Former Hugh Hefner Girlfriend Contemplated Suicide

Holly madison hefnerHugh Hefner’s most famous (and oldest?) girlfriend has written a tell-all book detailing her time at the Playboy Mansion.

In Down The Rabbit Hole, 35-year-old Holly Madison apparently describes living at the mansion and being with Hef as a “nightmare” that ultimately led to her “sitting alone in a bathtub contemplating suicide.”  Continue reading “Former Hugh Hefner Girlfriend Contemplated Suicide”

Holly Madison Names New Baby ‘Rainbow Aurora’

Holly Madison PasqualeFormer number one girlfriend of Hugh “Puffin” Hefner and silicon star of The Girls Next Door (the theme song is still stuck in my head) Holly Madison popped out a 7 pound churren on March 5 and now we know its name.

No need for a drumroll since it’s laid out in the headline. The child’s name is Rainbow Aurora Rotella. Future stripper, professional crafter of daisy chains, or actual My Little Pony.

Aurora, after light displays in nature? Or just the chick with narcolepsy from that one Disney movie.

“I wanted to give my daughter a unique name,” Madison told E!. “Growing up, there was a girl in my school named Rainbow and I was so envious of that name. I thought it was so pretty and unique!”

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Another Pregnant Playmate, Another Baby That Isn’t Hugh Hefner’s

I’m no expert on the exact number of Playboy Playmates and former Hef girlfriends who weren’t infiltrated by the gob of dusty cobwebs he calls sperm, but I assume many women had children after they escaped the villainous watch of robotic peacock butlers.

That would be a great title for a porn. Can you not see Escape From The Grotto sweeping the AVN Awards?

I bring all this up because Holly Madison, #1 girlfriend and star of The Girls Next Door, Holly’s World, and Vegas burlesque show Peepshow, is pregnant.  Continue reading “Another Pregnant Playmate, Another Baby That Isn’t Hugh Hefner’s”

Holly Madison Is A Ballerina Now, Will Appear In ‘The Nutcracker’

Holly Madison, the least nut-crackery of Hef’s girlfriends and current star of “Peepshow” at Planet Hollywood is set to make a cameo in the Nevada Ballet Theater’s annual Nutcracker production.

I’d just like to say that implants are not allowed in the ballet, and I am very upset. Every year I drive 1017.45 miles just to see The Nutcracker in Vegas, and this year it’s been tainted by deceit, harlotry and silicon.

The ballet is the one place that had not been affected by the blasphemous sin of Vegas, therefore it was slightly magical, but forget about it. This year I’m staying in Oregon. Fuck you Holly.

This abomination runs from Dec. 17-24 at the Paris Theater, in case YOU wanted to go.

Two Of The Fakest People Ever, In The Same Room

And, since we all know that the fakest people in the world all congregate in either L.A. or Vegas it would only make sense that I would be talking about the least money-grubbing of Hef’s former girlfriends, Holly Madison, and Carrot Top. Self-explanatory.

These two wax-figures hung out at the MGM Grand attraction, CSI: The Experience, where visitors collect fake clues and analyze them to determine how good or bad they’d be as a fake crime scene investigator.

Madison and Mr. Top were invited for the second anniversary of the modern television-based museum in Vegas to test out their abilities (they’re probably about as good as David Caruso) and to donate money to charity.

Continue reading “Two Of The Fakest People Ever, In The Same Room”