirated show of all time, it’s getting its own video game, Stark daughters Maisie Williams and Sophie Turner are reigning queens of social media, and people are naming their damn children after characters on the show.

According to the Social Security Administration, 1135 parents in America named their newborns “Arya” in 2013 and 241 went with “Khaleesi,” after the mother of dragons.

Man, pretty much any baby with that name is going to be a huge disappointment. Oh, Khaleesi said her first words today? Khaleesi used the big girl potty for the first time?? Took her first step? CALL ME WHEN SHE’S TAKING THOSE STEPS INTO A FIRE WITH THREE PETRIFIED DRAGON EGGS!!  Continue reading “241 Babies Named ‘Khaleesi’ Last Year”

Crowned White Walker From Last Week’s ‘Game of Thrones’ Was Once a Stark Named Bran?

Night's King Game of Thrones walkerAn HBO GO employee accidentally spoiled that baby-stealing white walker as being a legendary figure in Game of Thrones lore in a summary of the “Oathkeeper” episode, and his story is quite interesting.

Known as the Night’s King in the books, the walker was once a Commander of the Night’s Watch, and according to Old Nan in a Storm of Swords, a former Stark who shared not only bloodlines with Bran, but also a name.

The Night’s King lost himself over a woman with ice-cold skin and bright blue eyes and was taken down by rulers of Westeros (including his own brother) after committing “horrific atrocities” that included sacrificing to the walkers.

While Old Nan probably made him a Stark with the same name to scare children embellish the story, this has fans wondering how the legend of the Night’s King ties in with Bran’s current storyline.  Continue reading “Crowned White Walker From Last Week’s ‘Game of Thrones’ Was Once a Stark Named Bran?”

King Joffrey Actor Jack Gleeson Says Purple Wedding Scene ‘Was Fun’

Joffrey there's no cure for being aLast night’s episode of Game of Thrones, titled “The Lion and The Rose,” featured the long-awaited union between Joffrey Baratheon and the redhead with the good boobs known to fans of the series as the “purple wedding,” and holy crap, I haven’t been this happy since my mom got me a golden retriever puppy in third grade.

For weeks I’d been trying to figure out what the hell a purple wedding even was, and I’m not going to say anything spoiler-y, I’m just going to tell you to watch it. Be one of the million oomanz to illegally download it. Get HBO. Read the book. I don’t care…

On filming the now-famous scene, Jack Gleeson saidIt was fun in the end, but kind of stressful to be so focused, but acting like you’re completely unfocused. Difficult, but exciting.”   Continue reading “King Joffrey Actor Jack Gleeson Says Purple Wedding Scene ‘Was Fun’”

What ‘The Hound’ Looks Like Without a Beard…

The slightly uneventful but still wonderful first episode of the fourth season of Game of Thrones aired last night and the unexpected star and winner of the internet for the week was none other than the king of one-liners, burn victim Sandor “The Hound” Clegane, who is currently on a mission to deliver Arya Stark to her dead mother’s crazy sister for a hefty sum.

The Hound spawned a bunch of memes after he closed the episode by spewing amazingly humorous dialogue about eating chicken right before beating up a roomful of thugs and getting Arya’s sword back (gifted by Jon Snow, nicknamed “Needle,” “Stick them with the pointy end” etc.).  Continue reading “What ‘The Hound’ Looks Like Without a Beard…”

Trailer: Game of Thrones Season 4: Vengeance

Another month passes that I continue to slack off and NOT catch up with the Song of Ice and Fire books in time for a new season. In the new trailer, Arya Stark is planning to roast Lannister body parts kebob-style, leaving all the ignant non-book smart folk wondering if the Khaleesi and her dragons will beat her to it.

Meanwhile, Joffrey’s marrying the ginger with the good boobs and Tyrion is living in fear of his own family, but the queen is PROBABLY too busy making kissy faces with her boyfriend-brother to kill him just yet.

Get your finger on the remote/torrent downloading button – Game of Thrones returns to HBO on April 6!

Trailer: Game of Thrones Season 4

I’m still not caught up on A Song Of Ice And Fire because I can’t hold pizza and a book at the same time like I can when I’m watching Thrones on a TV the size of one of the Khaleesi’s dragons in my living room, but fortunately for me and my fellow couch potatoes, the season 4 trailer is out and it looks as fantastic as ever.

Joffrey’s still a turd, Tyrion’s still cracking wise, and the queen has been reunited with her favorite sexual partner – literal blood of her blood, Jaime Lannister. The remaining Starks are still scattered throughout Westeros and Emilia Clarke’s eyebrows are inching that much closer to King’s Landing. WATCH!!

