Luke Perry Would Hypothetically Marry Donna, Shag Kelly and Kill Brenda

Beverly Hills 90210 memeIf you were ever wondering which Beverly Hills 90210 cast members Luke Perry would put a ring on, bone and murder, the answers are here.

Perry visited Watch What Happens Live on Tuesday when a caller presented him with the question and options.

“I’d marry Tori because I told her dad I’d look out for her,” Perry chivalrously replied. “That’s the best way for me to do that. I’d kill Shannen, because she’d want me to. And that’s the only reason.”

Then he grinned and asked “What was the other one?” fully knowing that he wanted to make Jennie Garth forget about Peter Facinelli by hypnotizing her with his forehead and penis wrinkles.

I assume talented, real-life and onscreen witch Shannen would “want” Luke to kill her because the hatred is mutual, and marriage or sex with him would melt her skin like a bucket filled with black licorice, Chris Brown and a Cabin in the Woods DVD would melt mine.

Stories I’m Too Lazy To Write About [12-2-12]

Jennie Garth Luke Perry walk 2012
QUEUE THE 90210 THEME –  Jennie Garth and Luke Perry went on a walk. (E! Online)

Mario Lopez got married (not to Ryan Seacrest), here are some photos. (Celebuzz)

NME best songs list includes M.I.A., Grimes, Frank Ocean, Solange, and… Carly Rae? (NME)

Brandi Glanville still pissed that LeAnn Rimes stole her children. (Evil Beet)

Actual blurry image of Taylor Swift and One Direction’s Harry Styles in NYC exists. (ONTD!)

Lindsay Lohan says NO NO NO to rehab despite everyone’s best efforts. (TMZ)

Friend of Jovan Belcher says he was “immature,” had memory loss, alcoholic tendencies. (Deadspin)

Stories I’m Too Lazy To Write About [8-8-12]

Lolo Jones almost won a medal on Tuesday, U.S. media still compares her to Kournikova (Yahoo!)

Cops arrest a very naked Randy Travis in Texas (TMZ)

Trailblazer Nicolas Batum banned from Olympics after punching a guy in the nuts (NBC)

Bob Hoskins diagnosed with parkinson’s, retires from acting (L.A. Times)

First female NFL ref will debut at Packers game (Huffington Post)

Jennie Garth didn’t need to lose weight, but she did anyway (Us Magazine)

Macy’s Music Festival attendee greeted with racist message in hotel room (eurthisnthat)

Obama wants to take away your pizza (Global Grind)

Mila Kunis and Ashton Kutcher hold hands and sing kumbaya on a tropical island (Evil Beet)

Indian man padlocked his wife’s vagina (Hurriyet Daily News)

Hillary Clinton does the Elaine (NY Daily News)

No More Jennie Garth And Peter Facinelli

Twilight/Nurse Jackie doctor Peter Facinelli and professional 90210 preppy girl/What I Like About You sister Jennie Garth are getting a divorce after 11 years of marriage.

Though no official reason has been cited Facinelli told Us Weekly:

“While we have decided to end our marriage, we both share the same deep love and devotion to our children. We remain dedicated to raising our beautiful daughters together. We ask for privacy and respect during this time.”

Jennie and Peter have three daughters together, Luca is the oldest at 14 and nine year-old Lola and five year-old Fiona follow.

According to Scallywag & Vagabond, Facinelli had an affair with a Canadian woman that he met during the filming of Breaking Dawn.

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