Former Hugh Hefner Girlfriend Contemplated Suicide

Holly madison hefnerHugh Hefner’s most famous (and oldest?) girlfriend has written a tell-all book detailing her time at the Playboy Mansion.

In Down The Rabbit Hole, 35-year-old Holly Madison apparently describes living at the mansion and being with Hef as a “nightmare” that ultimately led to her “sitting alone in a bathtub contemplating suicide.”  Continue reading “Former Hugh Hefner Girlfriend Contemplated Suicide”

Holly Madison Names New Baby ‘Rainbow Aurora’

Holly Madison PasqualeFormer number one girlfriend of Hugh “Puffin” Hefner and silicon star of The Girls Next Door (the theme song is still stuck in my head) Holly Madison popped out a 7 pound churren on March 5 and now we know its name.

No need for a drumroll since it’s laid out in the headline. The child’s name is Rainbow Aurora Rotella. Future stripper, professional crafter of daisy chains, or actual My Little Pony.

Aurora, after light displays in nature? Or just the chick with narcolepsy from that one Disney movie.

“I wanted to give my daughter a unique name,” Madison told E!. “Growing up, there was a girl in my school named Rainbow and I was so envious of that name. I thought it was so pretty and unique!”

Continue reading “Holly Madison Names New Baby ‘Rainbow Aurora’”

Hugh Hefner marries 26-year-old runaway bride

Hugh and CrystalOn New Year’s Eve, PJ-wearing Crypt Keeper Hugh Hefner married Courtney Stodden’s Jesus, Crystal Harris.

In 2011 Crystal called off her wedding to Hef because she thought all that lube would be bad for her psoriasis. Being the business man that he was, Hef stuck a “Runaway Bride Edition” on her cover story as Crystal just happened to be featured on the cover that month.

The gold digger had also admitted on the Howard Stern show that sex with Hef lasted ‘like two seconds’, adding: ‘Then I was just over it. I just like, walked away. I’m not turned on by Hef, sorry.’

What do you expect when you let an octogenarian into your vagina? That’s like saying, “I went to dinner with a Chinese guy but he was too into rice.”

Continue reading “Hugh Hefner marries 26-year-old runaway bride”

Stories I’m Too Lazy To Write About [1-1-13]

Hugh Hefner Crystal Harris wedding photosCrystal Harris killed one of Hef’s white peacocks to make her wedding dress. (Too Fab)

Happy New Year’s from the shared bed of Rihanna and Chris Brown. (ONTD!)

Snooki wants to lose more weight, make money and be a better person. (Celebuzz)

A list of everything that needs to happen for celebrities in 2013. (Evil Beet)

Hillary Clinton expected to make full recovery from blood clot. (Los Angeles Times)

Liam Gallagher talks Mumford & Sons, acoustic guitars, lentil soup and “nits.” (NME)

The latest movie ending Samuel L. Jackson rightfully dislikes is Lincoln. (Huffington Post)

 

Deja Hugh – Hefner To Marry Crystal Harris

Crystal Harris Hugh Hefner creepyHugh Hefner is having an especially dick-raising, money draining week. Not only is he hurting his back watching the help put up Christmas decorations around the mansion, he’s engaged to Crystal Harris for the second time!

Refresher – their first wedding was meant to occur in June of 2011 but Harris retreated in fear when Hef tweeted her a sexy photo what she thought was his wrinkled taint (it was really just of him winking).

Okay, so that’s not exactly what happened. No one knows Harris’ exact reason for bailing the first time. Could be the taint wink, could be that the prenup and will weren’t impressive enough.  Continue reading “Deja Hugh – Hefner To Marry Crystal Harris”

Another Pregnant Playmate, Another Baby That Isn’t Hugh Hefner’s

I’m no expert on the exact number of Playboy Playmates and former Hef girlfriends who weren’t infiltrated by the gob of dusty cobwebs he calls sperm, but I assume many women had children after they escaped the villainous watch of robotic peacock butlers.

That would be a great title for a porn. Can you not see Escape From The Grotto sweeping the AVN Awards?

I bring all this up because Holly Madison, #1 girlfriend and star of The Girls Next Door, Holly’s World, and Vegas burlesque show Peepshow, is pregnant.  Continue reading “Another Pregnant Playmate, Another Baby That Isn’t Hugh Hefner’s”

Dr. McCarthy, MD Has Gone Back To Her Roots

Believe it or not, Jenny McCarthy is back in Playboy. I know, I know. Remember way back in 1993 when she was playmate of the year? Jesus, that was almost 20 years ago. Oh well. There’s nothing like a little plastic surgery and photoshop to combat the ravages of middle age.

This is her, what, seventh time getting naked for money? Well, I guess you go with what you know. What I don’t know how this will affect her campaign to kill children. Oh wait, I’m sorry. I mean her campaign against vaccinations.

“All I wanted to do [when I began in the industry] was work with my clothes on, and now I just hope to get them off!” she joked with E! News during a recent interview.

That sounds like a cry of desperation if I’ve ever heard one.  Continue reading “Dr. McCarthy, MD Has Gone Back To Her Roots”