Disney Buys Rights to [Either Save or Further Ruin] Indiana Jones

indiana jones recastWhile Disney hasn’t confirmed a release or production dates for the inevitable new Indiana Jones movie, they have officially acquired the rights from Paramount, giving them full ownership of the franchise.

From Variety:

Under the arrangement, Disney gains distribution and marketing rights to future films, in addition to retaining the ownership rights it secured when it acquired Lucasfilm.

Paramount will continue to be responsible for distribution of the first four films in the franchise and will receive a financial participation on any future films that are produced and released.

I can’t wait for them to recast Justin Bieber as Indy so he can use his diamond earrings as makeshift ninja stars and snap his whip at abominable snowmen with Mickey Mouse’s face and Goofy’s feet.

Funny Video: Honest Trailer – Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull

In 2008, Steven Spielberg helped George Lucas destroy the Indiana Jones franchise the way he destroyed Star Wars, only instead of Jar Jar Binks (whose only saving grace is a Rolling Stone article from 1999 about the actor who played him), he used gopher hills, Shia LeBeouf and aliens.

Screen Junkies, makers of Honest Trailers for Inception, The Dark Knight Rises and more, feel your pain. It almost hurts to relive the montage of old-age Indy jokes and CGI monkeys.  Continue reading “Funny Video: Honest Trailer – Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull”

Disney Just Bought Lucasfilm For $4 Billion, Will Release A New Star Wars Film In 2015

Holy crap. Walt Disney Pictures bought Lucasfilm and the rights to Star Wars for $4.05 billion dollars today. And that’s not all. Disney CEO Bob Iger says new movies are on the way!

“The expectation is we’ll release 2 and 3 [‘Episode 8’ and ‘9’] … probably on a cadence on every other year [after 7 in 2015], and then go from there. … The film is what I’ll call early stage development right now,” Iger said in a conference call.

Here’s the official statement from George Lucas:  Continue reading “Disney Just Bought Lucasfilm For $4 Billion, Will Release A New Star Wars Film In 2015”

The Titanic Movie I Want To See In Theaters

It was so obvious that Leonardo DiCaprio’s character in Titanic was going to die (the lonely granny may have been a clue) but full-grown and teenage women worldwide cried anyway when he froze to death.

It’s because Rose was too big (Kate Winslet: “You know, he’s fatter now – I’m thinner”) to share the wood debris.

Honestly, I don’t believe that, I just don’t understand why she couldn’t have gotten on a lifeboat. Jack would have been floating around on a crate in the Atlantic, alive. Love make you STUPID.  Continue reading “The Titanic Movie I Want To See In Theaters”