Cloudy With A 200% Chance Of Meatballs: Snooki Had A Baby!

Last I heard, Nicole Polizzi was in a hospital in lovely Livingston, New Jersey giving birth to a penne noodle covered in orange sauce. No, she isn’t battling a severe bout of dysentery or opening a Chinese/Italian fusion restaurant…

By now (seven days before labor day), Snooki and her 5’3″ off-duty lifeguard Jionni have welcomed a baby juicehead named Lorenzo into the world!

I imagine that everyone’s favorite sausage in a leopard-print dress is flashing a camera in her baby’s sensitive placental expulsion-covered face with intentions to sell the photos to People or Us Weekly in exchange for gumball machine coins.

I Think We Have A Situation… It’s A Boy!

The vodka prenatal vitamin guzzling queen of the Jersey Shore has sold her “big Snooki interview” (as they not-so-subtly stamped on their cover) to In Touch where she revealed the sex of her baby with Jionni LaValle.

Now, depending on dominant genes, this baby could end up looking like either Mark Consuelos (he’s half-Italian half-Latino just like their baby will be), or James Gandolfini, just because.

Their baby could grow up to be so many things… a firefighter like Snooki’s dad, a wrestler like Jionni’s relatives or a reality television star, like mom.

“Everyone said I was going to have a boy, and they were right!” Snooki told the magazine. “I thought it was going to be a girl. I was hoping it would be, because all girls want girls, it’s still my baby, no matter what.” The couple is deciding on two names – Lorenzo or Jionni Jr.  Continue reading “I Think We Have A Situation… It’s A Boy!”

Snooki Is Pregnant And Engaged FOR SURE

The Chilean volcano is pregnant with a little Snookerita! Us Weekly has confirmed the story in their latest issue.

Twenty four year-old Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi is around four months pregnant and engaged to the baby daddy, boyfriend of one and a half years, Jionni LaValle.

“I have different priorities now,” Snooki tells the mag,“I don’t care what anybody else thinks. As long as I know I’m ready and he’s ready.”

She found out right after New Years and admits to being concerned because she was pounding a giant wheelbarrow full of booze at the time. Her first thought:

“Shit, I’ve been drinking!’ I was worried. It was New Year’s Eve and we were in Vegas, so I did go crazy.”  Continue reading “Snooki Is Pregnant And Engaged FOR SURE”

Snooki’s Monthly Twitter Summary Dec/Jan

If I had to pick one celebrity to stalk I’d pick Snooki without hesitation. If you’re going to talk about a famous person who involves their fans in their life, it doesn’t get much better than Nicole Polizzi. This month she reached four million Twitter followers, which is twice as many as her fellow Jersey Shore castmates who harbor about one or two million each.

Her charisma and public persona are the exact reason. She’s a person who uses Social media to her absolute advantage, and her fans love her in turn for constantly keeping them up to date on her every waking move.

Do I check her Twitter every day or even every week? No. But like every fascinated American teen to twenty-something, I watch Jersey Shore. I am also greatly amused by her feed and multiple daily posts, which I like to overload on all at once, every few months.

Continue reading “Snooki’s Monthly Twitter Summary Dec/Jan”

Why Is Snooki Still Dating That Jionni Guy?

After watching last night’s episode of Jersey Shore (season four, episode eight), I have to wonder why that adorable Chilean volcano sub sandwich is still dating that horribly unfun steroid pumpkin Jionni? During the episode, Jionni finally came to visit Nicole in Italy (taped in early 2011) and naturally she was as ecstatic as a 4’9″ guidette can be.

She immediately brought him to the smoosh/GTL impregnation room while he complained about wanting to “shower” in a high-pitched voice. Later, the whole group embarked on their usual quest to the Italian discotheque scene, wandering on cobblestones in high heels and gold and silver sneakers.

Snooki got all dressed up, in what Ronnie described as simply “a swimsuit…”

Continue reading “Why Is Snooki Still Dating That Jionni Guy?”