The Ongoing Mystery of Solange and Jay-Z’s Elevator Fight, As Told By Other Websites

I can’t even begin to guess why Beyoncé’s [arguably more hip] younger sister Solange went all windmill arms on Jay-Z in an elevator, or why Beyoncé stood by and watched like a stone cold statue. Most believe Jay-Z wronged Beyoncé in some way and Solange is simply more confrontational or psychiatrically unstable than her sister.

Here’s a timeline of events, as told by other sites, to help us all understand:

The Solange Knowles–Jay Z Elevator Fight Video Just Broke Twitter (Buzzfeed)
Solange Deleted Almost Every Photo of Beyoncé From Her Instagram (Jezebel)
Beyoncé Vomited Old Solange Photos All Over Her Instagram This Morning (Gawker)
After elevator brawl, Jay Z and Solange Knowles go jewelry shopping (Washington Post)
Jay Z & Beyonce UNITED FRONT At Brooklyn Nets Game (TMZ)
Solange street fighter meme
Solange Knowles attacked Jay Z in elevator ‘after he got too close to designer Rachel Roy at Met Gala’ (Daily Mail)

Continue reading “The Ongoing Mystery of Solange and Jay-Z’s Elevator Fight, As Told By Other Websites”

Video: Beyoncé – Partition (Explicit)

Beyoncé is a dedicated wife and mother, but in her latest clip, “Partition,” we see her do what she truly thrives at: performing. Do me a favor and read some lyrics before proceeding:

Oh he so horny, yeah he want to f*ck
He popped all my buttons, and he ripped my blouse
He Monica Lewinsky’d all on my gown

Oh there daddy, daddy didn’t bring the towel
Oh baby baby we betta slow it down

(By performing, I mean bedazzling her funbags and wearing floppy hats and elaborate lingerie that could only be undone by a Greek God with an industrial chainsaw. )  Continue reading “Video: Beyoncé – Partition (Explicit)”

Beyonce Wants Jay-Z to ‘Turn Her Cherry Out’ and ‘Lick Her Skittles’ in New Song

Beyonce partition video still underwearBeyonce randomly released a new self-titled album on Thursday on iTunes without promoting it or mentioning the release date prior.

There are also 17, count ’em, SEVENTEEN new music videos and everyone’s talking about how only she and a handful of other mega famous artists could pull off such ballsy move, but what they’re failing to mention is that the CD is super raunchy.

In the absolutely filthy “Blow,” Bey sings “Can you lick my Skittles, that’s the sweetest in the middle, pink that’s the flavor,” “I can’t wait ’til I get home so you can turn that cherry out” and “give me that daddy long stroke.” Continue reading “Beyonce Wants Jay-Z to ‘Turn Her Cherry Out’ and ‘Lick Her Skittles’ in New Song”

E! Says Beyonce is, Like, Pregnant Again, For Sure

Beyonce surprise faceE! News’ “most read” article today is, unsurprisingly, one confirming that Beyonce is pregnant with her second child. This means she’ll pop out a beautiful baby (likely the subject of her next HBO special) named Green Violet sometime next winter.

(Hard to be excited for her when SOME people are having their breasts and ovaries removed.)

Clues include a concert cancellation (for dehydration and exhaustion), one stomach-concealing Givenchy dress, and the interviews Beyonce gave right after she gave birth to Blue Ivy. The ones where she said Jay-Z and her weren’t done making sweet unprotected love on a rug made of ground-up Destiny’s Child members. The Hobbit Ring humor Beyonce Single Ladies Beyonce’s “I’m about to have another baby” dance goes something like this...

Time Magazine’s ‘Most Influential’ List Includes Jennifer Lawrence, Kim Jong-un, Jay-Z, The Obamas and CHRISTINA AGUILERA??

Jay Z time magazine coverJennifer Lawrence time magazine cover
Time’s “100 Most Influential” list of 2013, with seven covers featuring Oscar winner Jennifer Lawrence, tennis star Li Na, PayPal co-founder Elon Musk, Pakistani women’s activist Malala Yousafzai, Republican senator Rand Paul (son of Ron), Jay-Z and Bollywood actor/producer Aamir Khan.

Within the magazine, we see profiles written by fellow trailblazers like Jodie Foster and Oprah Winfrey, divided into artist, leader, pioneer, titan and icon categories.

