Cameron Diaz’s Mentor Wants Her to Stop Bathing in Benjamins

Cameron Hair spermEveryone needs someone in their corner. Rocky had Paulie, Lisbeth had Mikael, Shaggy had Scooby, and Cameron Diaz has Gwyneth Paltrow.

According to The Sun, Gwyneth Paltula has disposed of Madonna’s dry, tasteless 54-year-old blood, placing her feeding straw against Cameron’s vital 40-year-old veins.

A source says Paltrow, who has tons in common with Diaz because they’re both blonde actresses, has “sorted out” her new friend’s finances and is forcing her to swear off sex for an entire year because men are a distracting waste of her time.

Really I just think Gwyneth wants everyone to share her boring married sex life. Or, she’s hoping her hymen will grow back so she can sell her into slavery. One of the two.