John Travolta Doesn’t Bring His Hair to the Gym

John travolta baldCelebrities meet and snap photos with fans on a daily basis, so what’s unique about this encounter specifically? Well, two things… One, the fan in the photo confirmed that John Travolta works out at 3 a.m. and it warms my heart to know that he’s a night owl like myself and that successful people can stay up late and still get shit done, unless he fell asleep at like 7 p.m. and woke up super early, in which case he’s dead to me and I’m done saying all those masseuses were lying.

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Twisted Flashback: 5 Most Memorable Celebrity Moments of 2012

Biggest stories of 2012 I like to reminisce about all sorts of thing…. the time I ate a pizza that could easily have fed three John Goodmans, that other time I stepped in a red ant nest and vowed to never put on a dress again, and all the times celebrities wore dresses but forgot underwear.

(Anne Hathaway, thank you for showing me that vaginas can look just as anorexic as collar bones).

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Apocalypse 2012: John Travolta and Olivia Newton Murder Our Eyes and Ears

Travolta Gay ChristmasThere are so many things going on this video: the hairline, line dancing, the fact that it looked like it was filmed with a $659.99 Groupon.

Olivia Newton-John and the socially awkward alien from Battlefield Earth reminded everyone that it’s not 1978 anymore by recording a duet called “I Think You Might Like It”, which sounds like something you said in junior high to the girl who received your Valentine’s card fashioned out of her hair.

In the opening scene, John Travolta pilots his own jet into some hick town to meet Olivia. Ollie is in the ol’ Grease mobile with a bunch of fake presents that some poor studio intern probably had to wrap 4 minutes before shooting.  Continue reading “Apocalypse 2012: John Travolta and Olivia Newton Murder Our Eyes and Ears”

Jimmy Fallon and Mariah Carey Team Up To Save The Holidays With ‘All I Want For Christmas’

Mariah Carey Jimmy Fallon ChristmasJimmy Fallon, Mariah Carey and The Roots are The Avengers of December, teaming up to save Christmas from two Grease stars who almost square dance-stomped the shit out of our collective holiday spirit.

I’m talking about the genius of the classic “All I Want For Christmas” with a quirky Fallon twist versus the Grinchy sadness of John Travolta and Olivia Newton-John’s “I Think You Might Like It.” One makes me want to clap my joyous hands together, the other makes me want to clap them over my ears. Both feature John Travolta and Mariah Carey in their natural habitat.

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John Xenu Travolta Heals Broken Bones With Magic Scientology ‘Assist’

John Travolta angelJohn Travolta tells Celebrity Magazine that he helped a man in China who had broken his ankle in a car crash. Here’s where it gets interesting. Travolta performed an “assist” to speed up the healing process.

It involves Scientology, giving another man a rubdown AND it’s like that movie Michael. You know, the one where he’s an unconventional angel who brings dogs back to life?

“I was in Shanghai recently at a work event and the Master of Ceremonies’ best friend had recently gotten into a car wreck. He had broken his ankle and was in constant pain,” he revealed in an article brought to light by Celebuzz called “John Travolta: Stayin’ Very Alive.”  Continue reading “John Xenu Travolta Heals Broken Bones With Magic Scientology ‘Assist’”

Actress Claims She Had An Emotional Affair With Patrick Swayze

You’d probably have a hard time blindly guessing which leading lady had a non-sexual affair with Patrick Swayze, so I’ll just tell you that it’s Kirstie Alley and not Jennifer Grey or Demi Moore.

Even though Swayze is not alive to defend himself, we don’t have to assume that Alley is telling the truth. Quite the opposite in fact, this is the perfect time to say you had a strong mental connection with one of the most swoonworthy men in history.  Continue reading “Actress Claims She Had An Emotional Affair With Patrick Swayze”

Am I Naive To Still Think John Travolta Is Not Guilty?

Call me crazy, optimistic, and behind the times. But I’m still not sure if that whole John Travolta masseuse story is true. So when I say “not guilty” I don’t mean that being gay is something he should be ashamed of.

However, [allegedly] whipping out his two-faced twig and berries to multiple strangers and yelling about “homosexual Jewish men” would definitely be something to be ashamed of.

Last week in an interview with Spinning Platters Rashida Jones started talking about her love of Frank Ocean, who recently revealed his sexuality. Eventually the conversation led to her mentioning that John Travolta should also come out.

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John Travolta’s Real Life Client List Scandal (He’s Jennifer Love Hewitt)

John Travolta is being accused of sexually harassing a male masseuse in a Beverly Hills Hotel.

The unnamed masseur is suing the actor for $2 million dollars plus damages. Here’s how he claims it went down:

1. Travolta booked the session online and picked the guy up in his Lexus.

2. Once they got to the hotel, John took off all his clothes before the massage and about an hour into it, rubbed the guy’s leg and grabbed his penis.

3. He offered to do a “reverse massage” saying “Come on dude, I’ll jerk you off.”

4. Travolta masturbated in front of him and said that “Hollywood is controlled by homosexual Jewish men who expect favours in return for sexual activity.”  Continue reading “John Travolta’s Real Life Client List Scandal (He’s Jennifer Love Hewitt)”