The Couple Who Stole Miley Cyrus’ Maserati Will Likely Have a Movie Made About Them

couple who stole miley's car The pair of miscreants thought to have stolen Miley Cyrus’ brand new Maserati are a young couple, and not just any couple, an ATTRACTIVE one, so they’re obviously a modern-day Bonnie and Clyde who deserve their own feature-length film ala The Bling Ring, but I’m sure they’d settle for something on Lifetime starring Brooke Hogan and Aaron Carter.

Tylor Scott, 19, and his skinny jeans are already famous, but what about his girlfriend, vegan fitness model Naomi Charles? In April she tweeted “I wish I was Miley Cyrus,” so I imagine she was the instigator, getting drunk one night off low-calorie, honey-flavored vodka in yoga pants while playing GTA 5 and yelling “BABE! Let’s go to Miley’s house!”

If you’re not aware of our exact fascination with “attractive” criminals, check out this list of hot female teachers who kinda sorta molested their students. And this other one of bangable serial killers.   Continue reading “The Couple Who Stole Miley Cyrus’ Maserati Will Likely Have a Movie Made About Them”

Funny Video: Coachella Hipsters and Hippies Excited About Bands That Don’t Exist

Fallon may have the edge on Kimmel in the house band and game departments, but Kimmel’s competing side-by-side for viral video segments like the one seen here. (And January’s Matt Damon takeover)

In Coachella edition of Lie Witness News, airhead music fans are asked about various non-existent bands like Dr. Shlomo and the G.I. Clinic, The Chelsea Clintons, and Shorty Jizzle and the Plumbercracks.
Coachella hipster Lie Witness News gif Jimmy KimmelThe bikini and indian headdress-wearing snobs’ first instinct is to say how excited they are to see them perform even though they’ve never heard of them. Watch and laugh till DJ Cornmeal comes out your nose.

On Behalf of All of Portland, Let Me Apologize in Advance For ‘The Real World’

Marlon Williams The Real WorldI’m sorry that the male cast of The Real World: Portland are misogynist boars who spend their time flashing women and deciding who has the hottest ass in their concrete mess of a house. And I’m sorry that the nicest female cast member is a Hooters waitress…

It may be an accurate representation of the human race, but it’s a terrible representation of Portland, Oregon. In the first episode “Bondage, Butts and Burlesque,” the cast goes to – you guessed it – a burlesque show, where they run into swingers (okay, sort of accurate) and sweaty Jersey Shore types.

Yes we have clubs. Every town does. We have a nightlife that consists of microbrews, $2 Pabst, karaoke, concerts, strip joints and 24/7 Voodoo Donuts. The typical Portlander does not “go clubbing,” but typical people do, and I suppose that is the “reality” portion.  Continue reading “On Behalf of All of Portland, Let Me Apologize in Advance For ‘The Real World’”

Taylor Swift Removes Hipster Testicles With Rusty Acoustic Guitar Strings

In an interview with The Guardian Taylor Swift talks about all the things you’d expect her to talk about – fairy tales, boys, youth, and hipsters.

She tells the publication that the line “And you, will hide away and find your piece of mind with some indie record that’s much cooler than mine” from “We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together” is inspired by a guy who despised the mainstream.

That was the most important line of the song. It was a relationship where I felt very critiqued and subpar. He’d listen to this music that nobody had heard of … but as soon as anyone else liked these bands, he’d drop them. I felt that was a strange way to be a music fan. And I couldn’t understand why he would never say anything nice about the songs I wrote or the music I made.  Continue reading “Taylor Swift Removes Hipster Testicles With Rusty Acoustic Guitar Strings”

Powell’s Hipsters Go Nuts Over ‘Twilight’ Cupcake


Powell’s is one of the largest independent bookstores in the world. Largest in terms of sales and physical size. The headquarters, which has been around since 1971, felt like a paper zoo when I was younger.

On Tuesday they Facebook-shared the above photo, a gorgeous assortment of literary cupcakes. Titles like Wuthering Heights, The Hobbit, A Tale Of Two Cities, The Great Gatsby, and Twilight.  Continue reading “Powell’s Hipsters Go Nuts Over ‘Twilight’ Cupcake”