Game of Thrones’ Dragon Tamer Emilia Clarke to Play Sarah Connor

Emilia Clarke brunette leather jacketEmilia Clarke beat out Brie Larson (United States of Tara, 21 Jump Street) for the coveted (but possibly cursed) role of Sarah Connor in Terminator 5.

The movie, listed as Terminator: Genesis on IMDb and set to hit theaters in 2015, will be directed by Alan Taylor, who also directed six episodes of Game of Thrones including the Clarke-heavy dragon-reclaiming season two finale.

Now, don’t get me wrong, I LOVE Emilia Clarke on Thrones, but I don’t remember Sarah Connnor being so damn cute. This is the toughest-looking photo of her and there is literally a man holding an umbrella over her head.

In other GoT news, Telltale are making a Game of Thrones video game series in the vein of their acclaimed Walking Dead chapters for PC, Xbox 360 and PS3.  Continue reading “Game of Thrones’ Dragon Tamer Emilia Clarke to Play Sarah Connor”

‘Game of Thrones’ Direwolf Lives With Actress Who Plays Sansa Stark

Sophie turner adopted direwolf In your daily “awww,” the dog actress (is there still not a less informal word for that?) who played Lady on Game of Thrones was adopted in real life by Sophie Turner, aka the actress who plays Sansa Stark.

“Growing up I always wanted a dog, but my parents never wanted one,” Turner told The Coventry Telegraph of the gorgeous Mahlek Northern Inuit Dog she was introduced to three years ago. “We kind of fell in love with my character’s dire wolf, Lady, on set. We knew Lady died and they wanted to re-home her.”

I wish I had enough space to “re-home” all the animals I’ve mourned in film and TV, but I only mean that if Mufasa counts. And the octopus from Oldboy.

Sorry HBO, the Book Version of the Iron Throne is SO MUCH Bigger and Badder

iron throne book drawing The third season of Game of Thrones may have just wrapped, but HBO and author George R.R. Martin have no plans of slowing down the series (except for that whole taking forever to write book 6 and 7 thing).

While Martin has always been involved in the wildly successful onscreen version, he recently took to his blog to express a bit of disappointment in the Iron Throne used in the show.

Martin said that while the HBO throne has a “terrific design” and is “iconic,” it just isn’t what he imagined. In fact, it’s at least six times smaller and way less full o’ swords. From Grrm.livejournal.com:

It’s not the Iron Throne I see when I’m working on THE WINDS OF WINTER. It’s not the Iron Throne I want my readers to see. The way the throne is described in the books… HUGE, hulking, black and twisted, with the steep iron stairs in front, the high seat from which the king looks DOWN on everyone in the court… my throne is a hunched beast looming over the throne room, ugly and assymetric…

Continue reading “Sorry HBO, the Book Version of the Iron Throne is SO MUCH Bigger and Badder”

‘Khaleesi’ is Becoming a Popular U.S. Name

Khaleesi blonde hairOn a scale of 1 to 10, how weird is Khaleesi (Ka-lease-ee) as a name for current and future earth-dwelling beings? Weird or not, it’s happening. According to babynamewizard.com exactly 146 Khaleesis were born in 2012.

It’s not exactly the worst Game of Thrones-inspired name. Out of all the characters, Khaleesi — played by Emilia Clarke on the HBO series — and Arya (another newly popular name) are two of the less morally corrupt.

Granted Khaleesi, which means “queen” in the fictional language of Dothraki, does eat a horse heart, and her ultimate goal is to see Lannister heads burnt by dragons and put on spikes, but she is mostly kind with good motives.

(At least “Joffrey,” “Cersei,” “Walder,” “Hodor” and “Eddard” didn’t make the list.)
Emilia Clarke eyebrowsEmilia Clarke eyebrows gif gifsKhaleesi without wig gif
I actually kind of like the name Cersei, and I guess there’d be low expectations. Like if the kid didn’t turn out to be a selfish, husband-murdering brother-f*cking sea hag you’d be proud.  Continue reading “‘Khaleesi’ is Becoming a Popular U.S. Name”

Khal Drogo Does a Sexy Polynesian Mating Dance

Jason Momoa shakaIt’s time to stop wondering what Jason Momoa does in his spare time besides getting into bar fights (yes, that’s a real scar) and marrying Lisa Bonet. TMZ has the answer…

In a new video acquired by Harvey Levin and his team of widespread camera-fondlers, we see our favorite Game of Thrones barbarian being the perfect example of physical perfection on the beach in Auckland, NZ.

Sadly, he’s not actually doing a mating dance. But it is a war dance now used by rugby players to intimate their opponents. And you know what happens after war. And rugby. (Shower sex?)

According to Wiki, the Haka is a traditional ancestral dance from the Māori people of New Zealand using the hands, arms legs, feet, eyes, voice and tongue to express courage.  Continue reading “Khal Drogo Does a Sexy Polynesian Mating Dance”