Stand by for Maximum Butts: J-Lo and Iggy Azalea Made a Video Together…

Jlo Iggy azalea bootyThe oldest butt and the newest joined forces for a song called, get ready for it, “Booty.” A middle-eastern tune best served after repeated viewings of Nicki Minaj’s “Anaconda,” the “Dance (Ass)” remix and Kim Kardashian’s entire Instagram.

Seriously, how many simple-minded men have to die of heart problems all so Jennifer Lopez can feel superior to Kim and Nicki?

You know she came up with this concept after turning around in the mirror asking Evil Queen-style who has the roundest derriere of all?  Continue reading “Stand by for Maximum Butts: J-Lo and Iggy Azalea Made a Video Together…”

‘American Idol’ Season 13 Officially Has The Worst Judge’s Panel Ever

American idol judges 2013With newbie Harry Connick Jr. and stragglers Jennifer Lopez and Keith Urban filling American Idol’s judge seats for season 13, I have to ask, WHY?

Why is the show still airing? Why did they pick Harry Connick Jr. and WHY did Jennifer Lopez agree to come back on the leaky sinking ship that Simon Cowell and Paula Abdul built and abandoned ages ago?

The Voice has had Shakira, Usher, Christina Aguilera, Cee Lo and Adam Levine, and they pick Harry Connick Jr.? America’s Got Talent is not doing much better with Mel B. It’s really not that hard to know what the kids are into these days…

X-Factor knows. Khloe, Demi, Britney… Harry Connick Jr. is only cool to people who still read newspapers, watch TV for the Brady Bunch reruns and masturbate to polaroid pictures they keep in a shoebox.

Jennifer Lopez Performs for Corrupt Turkmenistan Leader

Jennifer Lopez swimsuit magazineJennifer Lopez is pissing a lot of people off after performing “Happy Birthday, Mr. President” to the leader of Turkmenistan, Gurbanguly Berdymukhamedov (yikes, we’ll call him Gurb), on Sunday, garnering criticism from the Human Rights Foundation and pretty much everyone.

Why? Because Gurb is a corrupt authoritarian leader of one of the most corrupt and repressive countries in the world. He has been in power since 2006 and has made no improvements whatsoever to the country’s quality of life, which needless to say, is low.

He’s kept in place previous bans on everything from video games, to car radios, to facial hair. The state maintains a high level of control of the media and news, and is ranked as one of the most censored countries in the world. And any government opposition will get you life imprisonment.

Whoa. Whoa indeed! Human Rights Foundation president Thor Halvorssen said the same thing, before releasing the following statement:  Continue reading “Jennifer Lopez Performs for Corrupt Turkmenistan Leader”

‘The Fosters,’ Produced by Jennifer Lopez, Reminds Us That Not All Lesbian Couples Are Teens

The Fosters ABC FamilyThe description of ABC Family’s The Fosters may sound over-the-top, but the show about two bi-racial lesbian foster moms with the last name “Foster” is dear to producer Jennifer Lopez’s blood-pumping organ.

“I had an aunt who was gay,” Lopez said during a chat with ET. “I lived with her and I loved her. She just passed away from cancer. I thought of her often when I was thinking about taking on this project and the prejudices that she faced.”

The show, starring Teri Polo (Meet The Parents) and Sherri Saum, has been criticized by that pesky handful of uptight housewives, One Million Moms, who said “Obviously, ABC has lost their minds,” fearing that the world would burn and collapse into itself as marriages were “redefined.”

Not that anyone without a Showtime subscription would even know that not all [television] lesbians are teenagers. (OMM would love to think that they switch teams on their 20th birthday.)  Continue reading “‘The Fosters,’ Produced by Jennifer Lopez, Reminds Us That Not All Lesbian Couples Are Teens”

Celeb-By-Celeb Breakdown of the 2013 Grammys

jennifer lopez grammy leg
The Grammys are boring, but you and I, we can pretend they’re not by focusing less on the gaudy “rock” and country music and more on the scandals, bad outfits and cleavage.

