Jennifer Lawrence’s Legal Team, Like All Legal Teams, Are Total Assholes

So I got an email today from Jennifer Lawrence’s lawyer and I also stepped in poop. The poop thing is obviously much worse, but not really a story.

The email stated that I need to remove a completely censored image of Jennifer, one of the many from her widespread hacked nude photo scandal and also my entire article.

Let me just say that, like my fat cat Raisin (the one whose poop I stepped in), her lawyers are sweet but also completely misguided and derpy. Believing they can actually stop the photos from being shared and seen leads me to believe that – also like Raisin – THEY HAVE NO IDEA HOW THE INTERNET WORKS.  Continue reading “Jennifer Lawrence’s Legal Team, Like All Legal Teams, Are Total Assholes”

Jennifer Lawrence ‘Too Famous’ For Love

Jennifer Lawrence and long-term British hubby Nicholas Hoult reportedly broke up because Lawrence is “in love with fame” and has an “exploded ego.”

I know explosive diarrhea goes away after a few hours and some form of hydration, but what’s the cure for an exploded ego?

I figure you make the subject churn butter with the Amish, or sing with nuns to remind them what it’s like to be a regular, non-recognized person, but if there’s anyone in Hollywood who seems to not need a course in being down-to-earth, it’s Jennifer Lawrence.

According to Celebrity Fix, fame-hating Hoult is now interested in indie starlet Riley Keough because his ex is just too good at her job A-list.  Continue reading “Jennifer Lawrence ‘Too Famous’ For Love”

Lindsay Lohan Thinks Jennifer Lawrence Spreads Her Legs as Often as She Falls on the Red Carpet and Talks About Food

\Jennifer Lawrence excited
After telling Andy Cohen just the other day that she will not say anything bad about fellow actresses and finds that behavior “sad” after being asked what she thought of Rosie O’Donnell saying her new reality show on OWN caused “suffering, destruction and distress,” it’s hard to believe that Lindsay Lohan accused Jennifer Lawrence of sleeping around to get movie roles, but UPI is reporting just that.

According to the website, Lohan threw Lawrence into her burn book during a drunken interview with Kode magazine, saying the following words:

“She’s so fake and I’m sorry I’m not going to f*ck for roles.”

The chances that Lindsay actually said that are probably slimmer than the number of people who watch her show, but she did tell Cohen that she’s “done with mugshots and ready for an Oscar” – something Lawrence has, along with an intact face and sense of self – so maybe whoever said green was the color of envy was wrong. Maybe it’s redheaded and smells of menthol cigarettes and cab driver semen. Continue reading “Lindsay Lohan Thinks Jennifer Lawrence Spreads Her Legs as Often as She Falls on the Red Carpet and Talks About Food”

Jennifer Lawrence’s Best Friend (Who is Not You) and Boyfriend (Also Not You) Sing Her Praises

Jennifer Lawrence Nicholas Hoult Oscars 2014If you watched (or read about) the Oscars you may have noticed Jennifer Lawrence – dolphin in a sea of sharks, America’s charmingly shocked, clumsy and down-to-earth sweetheart – falling on the red carpet, presenting Best Actor to Matthew McConaughey (who memorably spoke of his father in heaven drinking beer in his underwear) and taking a Twitter-breaking selfie with Ellen, Bradley Cooper and a lot of other people with perfect skin who poop uncut diamonds.

Jennifer Lawrence is in fact so special and loved, she has separate dates to sit and walk with. Bestie Laura Simpson took the arrival honors, lending an arm-flailing Lawrence her neck and “freshly done Lauren Conrad up do” to break her fall, while longtime Brit boyfriend Nicholas Hoult (About a Boy, Skins, X-Men: First Class) appeared as her grinning, televised chair warmer.  Continue reading “Jennifer Lawrence’s Best Friend (Who is Not You) and Boyfriend (Also Not You) Sing Her Praises”

Jennifer Lawrence Looks Like Young Meryl Streep?

Meryl Streep Jennifer Lawrence
Sooo I was re-watching The Hunger Games: Catching Fire, and had an epiphany during the part where Katniss/Jennifer Lawrence gets knocked on her ass and sees the force field open…

She looks a bit like a young Meryl Streep (and Jewel, of course). She’s also been compared to Helen Mirren, another actress who, like Streep, has aged beautifully.  Continue reading “Jennifer Lawrence Looks Like Young Meryl Streep?”

Oscar Predictions: ‘American Hustle’ Will Probably Win Best Picture, But Like Jon Snow, I Know Nothing

jennifer lawrence thank god for me kitchen fire american hustle gif
The Oscar nominations list has been released and the important categories (best picture, actor, actress etc.) include a whole lot of the same non-crap we saw at the Globes, and I have a lot of questions.

