Gisele Doesn’t Know How to Hold a Baby

Gisele holding her baby Each person has their own special brand of bad parenting. Some beat their kids with broom handles while others impose their own neurosis, religious views and political stances on them. My child, for instance, would be anxious and bitter with a strict diet of Haribo raspberries and Taco Bell cheese.

Gisele Bundchen’s Bad Parenting 101 involves holding her daughter like she’s a sack of useless turnips or soon-to-be drowned cats.

With a mother who cares that little, Tom Brady’s offspring is sure to become a stripper before age 21.

Continue reading “Gisele Doesn’t Know How to Hold a Baby”

Gisele’s Angry At The Patriot’s Offense

The Brazilian volcano fire finally came out of Tom Brady‘s wife. After the neck-in-neck Patriots loss to the Giants on Sunday Gisele reportedly talked shit about the receivers.

TMZ writes that team members and Pats staff were “disappointed” after Gisele Bundchen said, “My husband cannot fucking throw the ball and catch the ball at the same time. I can’t believe they dropped the ball so many times.”

I think I’m with Gisele on this one, except I’m glad it happened because I hate New England almost as much as I love blueberry cheesecake, kittens and Britney Spears. Just look at her in that picture, consoling with cold words and whispering false promises of blowjobs.  Continue reading “Gisele’s Angry At The Patriot’s Offense”