Guillermo del Toro Goes Back To Horror Roots With ‘Crimson Peak’

crimson peak ghost Crimson Peak Guillermo del Toro‘s return to cinematic horror since his action-heavy ode to Japanese monsters (Pacific Rim), TV vampires (The Strain) and comic books (Hellboy) — stars Mia Wasikowska as a girl living in a haunted house who moves to a much more haunted house to be with a mysterious man (Tom Hiddleston) and his sister (Jessica Chastain) in 19th century England.

There’s blood in the pipes and ghosts in the floor, but she doesn’t leave presumably because of Hiddlestain’s sinister plan to, I dunno, kill her in some overly elaborate way that leads to an equally complex but fun plot twist right before the credits roll.

Continue reading “Guillermo del Toro Goes Back To Horror Roots With ‘Crimson Peak’”

Current Photos of Actress Daveigh Chase Will Make You a Lot Less Afraid of ‘The Ring’

Daveigh Chase sexy I was in high school when The Ring came out. It was the first time in a decade everyone was talking about a horror movie in the same way I imagine they were when The Shining or Psycho debuted, and also the first time I was afraid of a common object (the TV).

All this thanks to a performance from Daveigh Chase, who played the nightmare-inducing Samara in the 2002 American remake of Ringu.

Now that I’m, uh, not 16, and Chase is 24, blonde and a frequent poster of sexy pictures on Instagram, I think we can all rest easy. (Or easier, at least?)
girl from the ring all grown up Now if only someone would post a photo of the horses from The Ring alive and well in an Easter-themed pasture somewhere dressed as My Little Ponies or unicorns…

Harvard Library Contains Book Made From Human Skin

Harvard dead skin bookLook closely at the accompanying image. Neat, it’s an old leather book. Well, look more closely because this motherf*cking book was once a person.

Harvard University has just confirmed that their massive library contains a volume bound in human skin. The 19th century French owner of the tome wrote a note explaining the choice…

“This book is bound in human skin parchment on which no ornament has been stamped to preserve its elegance. By looking carefully you easily distinguish the pores of the skin.”

It’s “meditation on the soul life and after death” and the skin came from the back of a female mental patient who suffered internal bleeding and died suddenly in the hospital. In other words you can (sort of) rest easy, because she wasn’t slaughtered for the sole purpose of book makin.’ In a way, her body was put to good use…  Continue reading “Harvard Library Contains Book Made From Human Skin”

Trailer: Paranormal Activity: The Marked Ones

Another Paranormal Activity movie? I need this like I need the crazy teenage boy supreme pizza acne I acquired after forgetting to take my thyroid medication.

Unlike its predecessors, The Marked Ones isn’t coming out this month and is more a relative of the prior films than a direct sequel. The trailer, which does make mention of Katie, centers around a young Latino man (Andrew Jacobs) with an absurd amount of string in his eye and super demon strength.
The marked ones still
Read: First Trailer for Found Footage Horror Film DEVIL’S DUE Starring Zach Gilford

America’s Sweetheart Sandra Bullock Gets Oh So Bony for Halloween

Sandra Bullock halloween costumeSandra Bullock took her adorable son Louis trick or treating over the weekend. Him in a simple, store-bought cloth skeleton getup and her in this very elaborate winged Dia de los Muertos wedding dress complete with terrifying face paint.

They say there’s a first time for everything, like being scared of Sandra Bullock, which seems reasonable considering she looks like a Mexican version of The Crow.

I always forget which celebrities have Halloween spirit boners until October rolls around and they all pop out with their elaborate bazillion dollar outfits. With the exception of Heidi Klum, the quintessential evil German queen of  the damned.

P.S. I saw that blasted Carrie remake instead of Gravity and am regretting it. I thought I didn’t need to see Pillsbury spacesuit Sandra panicking in slow motion on the big screen, as if I needed to see a preppy daddy’s girl stab a pig. (The mom cuts herself, everyone dies. The end.)

The 10 Best Images From the ‘American Horror Story: Coven’ Premiere

Taissa Farmiga Coven still
In “Bitchcraft,” the twisted season three premiere of American Horror Story: Coven, we follow Zoe (Taissa Farmiga, much younger sister of Bates Motel’s Vera Farmiga), a young woman who is sent away to a boarding school for teen witches run by Ryan Murphy-muses Jessica Lange (as the “supreme” head witch of all witches) and Sarah Paulson (kind-hearted daughter of the supreme) after she accidentally makes her boyfriend ooze blood from the mouth, eyes and nose during sex.
Kathy Bates American Horror Story Coven still blood
It opens with Kathy Bates as the infamous Madame LaLaurie  in 1830s New Orleans in a memorable scene involving naked black men in cages. She puts a bull’s head on one and calls him a minotaur.

