Stories I’m Too Lazy To Write About [1-9-14]

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Goodness Gracious great balls of fire, Ellie Goulding has a new music video. (Yahoo!)

Madonna‘s vault of controversial ideas is dried up, passes torch to drunk son. (Jezebel)

Selena Gomez didn’t have make-up sex with Justin Bieber in a trailer. (E! Online)

Demi Moore takes cougaring to new levels, beds 27-year-old drummer. (Daily News)

Oregon couple leaves waitress questionable envelope full of meth as tip. (Gawker)

Someone stole Lindsay Lohan’s laptop full o’ nudes! Or she “misplaced” it. (TMZ)

Fresh Prince writes touching tribute to Uncle Phil. R.I.P. James Avery. (Celebuzz)