Amber Heard Takes Money Out Of The Equation In Domestic Violence Case Against Johnny Depp

johnny depp amber heard white dress

As I’m sure you’ve all heard, Johnny Depp has been accused of physical and verbal abuse towards his soon-to-be ex wife. If you enter the virtual torture chambers known as online comment sections, you may have noticed that almost no one believes her.

The Depp fangirls and fanboys who don’t believe her have many defenses for the beloved star of nothing-memorable-in-the-past-decade.

Most of these people seem to believe the following:

  1. Soul-sucking she-beast Amber Heard is only making these claims because she was denied $50,000 a month in spousal support and thinks playing the victim will fill her pockets with pirate gold.
  2. Heard faked her injuries by a) hitting herself and/or having a friend hit her or b) drawing scratch marks and bruises on herself with lipstick and varying shades of blue eyeshadow.
  3. The way she’s approaching the situation and acting is somehow out-of-line/not “normal” for a victim of abuse. (She smiled in a photo on Instagram after filing for divorce and a restraining order.)
  4. Depp didn’t do it because his family, friends and ex-wife don’t believe he’s capable.

I have a question. If Meryl Streep told us that Don Gummer (her longtime spouse) was prone to fits of rage and had repeatedly terrorized her throughout their marriage, would you believe her? I think you would, but if Gummer accused Streep of the same you’d probably laugh. But why? Because you “like” her more? Because you’re familiar with her name and you’ve seen a bunch of her movies? None of us know what happened, and a lot of you are clearly letting your love for the man cloud your judgment.

Being skeptical is one thing, but it’s more dangerous to say she’s full of it than it is to believe her. Whether you’re wrong or right about his guilt, the public’s finger-pointing reaction to this story has undoubtedly made women more afraid to come forward. I’m not even sure that real victims will suffer if it turns out she’s not telling the truth because it’s become frighteningly obvious that no one believes them regardless.

As of today, Heard is officially not seeking a single dime from Depp.

“In light of the coordinated false and negative media campaign falsely depicting my attempts to attain a CLETS Domestic Violence Restraining Order as being financially motivated, I am hereby withdrawing the request,” Heard said in court documents released last week.

There goes your motive.

Of course there are still those who believe Heard is motivated by attention, because nothing boosts a career like a phone to the face. Just ask the guy that got hit by Russell Crowe. What was his name?

Johnny Depp’s Inspiration for Tonto Was an Old, Nicotine-Addicted Woman?

Johnny Depp tontoBasing a character off Keith Richards in Pirates may have worked wonders for Johnny Depp, but it seems that even using his great, potentially Native grandmother as the inspiration for The Lone Ranger couldn’t save it from an epic box office fail. (At $29.2M, it made slightly less than the abysmal John Carter.)

“I saw my great grandmother [as the model for Tonto]. She did apparently have quite a bit of Indian blood,” Depp told Wenn. “She wore the braids and had the tobacco down her bosom. That was the idea, to sculpt me into my great grandmother. The make-up technician just killed it.”

Derp. I have a little Swedish in me and I never auditioned against Noomi Rapace for the role of Lisbeth Salander not only because I’m not an actress but because that would be retarded…  Continue reading “Johnny Depp’s Inspiration for Tonto Was an Old, Nicotine-Addicted Woman?”

Johnny Depp as Jack Sparrow in a Movie That Isn’t ‘Pirates of the Caribbean?’

Johnny Depp Tonto Jack SparrowSo the producer, director, and writers behind Pirates of the Caribbean were slowly hired to work on a movie version of The Lone Ranger over the course of three years (2007-2010), and naturally their choice to play Native American spirit warrior Tonto was Johnny Depp.

While Depp does have Cherokee ancestry, this is really just an excuse for him to paint his face like he did for the cannibal scene in Pirates 2.

I saw a commercial for the film last night before This is 40, did a little research when I got home and found out that it’s actually 10 years in the making and was meant to be released this week, but was pushed to July because the budget was inching closer and closer to $300 million.  Continue reading “Johnny Depp as Jack Sparrow in a Movie That Isn’t ‘Pirates of the Caribbean?’”