These are the most headline-worthy celebrities at the 55th Annual Grammy Awards

1. Jennifer Lopez

J-Lo joked onstage that she couldn’t give a cougarf*cking Casper Smart about CBS’s prude dress code memo, delivering a big f-you in the form of a giant, puffy genital-exposing gam.  Continue reading “Celeb-By-Celeb Breakdown of the 2013 Grammys”

‘You Knew Me Better Than This:’ Jennifer Lopez Shames Fans Who Believed She Had A Maid Fired Over An Autograph

With pop stars, I tend to like the music more than the person behind it, but in the case of Jennifer Lopez, I like the person better than the music.

That’s not to say that she’s Mother Teresa, who danced on handcrafted wooden tables instead of Fiats (big difference), but I did doubt the credibility of a hotel maid who claimed Yennifer got her fired her because she wanted an autograph.

“C’mon thought you knew me better than this.. Would never get anyone fired over an autograph. 1st I heard of this was on twitter. #hurtful,” LoFiat tweeted as a response to anyone who thought the story wasn’t total caca.

Continue reading “‘You Knew Me Better Than This:’ Jennifer Lopez Shames Fans Who Believed She Had A Maid Fired Over An Autograph”

Shirley Manson Recounts Intense Meeting With J-Lo

Garbage frontwoman Shirley Manson told Girl On Guy’s Aisha Tyler about an early encounter with a pop star she’d spoken ill of to the media earlier in her career in a podcast interview released Thursday.

When Tyler asked Manson if she ever had a public moment where she thought she was going to say something “explosive” or incendiary to the media, she responded with this anecdote:

“One really stupid thing I said was, I kind of went after J-Lo. Which I do regret actually because I then met her many years later and I respect her, she’s hardcore. She’s a hard worker. She’s fought tooth and nail to do what she does for a living.”  Continue reading “Shirley Manson Recounts Intense Meeting With J-Lo”

Judge Jennifer Lopez Tells Judge Mariah And Judge Britney To Not ‘Think Too Much’

Two-year American Idol judge J-Lo has advice for the two latest big-name pop princesses to try their uncalloused hands at music competition judging.

“If you try and think too much about what people might think or what you’re saying too much, I think you get lost.” …That’s Lopez’s advice to X Factor‘s Britney Spears, and honorable season 12 Idol judge Mariah Carey. 

Here’s a short list of things that are a problem for Mariah Carey and Britney Spears…  Continue reading “Judge Jennifer Lopez Tells Judge Mariah And Judge Britney To Not ‘Think Too Much’”

Video: Jennifer Lopez – Goin’ In Feat. Flo Rida

The Lopez dispenser is back at it. Pumping out overproduced undercreative music videos at the speed of Beyonce. “Goin’ In” is as bad as you’d guess after only hearing the title…

Strobelights, a blatant Remy Martin vodka advertisement, and a lot of pink shit. Pink fire hydrant, Jennifer in a pink cape with vajazzled lips, and a shattered pink grenade.  Continue reading “Video: Jennifer Lopez – Goin’ In Feat. Flo Rida”

Yennifer Lopez Jumps Out Of The Sinking Idol Ship

Up until 2009 American Idol had the same judges – Simon, Paula and Randy.

It was something you could count on, even if counting on a show that has produced only four truly successful radio artists (Kelly Clarkson, Daughtry, Carrie Underwood and Adam Lambert) feels like too much work. Now it’s lacking credibility and stability.

First Steven Tyler announced his departure from the show after two years as a judge and today Jennifer Lopez called into Ryan Seacrest’s radio show to say she’s moving on as well. Here are her confusing words:

“It’s been a long thought process. I really have been torn… but even last year, it was super tough to decide. Something has to give. That’s where I am right now.”  Continue reading “Yennifer Lopez Jumps Out Of The Sinking Idol Ship”

Video: Sherry Vine – “You’re A Whore”

You are all familiar by now with Jennifer Lopez’s “On The Floor” featuring Pitbull so I figure I’d introduce you to the Weird-Al-drag-queen version of the song.

