Paris Jackson Hospitalized After Suicide Attempt

Paris Jackson long hairMichael Jackson’s 15-year-old daughter, Paris Jackson, was rushed to the hospital and put on psychiatric hold after calling a suicide hotline early Wednesday morning.

Jackson reportedly needed several stitches for self-inflicted cuts on her right arm. She was also said to have taken a “large number” of over-the-counter anti-inflammatory pills (Motrin).

A source for TMZ says that though this was not her first attempt, it was “far more serious” than past incidents.

TMZ also claims that Jackson cut herself with a meat clever and left a suicide note after she found out that she was not allowed to attend a Marilyn Manson/Alice Cooper concert. The website has two photos of Paris with scars on her arms.

Marlon, Jackie, Tito Jackson’s joint statement: “Thank you for the outpouring of concern and support for Paris. She is safe and doing fine. We truly appreciate you respecting our family privacy at this time.”
Paris Jackson scarsParis Jackson instagram scars
Jackson family lawyer Perry Sanders’ statement: “Paris is physically fine and is getting appropriate medical attention … Being a sensitive 15-year-old is difficult no matter who you are. It is especially difficult when you lose the person closest to you.”

Tara Reid And Her Pancreas Are In The Hospital

Tara Reid has been hospitalized in France after “partying it up on some yachts in Saint Tropez and hitting up the town’s nightlife,” according to TMZ.

She suffers from Acute Pancreatitis which is caused by many things including autoimmune problems, blockage and/or damage to the pancreatic duct, high triglyceride blood levels, or injury to the pancreas due to an accident.

She’s likely in serious pain and I hope she gets better and cuts back on the partying.

I mean, check out that face. She looks like an 11-year old oriental shorthair in a hat and pink Adidas track jacket. It’s hard to have ill wishes towards such a vulnerable creature.

Lindsay Lohan Is Just A Really Hard Sleeper

False reports of Lindsay Lohan’s being found unconscious and rushed to the hospital yesterday flooded the internet.

I myself was genuinely worried that she was on the verge of death.

I began rethinking my whole “career” of poking fun at celebrities and how the media is partially responsible for Lindsay’s downfall and even more so for her lack of recovery.

Thank god she’s okay and I don’t have to stop being an asshole.

According to TMZ a Ritz Carlton employee had trouble waking her up and called 911 at 10:15 in the morning.

She was not taken to the hospital but had been complaining of exhaustion the prior day due to working a 13-hour day.  Continue reading “Lindsay Lohan Is Just A Really Hard Sleeper”

Bam Margera Suffers Hernia After Kayaking Down A Waterfall

Bam Margera was hospitalized in Oregon after performing a tandem kayaking stunt down what he claims was a 100 foot waterfall.

He did not break any bones but did acquire a nasty hernia.

It appears that he is standing on Benson Bridge at Multnomah Falls in the picture from Twitter, but I can’t believe it was a 100 foot fall. The upper falls are listed as being 542 feet (which would have killed him) while the lower is 69. Albiqua falls in Marion County is about 100 feet so maybe that was the true location.

Continue reading “Bam Margera Suffers Hernia After Kayaking Down A Waterfall”

Tila Tequila Had A Near-Death Experience

Tiny TV personality, singer, model, blogger and self-proclaimed gangster Tila Tequila nearly died last week. Her roommate was forced to call 911 after discovering her convulsing on the bed of her home in California.

Sources are saying that she’d lost over 20 pounds recently and suffered a brain aneurysm. After that, she took two bottles of prescription pills, threw up, began screaming and tried to jump out the window.

Her roommate came over after he received an odd text from Tila, who was eventually hospitalized and kept in intensive care until Monday. The source also mentioned that she cannot speak properly at the moment and may have permanent brain damage.

I’m not going to make any jokes whatsoever about this one.  Continue reading “Tila Tequila Had A Near-Death Experience”

Demi Moore’s ‘Legal’ Drug Problem

One week ago, not long after her announced departure from husband Ashton Kutcher, Demi Moore collapsed, began having convulsions and breathing abnormally then sought treatment for exhaustion.

The 911 call reveals that she had “smoked something” (not marijuana but similar to incense?) and TMZ reports that she was likely doing Whip-Its (compressed nitrous oxide) as well.

So what was this mysterious drug that caused her to need hospitalization?

Some are citing salvia while others suggest that it could be “spice,” a new and controversial legal drug that can be bought online.

The worst and saddest part of this story is that Rumer Willis was there at the time.

A man’s voice can be heard on the tape saying “Hey, Rue,” and asking a question about the front gate.