She’s clearly evil, but perhaps not as evil as voodoo queen Marie Laveau (Angela Bassett) who is out for vengeance, and appears to be quite a source of irritation for the present-day witches of Louisiana.
Emma Roberts Gabourey Sidibe still
At the end of the episode, Kathy Bates is brought out of the earth in the present-day by a hilariously campy Lange, who, to my delight, references falling houses and Hogwarts.

Continue reading “The 10 Best Images From the ‘American Horror Story: Coven’ Premiere”

Trailer: V/H/S/2

I don’t know if any of you saw V/H/S? It was this found-footage horror movie that was very unique (and by “unique” I mean confusing) and broken up into segments – each by a different director.

They sure managed to pump out a sequel fast (the first was from early 2012). But maybe that’s because these movies cost about as much to make as the collective dollar menus of Wendy’s and McDonald’s.

V/H/S/2 is being advertised as “more thrilling” and “improved in every way” from V/H/S 1.  Continue reading “Trailer: V/H/S/2”

Super Gory, R-Rated ‘Evil Dead’ Slays Box Office

Jessica Lucas Evil Dead
Comedies, dramas and action films rated “R” by the MPAA have a notoriously hard time at the box office. Horror movies, even more so.

The ones that have fared well with the Restricted rating had directors like Martin Scorsese (Shutter Island) and/or were nominated for Academy Awards (The Exorcist, Silence of the Lambs).

Usually there’s a certain lack of credibility that adult audiences tend to skip. That was not the case for Fede Alvarez’s remake of Evil Deadwhich came in #1 and made $26 millionContinue reading “Super Gory, R-Rated ‘Evil Dead’ Slays Box Office”

If Drake Was a Horror Movie Villain and Amanda Bynes’ Vagina Was the Heroine’s Friend…

Amanda Bynes drake I was thinking about what Amanda Bynes said about Drake. (You know, that she wants him to “murder” her vagina.) And I wondered how the murder would occur. I figured the best scenario would be if her vag was the best friend of a horror movie heroine like Laurie Strode in Halloween.

Would he approach it slowly, from behind a tree, or stab it in the shower Norman Bates-style? Does he have a teasing, save-it-for-later mentality, like Leatherface when he put Pam on the meat hook and threw her in a freezer?

None of the above. Because if anyone’s the aggressor it’s her. Picture her ladybits crawling out of a television or asking him if he “wants to play a game.”

Continue reading “If Drake Was a Horror Movie Villain and Amanda Bynes’ Vagina Was the Heroine’s Friend…”

Kathy Bates Signed Onto Salem Witch Trial-Themed Season of ‘American Horror Story’

Kathy Bates Jessica LangeKathy Bates has been added to the cast of FX’s upcoming season of American Horror Story which will relate to the Salem witch trials, according to Dylan McDermott.

“She really is [perfect]. All the witches of Salem…there’s plenty of them,” season one veteran McDermott told E!

Piecing this together with what creator Ryan Murphy told Collider in January, we can assume season three DOES NOT actually take place between 1692 and 1693, when the trials occurred. Murphy called it a “modern-day story” that would require “research of the different time periods” with a “female power” theme. He also said that it will take place in several cities (Danvers, Ipswich and Andover, Massachusetts?).

Continue reading “Kathy Bates Signed Onto Salem Witch Trial-Themed Season of ‘American Horror Story’”

What The Actual Hell, Wesley Snipes

Wesley Snipes Gallowwalkers In the spirit of straight-to-DVD From Dusk Till Dawn movies, Wild Wild West, Jonah Hex, Cowboys & Aliens and Nicolas Cage, I bring you Gallowwalkers

Wesley Snipes hasn’t done much since going to the slammer for tax evasion in 2010, and despite still being there, he somehow managed to appear in this new horror/western that totally hopes to hook the fleshy cheeks of Blade fans. The only thing it seems to actually have in common with Blade is weird hair. But instead of that insanely manicured Blacula thing, we get dreadlocks and a salt and pepper goatee sharp enough to skewer Madonna’s elk meat biceps.