Right smack dab in the “artists” section sandwiched between Frank Ocean, Bryan Cranston and Steven Spielberg is Christina Aguilera, which I find odd, taking the non-success of her last two albums (Bionic and Lotus), her hiatus from The Voice, and the fact that she’s a goddamn mess into account.  Continue reading “Time Magazine’s ‘Most Influential’ List Includes Jennifer Lawrence, Kim Jong-un, Jay-Z, The Obamas and CHRISTINA AGUILERA??”

Cuban-Americans Angry at Beyonce and Jay-Z For Visiting Havana

Jay-Z and Beyonce wedding anniversarySome random group of freedom fighters are calling Jay-Z and Beyonce “insensitive” for visiting Cuba on their fifth wedding anniversary.

“There are women getting beaten on a daily basis, women who are being jailed for no reason … people are fighting for their freedom. It’s extremely insensitive,” Mauricio Claver-Carone, director of the Political Action Committee in Washington D.C. told TMZ.

Do I even have to tell you how ludicrous and pointless it is to point fingers at Beyonce for going on vacation in a country that happens to be in turmoil?

When celebrities go on African safari we don’t yell at them for not solving the crisis in Somalia.

Trailer: Battlefield 4

Electronic Arts officially released the trailer for Battlefield 4, featuring a dubstep version of Jay-Z’s “Run This Town” (sung mainly by Rihanna), this week after it was leaked to YouTube.

Battlefield games are realistic, beautifully rendered and only a little less fun to play than Call of Duty.

Continue reading “Trailer: Battlefield 4”

Kanye West Poses Semi-Nude With Kim, Disses The President

Kim and Kanye naked Business duo Kardashian and West are leaving new mementos (Kim-friendly translation: Mentos) for their future daughter to turn red over.

Interesting that Jañye would agree to a naked embrace reminiscent of a bargain bin romance novel for the French magazine L’Officiel Hommes after supposedly having too much artistic integrity to appear on Keeping Up With The Kardashians.

At a concert in the UK over the weekend, Kanye crapped all over Obama (“I don’t give a f*ck what the president’s got to say”), the Grammys (“The Grammys can suck my d*ck”) and Justin Timberlake (“I ain’t f*ckin’ with that ‘Suit & Tie”).

…Again, a few to many insults from the guy who’s signed on for the long haul with the most shameless woman in Hollywood.

Blue Ivy Has a Face (With a Mouth and Eyes!)

Blue Ivy Carter faceJay-Z and Beyonce may soon be able to retire and live off a steady income generated by road dog, friend and daughter, Blue Ivy Carter. Before birth, the announcement of Ivy’s existence almost broke Google and Twitter and made the 2011 VMAs the most watched in MTV’s history…

After birth, BIC’s heartbeat and screams on “Glory” helped her become the youngest person credited on a Billboard-charting song (watch the throne, Quvenzhané Wallis). Now her face, which we already saw last February, is causing a succinct, universal “awwww.”

Crashing servers left and right is Ivy’s unimpressed upside-down smile, taken from the HBO documentary, Life is But a Dream. Looks familiar, huh?

Courtney Love Covers ’99 Problems’ At Sundance

Courtney Love sundance 2013Courtney Love, never one to censor herself, covered Jay-Z’s “99 Problems” with most of the original lyrics (including the n-word) onstage in Park City, Utah during Sundance.

Before playing the song she said “It either sucks or it’s genius,” which could also apply to all the movies screened at Sundance.

And don’t even start to wonder if it’s okay for her to say the n-word. She’s a bitter, broke, equal opportunity, rock star. Not even equal, because her all her problems seem to involve throwing shade at her white peers and frenemies. Problems like:

1. Gwen Stefani and her husband:

His band never did that well but he is very, very smart. He runs the Gwen show, that’s him. He runs the clothing line, he f**king built that up, he has nothing else to do.  Continue reading “Courtney Love Covers ’99 Problems’ At Sundance”

Justin Timberlake’s New Song ‘Suit & Tie’ is Rubbish

Justin Timberlake middle fingerI’ve loved Justin Timberlake ever since I found out there was an alternative to the Backstreet Boys. I put up with his cornrows, cross tattoo, and matching denim cowboy hat and jacket because I knew he would always bring me joy with his luscious musical talents and kind blue eyes, but now I see that his recent marriage to Jessica Biel has rusted his gift, and something must be done!

