10 Bands That Suck Live

1. Fall Out Boy. ANY performance on Youtube of these now-defunct emo-pop rockers will prove to you that Patrick Stump and Pete Wentz should be called fall-apart-live-boy. It’s an open-ended nightmare of out-of-breath singing accompanied by mediocre guitar playing, out of sync bass and incomprehensibly bad drumming. I’ve literally seen little girls beating on buckets with spoons that sound better.

2. The Black Eyed Peas. Besides the fact that none of the four members do anything on stage except jump into the air and slap their hands together like those cymbal-banging monkey toys, Fergie’s range is horribly halted. Just check out their Superbowl performance. It’s a tragedy.

3. Ke$ha. It was proven to me finally on SNL that Ke$ha is mind-blowingly embaressing on stage. She lacks all of the charisma you experience when listening to her on CD, the robotic voice, the energy, it’s all gone in concert. All you’re left with is a blonde lion standing on stage in a spandex bodysuit that glows in the dark. Throw in some strobe lights for bad measure. It’s still not worth $60 dollars.

4. Blondie. The fact that some of the most memorable, most sampled songs belong to this iconic 80’s band doesn’t negate the fact that Deborah Harry cannot sing live, or that the band sounds looser than Octomom’s vagina. The songs “Call Me,” “One Way Or Another” and “Heart Of Glass” all play out like some above average cover band that you could see for free in a summer concert series in your local park (This is what happens when you sleep with your entire band, Debbie, no one can focus).

5. No Doubt. I love No Doubt and Gwen Stefani as much as the next person. The band is talented and so is Gwen but her live singing is really bubbly and awkward at times. She changes the whole original flow of the songs by “rapping” certain parts. In the end No Doubt disappoints in concert because you just expect so much more. Gwen needs to stop doing push-ups and focus on vocalizing.

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Arctic Monkeys – Suck It And See Album Review

Alex Turner and his band of miscreant monkeys of the Arctic have shown over the years their varied shades of fun, whether it be full force (“I Bet You Look Good On The Dancefloor”) thoughtful (“Fluorescent Adolescent”) or filled with James Bond twang (“Crying Lightning”) Arctic Monkeys have little left to prove to anyone. Their fourth effort, Suck It And See may cry out for attention in title but the songs beg to differ. This is actually their least flashy album to date.

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The Vaccines – What Did You Expect From The Vaccines? Album Review

Brand new onto the indie rock scene, The Vaccines, a four-piece hailing from London, debuted their very first album What Did You Expect From The Vaccines? on March 14th. A 33 minute long musical tapestry sure to land them on many prestigious top band lists of 2011. The Vaccines might be this year’s Phoenix, but they possess a less tightly wound style and it’s not hard to tell that their CD was recorded in only two weeks.

What Did You Expect From The Vaccines? Has a rough-around-the-edges punk quality, as if there was a large hole in the recording studio wall and a small fraction of the music drifted outside. Of course you can be sure this is not the case, sounds like this are largely intentional and wonderful.

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Top 6 Indie Bands To Watch For In 2011

Let’s face it, 2010 wasn’t the greatest year for indie bands. Besides Broken Bells, not many emerged, and it was mostly about semi-established bands being rediscovered by the masses. This held true for Florence & The Machine, whose album actually debuted in mid-2009. Also Mumford & Sons, Metric, Arcade Fire, MGMT, Phoenix and Bon Iver, all very known in the indie community previous to 2010, were the talk of award shows, and varying esteemed music lists of last year.

2011 is another story, not only are there the usual hoards of bands trying to make it, some of them have a LOT of potential for the same sort of indie sellout glory that Mumford & Sons achieved. I can only hope that “Little Lion Man” will be replaced by the Sonic-Youth influenced sounds of Yuck, or the experimental wailings tUnE-yArDs or the retro jazz clap ‘n snap of Caro Emerald, whose early 2010 debut has yet to even be released officially in the U.S.

Most of these contenders formed fairly recently and released CDs this year, with the exception of Emerald’s Deleted Scenes From The Cutting Floor.

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SBTRKT – SBTRKT Album Review

Aaron Jerome’s second full-length album, and first under the name “SBTRKT” (pronounced “subtract”) is an explosive contribution to the loosely-defined dubstep genre. Part Massive Attack, part Tricky part something you’ve never experienced, Jerome worked previously as a producer, remixing for friends and underground artists around the world such as Zap Mama, Nicole Willis and Bugz In The Attic. On this self-titled work, the UK-based DJ teams up with a variety of singers with Sampha representing the male aspect and Jessie Ware, Roses Gabor and Yukimi Nagano of Little Dragon representing the female side.

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Daria May Be Returning To MTV? Gasp.

PUT YOUR PAWS UP LITTLE MORGENDORFFERS!

After the definite return of Beavis And Butthead, with preview footage and an October air date scheduled, people are wondering if there is achance for a Daria reunion. And you’ll be thrilled to know that there is certainly a chance.