Gallowwalkers’ trailer thrives on bringing zombie-slaying to John Wayne’s genre for the third or fourth time, relying on cheesy catchphrases like “Out here, they come back.”

Continue reading “What The Actual Hell, Wesley Snipes”

Guillermo del Toro-Produced ‘Mama’ Destroyed by CGI

Megan Charpentier mamaGuillermo del Toro, who often produces for first time directors, became involved with the latest PG-13 ghost story in theaters after Spanish commercial-director Andrés Muschietti sent him a short film.

Sadly, Mamá the short is much more captivating than Mama the feature starring Jessica Chastain as the non-maternal bass player-girlfriend of a man (Nikolaj Coster-Waldau, Game of Thrones) whose brother recently died after committing a heinous crime.

Here’s a plot summary, from del Toro himself (void of spoilers unless you haven’t seen a preview):

“The kids are abandoned in the woods by their father. It’s half-fairy tale, half-horror film, and they survive five years in the wilderness and nobody knows exactly how. And the thing that kept them alive is a ghost. It looked after them, it’s a presence of a dead mother. And then they come back to civilization and it comes with them.”  Continue reading “Guillermo del Toro-Produced ‘Mama’ Destroyed by CGI”

Trailer: The Last Exorcism Part II

I remember writing a review for The Last Exorcism… It was actually less of a review and more 200 insults in 862 words.

I’ve tried to find a link but the website, CWG, has been defunct for the past year or so. Snippet:

“There’s nothing I hate more than a movie that spends 90 slow minutes setting up average plot and characters, then spends the last 10 making me wonder if the writers smoked meth and lost the original last pages of the script.”  Continue reading “Trailer: The Last Exorcism Part II”

Review: Texas Chainsaw 3D (It’s Bad, But Not As Bad As You’d Think)

Alexandra Daddario chainsawTexas Chainsaw 3D beat out the Christmas-favorites Django Unchained and Les Miserables this weekend for a surprising $23 million box office victory. Rare for an R-rated horror movie, and a franchise that many feel is more hopeless and dead than Leatherface’s victims.

The seventh installment, starring Alexandra Daddario (Percy Jackson & the Olympians, Parenthood), “Say Ahh” rapper Trey Songz and Scott Eastwood (Clint’s son), opens with footage from the 1974 classic, and starts where it left off.  Continue reading “Review: Texas Chainsaw 3D (It’s Bad, But Not As Bad As You’d Think)”

The New ‘Evil Dead’ Trailer Could Almost Make a Hardcore Horror Fan Cringe

Evil Dead demonNon-horror and horror fans alike have at least heard of the Sam Raimi’s 1981 directorial debut, The Evil Dead. Most would call its self-deprecating cult classic sequels, Evil Dead II and Army of Darkness, more memorable.

All starred Bruce Campbell as animated corpse-slayer Ash Williams, and all had moments of black comedy.

The restricted preview for the remake, produced by Raimi and Campbell and helmed by first-timer Fede Alvarez, is lacking the humor, but not the gore.  Continue reading “The New ‘Evil Dead’ Trailer Could Almost Make a Hardcore Horror Fan Cringe”

Daniel Radcliffe Gets Horny For New Horror Movie

Stills of Daniel Radcliffe on the Vancouver, CA set of the upcoming horror flick Horns directed by Alexandre Aja (High Tension, The Hills Have Eyes remake) have surfaced and they are quite interesting, is the word I’m looking for?

Description from IMDb:

In the aftermath of his girlfriend’s mysterious death, a young man awakens to strange horns sprouting from his temples.

Not much to go on, but as you can see, DanRad is resisting arrest… with horns. Maleficent’s vs. Harry Potter coming in 2015.

In other semi-related news, Radcliffe shares a bathtub with Jon Hamm in a four-part miniseries and jokes that the scene has made him the envy of “every woman ever.”  Continue reading “Daniel Radcliffe Gets Horny For New Horror Movie”

Trailer: Paranormal Activity 4

All the chandelier-swinging, door-slamming tediousness is back in Paranormal Activity 4 on October 19 with PA 3 directors Henry Joost and Ariel Schulman (Catfish) returning to direct.

The movie takes place a five years after Paranormal Activity 2 and focuses mainly on Katie and her stolen toddler’s new teenage neighbor.  Continue reading “Trailer: Paranormal Activity 4”