Johnny Depp Reprises ‘Edward Scissorhands’ Role

Johnny Depp will step back into the iconic role of Edward Scissorhands, the 1990 cult favorite co-starring Winona Ryder (and the sixth movie of Depp’s career).

There’s just one catch, he’ll be playing Edward in cartoon form, for 20 seconds.

Seth MacFarlane has enlisted Depp to voice the character, who happens to be employed as a night nurse, on Family Guy. Joke:

“Okay now I’m an excellent night nurse so you two get some much deserved sleep and don’t worry about a thing, I will taking such loving care of this wonderful little gift, and when you wake well-rested up, your precious little baby will be smiling as bright as the sun… it’s dead.”

Continue reading “Johnny Depp Reprises ‘Edward Scissorhands’ Role”

Wench Ke$ha Performs Tom Petty Song With Pirate Johnny Depp

That apocalypse thing the Mayans predicted is a go. Unicorn vomit princess Ke$ha teamed up with Keith Richards’ adopted son Johnny Depp for at the first ever Los Angeles Petty Fest.

Depp humped the guitar while Ke$ha quietly approached the mic for a performance of Tom Petty’s “Mary Jane’s Last Dance.” They were joined by Black Keys’ beatkeeper Patrick Carney and a bunch of other people of no importance.

You may think this is an unlikely pairing, but these two have more in common than you think.

Continue reading “Wench Ke$ha Performs Tom Petty Song With Pirate Johnny Depp”

Mediocrity to the Rescue!

Apparently, we’ve reached the point where we heap praise on celebrities when they act like decent human beings. I guess we just don’t expect very much of them, nor should we.

Celebrities, by and large, and regardless of industry, are egocentric megalomaniacs. They’re shameless self-promoters. But they have to be.

It’s the very nature of the industry they’ve chosen to reward only the most outlandish, most newsworthy (whether good or bad) people. I guess that’s why it’s so shocking when we hear about celebrities doing genuine good. A story about Johnny Depp tipping $4000 on a $400 check is just as shocking to our sensibilities as Britney Spears stiffing her waitress on a $251 bill.

Continue reading “Mediocrity to the Rescue!”

Johnny Depp Is The Alpha Vampire

Johnny Depp has played a pirate, a talking lizard, a demon barber, Ichabod Crane, Ed Wood, Don Juan, Willy Wonka, The Mad Hatter, Edward Scissorhands.

Oh, and he made his debut in Nightmare On Elm Street.

Now he’s taking on a role more versatile than any, a vampire. Everyone in Hollywood from Brad Pitt and Tom Cruise to Gary Oldman, Kiefer Sutherland and Kate Beckinsale have filled those bloodsucking shoes.

The latest is Depp in the eerie 70’s comedy Dark Shadows. At the London premiere he took a shot at one of the most lusted after vamps of recent years, Robert Pattinson.

“There’s room for two vampires on this block – as long as he remembers I am the Alpha Vampire,” he told US Weekly reporters.  Continue reading “Johnny Depp Is The Alpha Vampire”

Taylor Momsen Onstage With Marilyn Manson (Johnny Depp Too)

For a second I bet you cocked your head to the side and widened your eyes a bit at that headline. This seems like a less likely threesome than Kevin Bacon, Neve Campbell and Denise Richards. But I KNOW, it was boring old Matt Dillon, so vanilla.

If you think about this pairing, it makes sense. Taylor and The Pretty Reckless are going on tour with Marilyn Manson, and Johnny Depp is a known part-time musician who contributed strings and drums to a cover of “You’re So Vain” off the new album, Born Villain, out in early May.

They performed separate duets with the shock-rocker, Momsen for “The Dope Show” and Depp on guitar for “Sweet Dreams” in L.A. for the 2012 Golden Gods awards.

Continue reading “Taylor Momsen Onstage With Marilyn Manson (Johnny Depp Too)”

Movie Trailer: Dark Shadows

Dark Shadows was a TV series that ran from 1966-1971. A vampire soap opera (starring Jonathan Frid) that wasn’t quite as popular as The Munsters and The Addams Family.

Now Tim Burton and Johnny Depp are looking to revitalize the story for current audiences. Depp, who called Frid’s performance  “classic” says:  Continue reading “Movie Trailer: Dark Shadows”