Does Sandra Bullock spinning through fake space in a tank top and booty shorts constitute a nomination or is she just too beloved by the world Academy to ever not be honored?

Can Leonardo DiCaprio score his first win for the most picked-apart movie of the year, The Wolf of Wall Street? If Ralph Fiennes couldn’t win for Schindler’s List, then no, he can’t.

Like me, they still see Leo as the baby-faced Romeo who fucked Tilda Swinton on a beach.

I didn’t see Nebraska, Philomena (or “Phil-o-mania,” as DiCaprio called it last Sunday), 12 Years a Slave, Dallas Buyers Club OR Captain Phillips, so I’m rooting for the one I did see and liked. [David O.] Russell’s [AmericanHustle, not because it had an original premise, but because Christian Bale, Jeremy Renner, Amy Adams and Jennifer Lawrence are golden Gods and Goddesses all worthy of a statue or two.

Continue reading “Oscar Predictions: ‘American Hustle’ Will Probably Win Best Picture, But Like Jon Snow, I Know Nothing”

Maid Finds Jennifer Lawrence’s Butt Plug Stash, Pulls Prank

Jennifer Lawrence went on Conan on Wednesday and told a story about the time she encountered a hotel maid with a sense of humor to rival her own.

Apparently Lawrence was gifted “a copious amount of butt plugs” as a joke, but when she tried to hide them this, happened:

So the maid was coming so I was like, ‘Well I’ll just shove this under the bed so she doesn’t see all these butt plugs.’ She might not know they’re for a joke.”

Oh, there’s more.

“Then I came back and all of them were brought out of the bed and were in this beautiful display on my bedside table,” she added. “I think she knew what she was doing. They were under the bed! I wanted to leave a note like, ‘not mine’ or ‘bought as joke.'”

Continue reading “Maid Finds Jennifer Lawrence’s Butt Plug Stash, Pulls Prank”

‘Hunger Games’ Stars Talk Camel Toes and Pee

As most of The Hunger Games: Catching Fire takes place in an island environment and was filmed in Hawaii, the stars had to wear form-fitting wetsuits which they peed in on the regular.

Fortunately for Jennifer Lawrence, Jenna Malone and the like, the wetsuits did not show all their ladybits ala “Oops!…I Did It Again” or Miley and Iggy Azalea at the EMAs.

“I was surprised at how little camel toe problem there was,” Lawrence told E!. “I was expecting a lot more.”

“They actually were pretty comfortable once we found you can actually pee through them– just go into the ocean and take care of your business,” Katniss’ fictional partner in one-sided romance, Josh Hutcherson, said of the suits.

Continue reading “‘Hunger Games’ Stars Talk Camel Toes and Pee”

Trailer: X-Men: Days of Future Past

Though I think it was kind of douchey for Bryan Singer to take back the franchise he killed from Matthew Vaughn, the man who revitalized it with X Men: First Class, Days of Future Past looks promising.

With the help of Picard and Gandalf’s narration, Hugh Jackman’s bare chest and Jennifer Lawrence’s tears, Singer may successfully Febreze away the stench of X Men: The Last Stand.

WATCH: Final ‘Hunger Games: Catching Fire’ Trailer

In the third and final trailer for The Hunger Games: Catching Fire, which hits theaters November 22, we see Katniss attempting to escape from the monkey island that is entirely controlled by disapproving Capital watchdogs. THE SUSPENSE, THE SUSPENSE… oh wait, I read the book.

Jennifer Lawrence to MILF it up in ‘East of Eden’

Jennifer Lawrence East of EdenIn cooperation with Universal, Gary Ross will direct his Hunger Games muse (Jennifer Lawrence) in an adaptation of John Steinbeck’s 1952 novel East of Eden.

Lawrence will play a mom in the latest film version, the first of course being the 1955 interpretation, one of only three movies the great and handsome James Dean starred in before his death. (James Franco, can you hear me?) From Deadline.com:

Ross wants Lawrence to play Cathy Ames, the cold and cruel mother of the boys and estranged wife of the farmer. The films will tell their stories, leading into the rivalry between their sons.  Continue reading “Jennifer Lawrence to MILF it up in ‘East of Eden’”

PRICELESS: Jennifer Lawrence Meets Jeff Bridges

Jennifer Lawrence Jeff BridgesEvery woman’s imaginary BFF Jennifer Lawrence met “The Dude” at Comic-Con and, like her encounters with Sarah Jessica Parker and Jack Nicholson, it was every bit as spectacular as you’d expect.

Lawrence spotted Bridges a short distance away from where she was talking to Extra about The Hunger Games and ran over to him, then ran away, then ran back to him and was handed the microphone by whoever was interviewing him about his new movie, R.I.P.D.

