Beyonce Kickstarts World Tour With Glittery Nipples

Beyonce nipple outfitBeyonce distracted from plans to not perform any new material at the first stop on her Mrs. Carter World Show Tour in Serbia by wearing a sparkly gold bodysuit with nipples three times the size of George Clooney’s in Batman & Robin.

This look (sandcastle mermaid created by 14-year-old boys?), reminds me of something I saw last week on Craigslist. Call me a perv, but I live to find posts where very specific fetishes are solicited, and last week I hit the jackpot. (The best part is posting links to these terrors in Facebook inboxes.)

The one that caught my eye was “Women with HUGE AREOLAS wanted,” by a man willing to pay $300 for sex with a lady with iHop-sized nipple casings. Included were not one, but two photos!  Continue reading “Beyonce Kickstarts World Tour With Glittery Nipples”

2012 American Music Awards Fashion Mavens and Bombs

Prints were big at the 40th Annual American Music Awards last night.

Stacy Keibler, Jordin Sparks (Joan Rivers will have a lot to say about that one), Kelly Rowland and Gwen Stefani all wore similar printed patterns made from recycled cabin rugs.  Continue reading “2012 American Music Awards Fashion Mavens and Bombs”

Jesus, Mario Lopez, Just Be My Gay Best Friend Already

It’s a bold statement, me saying that Mario Lopez isn’t gay when you’re looking at a picture of him covered in paint, posing in booty shorts and expressing himself with his hands…

He’s just one of those guys, like Ryan Seacrest, or Eli Roth. You’re convinced they’re gay, but there’s a lot of evidence to the contrary.

The underwear line he’s working for in this picture is called “Muchachomalo” and he says it’s “masculine with an edge.” An edge of estrogen, maybe.

I just imagine Mario and I prancing around the nude beach we have here (Rooster Rock, you can guess its nickname), me fully clothed and him in his gold paint, looking for a potential top to his plastic-covered bottom.  Continue reading “Jesus, Mario Lopez, Just Be My Gay Best Friend Already”

Kanye West Wants Us All To Dress Like R2D2, C3P0, And Carrie Bradshaw

Last night at a high school auditorium in Paris, France, Kanye West debuted his new women’s clothing line called “Dw By Kanye West,” possibly named after his mother?

The thing is, these clothes make no sense. I’m no expert, but it looks like what would happen if a girl shopped at both Forever 21 and Saks Fifth Avenue, and then wore  fragmented outfits from the two…

Continue reading “Kanye West Wants Us All To Dress Like R2D2, C3P0, And Carrie Bradshaw”