At the Television Conference Critics Association panel for Beavis And Butthead on July 29th, Van Toffler, the president of MTV Networks Music Group was asked about a possible new season of Daria. He responded by saying,

“Daria still airs on MTV2 and Logo now and it’s done quite well on both…We’ve talked to the creators and there’s not as long a shot as you might think that Daria might be back on one of our channels.”

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tUnE-yArDs – w h o k i l l Album Review

Merrill Garbus, Connecticut-native and creator of tUnE-yArDs, has spawned one of the top five indie albums of the year. She is in a distinct league, as 2011 has been a good year for emerging bands of this nature, spawning Foster The People, The Vaccines, YUCK and a new album from Smith Westerns, Garbus contends on this level. Her latest and second album under the tUnE-yArDs moniker, w h o k i l l, is more linear than her lo-fi freshman effort, Bird-Brains, though I hate to use a word that refers to straight lines when describing the tUnE-yArDs sound.

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Lady Gaga Really is A Man (For Her “You & I” Single)

Apparently I’m out of the loop. Lady Gaga has had a male alter-ego since September of last year, whom she calls “Jo Calderone.” Hmmm, Jo looks a lot like Al Pacino.

Lady Balls Balls tweeted the cover art for the “You & I” single cover art featuring the pop star in a very convincing drag getup. I saw it the other day briefly and wondered if it was Gaga’s new boyfriend or some artistic male inspiration of hers. Who knew.

It was revealed that the video for “You & I” will be released as Lady Gaga’s 1000th tweet, and she’s currently on 992, so it seems like that will probably be in a few weeks, who knows how long or short she wants to play that game for.

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Rihanna Gets BarbadoClownTastic For Kadooment Day

 Monday was a fun day for my favorite black Wendy’s mascot Rihanna. The pop singer took a day off from her Loud tour to relax in her native Barbados for Kadooment Day for their annual “Crop Over” festival, which is pretty self-explanatory and amazing in itself.

Crop Over. MAN DOWN. Rum pum pum pum MAN DOWN, CROP OVER. Eh eh eh (It’s that simple)

And also…

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Weezer Does Live Cover of “Pumped Up Kicks”

Foster The People are huge in the indie/rock community right now. Their single “Pumped Up Kicks” has earned them two VMA nominations at the upcoming MTV music video awards in the categories Best Rock Video and Best New Artist.

The song has become such a sensation that famed overachievers Weezer recently covered the song during a live show in LA’s Pacific Amphitheatre. Check-ch-check-check-check it out!

Would Kurt Cobain Be Proud of Frances Bean? …Probably

New photos of Frances Bean Cobain, the result of Kurt Cobain and Courtney Love’s “Evian water/battery acid” relationship, as he called it, have surfaced. The photos come from Heidi Slimane’s “diary.” She’s looking quite, trashy chic? I guess they’d call it. She reminds me of Asia Argento, actually, in these photos.

I know we were all wondering what would happen to this girl after her father died and she was left with that bag of eccentricity, Courtney Love, who I happen to be a big fan of musically, and for comedy’s sake, and toughness. But the country was skeptical of Frances’ fate and what impact her father’s death would have on her, regardless of his or Courtney’s celebrity stigma.

Here she is though, Frances Bean Cobain, the goddaughter of both Drew Barrymore and Michael Stipe… a stunning combination of well, mostly Courtney, but there’s a little of the Cobain vulnerability shining through.


Natalia KILLS IT, Whispers To Recession… Tweets Like Crazy

Wanna be like Midas
But my bank account is minus

Gotta stretch that dollar bill
Stretch that dollar
Need a genie in a bottle
Change a quarter to a hundred
Gotta stretch that dollar bill
Stretch that dollar bill

I’m free
I just spent all my money
But I rocked that like it don’t cost a thing
Free
Burned a hole in my pocket
But I rocked that like it don’t cost a thing

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Rest in Peace Miss Winehouse. You Were a Fucking Genius.

Amy Jade Winehouse
September 14th, 1983-July 23rd 2011

If you were to ask me a few months ago what celebrity was most likely to not make it to the age of 30, I would have thought about it for less than two minutes, and then said “Amy Winehouse.” My second guess would have been Lindsay Lohan, though we all know LL isn’t quite spiralling down a glass pipe smoke slide in the same way that Amy Winehouse was. This chick was in St. Lucia for over a year, becoming more and more bizarre with the release of each tabloid. Ex-husband drama, weight issues, drugs, breast implants…

…The great thing is, nobody cared about any of that even a fraction as much as they cared about news of new material. Amy Winehouse made two CDs in her lifetime. Her first, Frank, out in 2003, was more of an experimental growing process for Winehouse.

Her second, Back To Black was another story. Like Lady Gaga’s The Fame or Adele’s 21, Back To Black become a huge part of pop culture. The crucial time had arrived when actually going to rehab was simply a better option for celebrities. Plus, it boosted morale to venture to Cirque Lodge or Promises. For a celebrity, it signified improvement. “I am better, I am checking into rehab, I admitted my problem and am seeking help.”

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