Chris Hemsworth’s Fake Dong In ‘Vacation’ Is Terrifying

  

Chris Hemsworth has giant arms, giant calves, giant pectoral muscles, a giant mane of flowing blond hair and is part of a giant blockbuster franchise.

In short, there’s nothing short about him. (NSFW gif ahead.)  Continue reading “Chris Hemsworth’s Fake Dong In ‘Vacation’ Is Terrifying”

Reporter Antagonizes Ronda Rousey, Gets Slammed

Aaron Tru, a reporter who interviews MMA fighters and is specifically notorious for “pissing off” women in the sport, recently got taken down by THE woman, Ronda Rousey.

“I don’t think you have as much strength and can compete with a man,” Tru said, right before getting his ribcage busted and wincing in pain.

It was definitely set-up, along with the time he got choked out by Cyborg (below), but it’s still amazing to see a big guy like him easily thrown by someone much smaller than him.

I’m not of the opinion that Tru is a chauvinist. He’s 100% in on the joke…

Like MMA’s own Steve-O, putting himself through hell for our enjoyment.  Continue reading “Reporter Antagonizes Ronda Rousey, Gets Slammed”

TransAsia Plane Crashes into River, Yields 15 Survivors

taiwan plane crashA plane traveling from Taipei, Taiwan to the neighboring Kinmen islands carrying 58 passengers flew directly in front of traffic on a highway bridge today before crashing into the Keelung River.

Footage and images captured on an onlookers’s dash cam are so surreal they look like something straight out of a Michael Bay movie. The plane, which turned out  a miraculous 15 survivors who stood by the wreckage waiting for rescue, also clipped a taxi cab before plummeting into the river.

Twenty six have been confirmed dead so far with 17 more missing.

Stories I’m Too Lazy to Write About [1-28-15]

Paris Hilton monkey whacking it gif

 No man or monkey is immune to Paris Hilton‘s feminine charms. (Uproxx)

Amada Peet (wife of creator David Benioff) hates Game of Thrones(Gawker)

33% increase in people being idiots with guns at the airport since 2013. (Mental Floss)

Eat as much fat as you can because it‘s delicious keeps you young. (MaxWorkouts)

Woman born with adactylia talks pros and cons of Freakshow’s Lobster Boy. (Jezebel)

One of Blink 182‘s lead singers is still in the band but refuses to tour or record. (Spin)

Football-playing children will grow up braindead. Might I suggest ballet? (Time)

The new Ghostbusters movie is basically Bridesmaids 2 with ghosts. (CinemaBlend)

Arizona Player Pukes on Ball Before Snap

Arizona Oregon puking Remember the name Carter Wood, because that’s who’s tossing the football to his quarterback right after blowing Gatorade chunks all over it in the most memorable gif of this year’s Pac-12.

Wood’s stomach was apparently almost as decimated as his team, the Arizona Wildcats, who lost (51-13) to the Oregon Ducks on Friday.

Video: Taylor Swift – “Blank Space”

In “Blank Spaces,” we are reminded that even the most “hardcore” version of Taylor Swift makes about as many waves as a grain of salt in a bathtub.

With its use of Swift’s real-life pet – the splendiferously fluffy Olivia Benson – horses, golf clubs and a male model, “Blank Spaces” is a 12-year-old’s version of a revenge video.
  
She really dented the shit out of that guy’s car and killed the fuck out of that cake.

I would have liked to see a Lorde cameo. Like busting out from behind a bush freak-dancing with lighting bolts coming out of her head (all her power comes from her hair), but she’s too busy covering sexy R&B songs to bother.  Continue reading “Video: Taylor Swift – “Blank Space””

Stories I’m Too Lazy To Write About [11-8-14]

 
Lorde turns 300, releases Katniss-approved “Yellow Flicker Beat” video. (E! Online)

Summer of 2015 is the summer of (legal) WEED! (Oregon Live)

Kim Jong-Un oblivious to stuffed animal sex. (Mashable)

Fraulein Minaj rallies Nazi Breezy, Nazi Weezy and Nazi Drizzy. (Jezebel)

Keira Knightley is all statement and no shirt photoshop. (Mic)

Duggar daughter caught banging husband in Church. (Gawker)

Non-Duggar caught whacking it in police station with Wheat Thins. (Concourse)

Video: Maroon 5 – “Animals”

This completely unoriginal video, released 3 days ago, is apparently controversial.