Though I’m positive that the new song, “Suit & Tie” featuring Jay-Z, is a rushed, throwaway b-side track to appease the fans and by no means a gauge of what the album he’s working on (The 20/20 Experiencewill be like, I also know as a longtime Timberlake fan that it’s the fault of his current girlfriend, or in this case, wife.

Continue reading “Justin Timberlake’s New Song ‘Suit & Tie’ is Rubbish”

Jay-Z Look-Alike Wanted For New York Serial Murder

Police have a few leads on a serial killer that has been terrorizing Middle Eastern shopkeepers in Brooklyn. One of them is someone who looks an awful lot like partial Nets owner, Jay-Z.
This police sketch of a man with a buzz cut and sunglasses may or may not be the “Crazy 8 Killer” wanted for three murders in 2012, July 6, August 3 and November 16.  Continue reading “Jay-Z Look-Alike Wanted For New York Serial Murder”

Beyonce Is 2013’s Super Bowl XLVII Act

Since when is a picture of Beyonce wearing eyeblack (way too far from her eyes, by the way) with the exact date of the Super Bowl a “hint” that she’s performing there?

After her people posted the super mysterious photo on Tumblr the NFL confirmed that Bey had secured a spot on the historic list of halftime artists like the Black Eyed Peas’ auto-tune, Paul McCartney’s undereye bags and Janet Jackson’s nipple to play the championship game.

Kickoff begins on February 3 in New Orleans. So watch or be square. It’s extremely likely that Jay-Z will pop out for a shortened rendition of “Crazy In Love…” Or “Upgrade U,” or “Deja Vu.

Jay-Z Jumps On Barack’s Pro-Gay Marriage Bandwagon

Jay-Z isn’t exactly the first person you’d expect to come out in support of gay marriage, but he’s not the last either. The underlying (or obvious) homophobia in rap has been apparent for years.

Artists like Rick Ross, Eminem, The Game, 50 Cent, Kanye West, Ja Rule, DMX and Tyler, The Creator are all guilty of it in some form. Jay-Z, who recently came out in in support of Obama’s comments, has never done more than name-drop notorious gay-basher Buju Banton.

People still seem shocked by his words. “I’ve always thought it as something that was still holding the country back. What people do in their own homes is their business and you can choose to love whoever you love.”

Continue reading “Jay-Z Jumps On Barack’s Pro-Gay Marriage Bandwagon”

Maya Rudolph Spoofs Beyonce In Blue Ivy Carter Skit

The most recent episode of Saturday Night Live was a highlight of the season and perhaps the past three years as well. I’d rank it right up there with the Justin Timberlake/Lady Gaga episode.

One memorable moment (of many) was the Beyonce baby skit, which was an excuse not only for Jay Pharoah to do his Jay-Z impression and for Maya Rudolph to reprise her role as Beyonce but for a bevvy of “celebrities” to congratulate them.

Justin Timberlake came out as Bon Iver’s Justin Vernon saying “Sorry I’m late, whatever…I fashioned this guitar out of a canoe” and singing something indiscernible about a ferris wheel. Continue reading “Maya Rudolph Spoofs Beyonce In Blue Ivy Carter Skit”

Baby Photo Alert – Blue Ivy Not-So-Hard-Knock-Life Carter

The royal R&B baby reveal day is finally here, after, well, not that long. On a Tumblr page dedicated specifically to their daughter, Beyonce and Jay-Z wrote the message,

“We welcome you to share in our joy. Thank you for respecting our privacy during this beautiful time in our lives.”

So far, they’ve posted five pictures. Two of the baby with its thick quaife of Indian emo hair, one of its hand and one with each parent, both smiling.

Perhaps they know they just birthed a double diva baby, whose name they just filed to trademark, mostly to avoid other greedy bastards from capitalizing on the “Blue Ivy Carter” moniker. (Two applicants already attempted but were rightfully rejected)

Continue reading “Baby Photo Alert – Blue Ivy Not-So-Hard-Knock-Life Carter”

Video: Jay-Z And Kanye West – “Niggas In Paris”

Leave it to Kanye West and Jay-Z to combine the three laziest methods of music videocology 101: kaleidoscopes, concert footage and movie clips. (Will Ferrell in Blades Of Glory)

The main problem with this video (and song) is that it’s not as energetic and epic as I imagine seeing these two in concert is and it’s just not creative or even worthy of a 2012 VMA nomination though it will surely get one. Continue reading “Video: Jay-Z And Kanye West – “Niggas In Paris””