Lawrence could not stop smiling. Or apologizing. Skip the boring stuff until you hit 2:30 and WATCH…“I’m such a huge fan, oh my god, I’m so sorry. Sorry good to see you I’m so sorry for interrupting. There are cameras everywhere… What was your favorite movie that you’ve ever done?” …Adorable.

Trailer: The Hunger Games: Catching Fire #2

Katniss, Peeta, Gale, Primrose and the rest of the non-Capital inhabitants (plus actual Capital inhabitants) are in for a whole new mess of trouble in the upcoming Hunger Games movie…

After reading the book I was excited to see the island the games take place on in the trailer, and that does finally happen here if only for a few brief seconds (2:18). Plus… Finnick and Johanna!
Finnick character poster catching fireJohanna Mason character poster
I guess I’ll just have to actually watch it in the theater and see the lightning, monkeys fog and blood rain for myself. Click HERE for Catching Fire trailer #1, released in April. In theaters Nov. 22.

Are Jennifer Lawrence and Rihanna Friends?

Rihanna Jennifer Lawrence instagramIt certainly appears that way.  Which is so unfortunate because Jennifer Lawrence is so awesome, and Rihanna’s so annoying a whore.

The two ran into each other at a restaurant in Paris during Fashion Week, and snapped this adorable picture.

Just look at the difference in the way they’re dressed.  Jennifer’s got that midwest charm, looking like the girl next door.  Gosh, she’s just great.  And Rihanna’s next to her looking like…that.  In a restaurant.  A restaurant in Paris.  Take a fucking shower. 

Jennifer just doesn’t look as into it–she probably doesn’t want Rihanna to touch her and get her all sticky.  And based on the picture’s caption–and the fact that it was posted from Rihanna’s account–it appears that Rihanna was the excited one.  I can see Jennifer’s point of view. I probably wouldn’t be into it either if it weren’t for the fact that if I ever met Rihanna in a restaurant, I’m certain she’d get me high and bang me on the table right then and there.  Because she’s Rihanna.  She does that stuff.  Continue reading “Are Jennifer Lawrence and Rihanna Friends?”

Jennifer Lawrence Lost Weight to Play Mystique?

Jennifer Lawrence mystique new x menFlog and chastise me all you want for talking about Jennifer Lawrence‘s weight, but I’m one of the good guys. I talk about it because I can’t believe people actually think she’s “overweight” or big in any way and aren’t just saying it to be mean. (Need I remind you of formerly respected New York Times film critic Manohla Dargis, who wondered why Lawrence and her “womanly figure” were cast as starving Katniss Everdeen.)

The internet is abuzz after X-Men: Days of Future Past director Bryan Singer tweeted a photo of naked J-Law back in the blue Mystique paint she last donned in 2011.

Everyone’s like “Oh my god, she lost weight, the criticism is getting to her.” OR it’s because she just went through a breakup (with First Class co-star Nicholas Hoult).  Continue reading “Jennifer Lawrence Lost Weight to Play Mystique?”

Time Magazine’s ‘Most Influential’ List Includes Jennifer Lawrence, Kim Jong-un, Jay-Z, The Obamas and CHRISTINA AGUILERA??

Jay Z time magazine coverJennifer Lawrence time magazine cover
Time’s “100 Most Influential” list of 2013, with seven covers featuring Oscar winner Jennifer Lawrence, tennis star Li Na, PayPal co-founder Elon Musk, Pakistani women’s activist Malala Yousafzai, Republican senator Rand Paul (son of Ron), Jay-Z and Bollywood actor/producer Aamir Khan.

Within the magazine, we see profiles written by fellow trailblazers like Jodie Foster and Oprah Winfrey, divided into artist, leader, pioneer, titan and icon categories.

Right smack dab in the “artists” section sandwiched between Frank Ocean, Bryan Cranston and Steven Spielberg is Christina Aguilera, which I find odd, taking the non-success of her last two albums (Bionic and Lotus), her hiatus from The Voice, and the fact that she’s a goddamn mess into account.  Continue reading “Time Magazine’s ‘Most Influential’ List Includes Jennifer Lawrence, Kim Jong-un, Jay-Z, The Obamas and CHRISTINA AGUILERA??”

Trailer: The Hunger Games: Catching Fire

The first Catching Fire trailer premiered last night at the MTV Movie Awards with plenty of footage of District 12 and The Capital and none of the island Peeta and Katniss will spend most of the movie on.

Yeah, spoiler: the former champs end up back in the games with two old people (Beetee and Wiress), a hot guy who’s good at sex and swimming (Finnick) and a sneaky bitch (Johanna).
Jennifer Lawrence Catching Fire