A spokesperson for RAINN (Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network) are calling the video – which features Adam Levine creeping on real-life wifey/10,000th-model-he’s-bedded Behati Prinsloo – “a dangerous depiction of a stalker’s fantasy.”
 
I, on the other hand, believe that the majority of people have enough sense to differentiate harmless, horror-themed imagery from instructions on how to stalk and kill women, but then again, they are watching Maroon 5 videos in their spare time…
Adam Levine kissing Behati animals gif Adam Levine kissing gif
I personally found the video of him making babies with Minka Kelly more upsetting.

(Not sure if bad kisser or intentionally slobbering to make video grosser…?)

Miesha Tate Beats Japan’s Best For Second Win This Year

Miesha Tate rin nakai statsRonda Rousey nemesis Miesha “Cupcake” Tate flew way out West on Saturday to challenge previously undefeated fighter Rin Nakai for and closed UFC Fight Night 52 with her second unanimous win of 2014.

It wasn’t as easy of a fight as you would expect for Miesha, whose record was tarnished last year when she fought and lost to both Rousey and Cat Zingano.

At 5’1″ and 135 pounds of pure muscle, Rin Nakai is probably the most formidable women’s MMA opponent in Japan, but her much shorter reach proved too great an obstacle to overcome, with 5’6″ Tate out-grappling and out-striking her every time.

Click HERE to watch the FULL FIGHT

The fairly fast-paced fight went to the third round, when most expected to see an early KO or submission from the super versatile Tate, who has finished opponents with everything from armbars to head kicks. Ultimately, Nakai underestimated the woman who took Ronda Rousey to a third round, and the judges took notice. Continue reading “Miesha Tate Beats Japan’s Best For Second Win This Year”

I Watched Nicki Minaj’s ‘Anaconda’ Video So You Don’t Have To…

Nicki minaj pink outfit anaconda
On behalf of everyone, I would like to proclaim that I watched all of Nicki Minaj‘s new music video, which is “Baby Got Back” with a different title and a verse about a dude named Michael with a “dick bigger than a tower” who tossed her salad “like his name Romaine.” 
nicki minaj anaconda gif
Michael and this other guy Troy love that she’s down to bang in a car and that she eats breakfast lunch and dinner because, as you can tell from the salad references and slow-motion banana peeling, she’s very health conscious.

As with all things Nicki Minaj, it all boils down to the ass, and this is definitely the most assalicious song of Nicki’s. (“Dance A$$” doesn’t count if we’re being technical.)The video is just an excuse for Nicki and other self-proclaimed big bootied hoes to twerk.

All twerk and no play / twerking hard or hardly twerking?

Continue reading “I Watched Nicki Minaj’s ‘Anaconda’ Video So You Don’t Have To…”

Mexico’s Golden Goalkeeping God Guillermo Ochoa Keeps Brazil at Bay


The World Cup is an amazing occurrence in sports to most, full of bright colors and whizzing balls on a field the size of space which usually excites me about as much as Ron Jeremy naked on a silver platter, but Mexico’s game against Brazil on Tuesday caught my attention.

…Or at least the muted highlights (seen here in glorious Gif form) on SportsCenter did.

Goalkeeper Guillermo Ochoa somehow managed to keep a tie-game interesting with his trampoline legs, Mr. Fantastic arms and steel chest. He’s The Avengers, Justice League and the Guardians of the Galaxy combined.  Continue reading “Mexico’s Golden Goalkeeping God Guillermo Ochoa Keeps Brazil at Bay”

Video: Ariana Grande – “Problem” Feat. Iggy Azalea

Potential song of the summer “Problem” by 20-year-old Ariana Grande and the white Azealia Banks, Iggy Azalea have a new video. Press play and notice the big hair and spirals… This is from a decade called the ’60s, 30 years or so before either of them were born.