It was posted quite a long time ago (June 2011) but it’s one of my favorites by Sherry Vine, visionary creator of classics like Adele’s “Coz My Holes So Deep” and Rihanna’s “We Found Sperm.”

Continue reading “Video: Sherry Vine – “You’re A Whore””

J-Lo Bought Her Son A Hot Wheels Truck

Jennifer Lopez bought her 25 year-old son boyfriend a customized Dodge Ram truck for his birthday on Friday.

People like to put emphasis on Jennifer’s age (she’s 42) and say they’re together cause he wants money and she wants to feel young, but it’s unnecessary.

I don’t criticize the age difference, I criticize her general taste in men, and this is a step down from everybody. Casper Smart might as well be Kevin Federline or former J-Lo hubby Cris Judd.

Continue reading “J-Lo Bought Her Son A Hot Wheels Truck”

Video: Jennifer Lopez – “Dance Again”

Jennifer Lopez REALLY ‘loves to make love’ to Casper Smart. Her words not mine. Other favorite hobbies include dancing, bodypaint, and making people uncomfortable.

I’m personally glad that my ceiling isn’t made of writhing naked people, and that gravity applies to my home. I have a body odor phobia. What’s that called? Bromidrophobia, thanks Google. Continue reading “Video: Jennifer Lopez – “Dance Again””

Jennifer Lopez’s Y Chromosome Stunt Double

Women using a male stunt doubles isn’t as uncommon as you think. There simply aren’t enough girls in the business of flinging their bodies into blocks and out of buildings.

If you ever saw the excellent documentary Double Dare which chronicled the daily lives of stuntwomen Zoe Bell (Xena, Death Proof) and Jeannie Epper (Wonder Woman) you’d know that they are out there.

Still, Angelina Jolie had a male double in Lara Croft Tomb Raider: The Cradle Of Life during the wingsuit scene and now Jennifer Lopez is utilizing one in her latest music video, “Follow The Leader” which is directed by her boyfriend, Casper Smart.  Continue reading “Jennifer Lopez’s Y Chromosome Stunt Double”

J-Lo Grabs Herself And Revisits ‘Enough’

Jennifer Lopez played an abused wife who learned to hit back in the 2002 film, Enough, and now, she’s taken that a step further in a new spread for V Magazine.

And by spread, I mean she has a penis, or a bulge caused by an improperly designed Cleto Reyes groin and abdominal protector.

Enlarged clitoris or not, this shoot brings back memories of a better time, when she still had baby fat and side bangs and the biggest butt in town.

Now she’s a three-time divorcee, on American Idol and Q’Viva with Marc Anthony plus dancing on Fiats with her legs in the air.

I’m starting a bring-andro-J-Lo-back petition. Maybe there’s hope hidden in these photos?  Continue reading “J-Lo Grabs Herself And Revisits ‘Enough’”

Oscar Peep Show: J-Lo’s Nip And DEAR GOD ANGELINA, PUT YOUR LEG AWAY!

My vision isn’t all that good to begin with, making barely discernible things even harder to spot. Usually I’m the only one inappropriately yelling about nip slips (surrounded by family) during awards shows or televised concerts.

After Sunday’s Academy Awards ceremony I realized it wasn’t just me who thought they saw J-Lo’s side areola while onstage with Cameron Diaz.

No matter how I peer at it through my old man magnifying glass I just can’t tell if there’s anything there or not. From far away there does seem to be a larger shadow on the right side?  Continue reading “Oscar Peep Show: J-Lo’s Nip And DEAR GOD ANGELINA, PUT YOUR LEG AWAY!”

So This is Jennifer Lopez’s New Boyfriend?

Casper Smart is no longer a rumored boytoy of J-Lo, he’s a sure thing. You know how I know? Jennifer Lopez has consistently bad taste in men. I once confused Marc Anthony for the hamster I had in 2nd grade. And who remembers Ojani Noa, or Cris Judd?

Like Smart, Judd was a choreographer and dancer/”actor.” Though when a dancer calls themselves an actor it’s the equivalent to a stripper calling themselves a dancer.

Continue reading “So This is Jennifer Lopez’s New Boyfriend?”