In the ’60s, The Beatles became the first band to hold the no. 1 and 2 spots on the Billboard Hot 100, and it’s not until now that a second musical act has achieved that.
  
Iggy motherf*cking Azalea, a woman who once referred to herself as a “slave master” and writes things like “get your shit 2together girl” on Twitter, has something in common with The Beatles. Her song “Fancy” plus the guest vocals on “Problem” put her at 1 and 2.

Continue reading “Video: Ariana Grande – “Problem” Feat. Iggy Azalea”

Brad Pitt Gets Punched, Angelina Jolie’s Claws Stay Retracted

Brad Pitt was punched in the face at the Los Angeles premiere of Maleficent (which is, let’s face it, Snow White and the Huntsman with a different cast) and his real-life evil wife did nothing to stop it.

Angelina Jolie was reportedly “busy signing autographs in another section” when the attacker jumped over a barrier and lunged at Pitt, but I believe she hired the man to punch her husband so other women would find him less desirable even though most of us haven’t desired him since Troy. (Ten years ago? Eek, I feel old.)

The assailant is notorious prankster Vitalii Sediuk, the very same who kissed Will Smith at the Men in Black III premiere and stole Adele’s award at the 2013 Grammys.

 
Somewhere, Jennifer Aniston is rejoicing…  Continue reading “Brad Pitt Gets Punched, Angelina Jolie’s Claws Stay Retracted”

This Gamer’s Reaction to Losing at Resident Evil is PRICELESS

 After just finishing a boss battle with only 10 minutes remaining in the game and being watched by hundreds of viewers during a speed run of the original Resident Evil on the PS Vita, Twitch.TV user Carcinogen made a fatal mistake and prematurely game over-ed.

With no save file in sight, his reaction was absolutely perfect. Instead of throwing the Vita against the wall, yelling, crying or suddenly cutting off his camera in shame, he simply slumped straight down in his chair with a look of  embarrassment and surprise until he was completely out of frame.

To see the full chain of events with gameplay footage, head over to Imgur.

A Gif Celebration of Gay Marriage Being Legal in Oregon


Throw your Home Depot gift cards in the air like you just don’t care, because gay marriage was just legalized in Oregon, officially making the entire West Coast a haven for men in leather and women in plaid boning in the middle of church and children’s bouncy castles.

And I’m speaking solely from the perspective of Oregonian FB commenters with too much time on their hands. Here’s what one Geoff Davey, voice of all homophobes, wrote:

A GAY RULING BY A SINGLE GAY JUDGE, Real surprise here. Why can’t men be men and women be women anymore, seriously? Is this some kind of evolutionary thing? if it wasn’t for the “wonders” of modern medicine, the human race would be doomed as procreation is not naturally possible through the anus or by one female licking the vagina of another.

Because with 7 billion people on the planet and the environment crumbling as a direct result, we really need to worry about the 15% who might not reproduce. 

Speaking of percentages, Portland seemed pretty happy about the news, and at least 70 couples rushed to the courthouse for licenses since the ban on same-sex marriage was lifted.

As amazing as this is, let’s take a moment to remember Eric Marcoux and Eugene Woodworth, the adorable old man-couple profiled by NPR last year, who were together since 1953 and just barely missed the ruling in their home state.

Not just them, but all the gay rights pioneers, past and present, who paved the way for future generations to not live in fear.  Continue reading “A Gif Celebration of Gay Marriage Being Legal in Oregon”

Justin Timberlake Dances With Michael Jackson

There’s a new Michael Jackson video (yes, “new”) for reasons unknown besides that people just aren’t done beating his sequined corpse like a piñata until dollar bills fall out…

“Love Never Felt So Good” for Justin Timberlake, who snaps his fingers while younger folks dance up a storm in front of old footage of Michael.
 
The next song from Jackson’s posthumous album Xscape will feature Tupac and John Denver.

What’s the most interesting about Justin Timberlake these days anyway? That he shares a barber with Brad Pitt or that you could pour syrup in his brow crease without any falling out? 
Read: Michael Jackson Hologram Rocks Billboard Music Awards: Go Behind the Scenes