Michael Bay’s Ninja Turtles Look Like Steamrolled Caca

new ninja turtles michael bay Paramount got their leopard thongs all bunched up and sandy over a promotional photo of the turtles from the new Ninja Turtles movie produced by Michael Bay, directed by Jonathan Liebesman and starring Megan Fox, Whoopi Goldberg and Will Arnett.

As you can see, they’ve “urbanized” the turtles, giving them human lips on top of their beaks, ultra-textured head and shoulders, and extra flowy bandanas. Raphael even has a gold chain, my n-word with an “a” at the end.

Maybe the studio wouldn’t be so livid if the precious turtles didn’t look really f*cking weird? Like, the kind of weirdness that is just too weird to describe.

With any luck this is just a scrapped look at the four mutants and not one of the concepts that made it in front of an actual recording device of any kind.

Unfortunate that they turned into scowling, improperly colored rapists. I was really hoping they’d end up looking something like this. (And this.)

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Megan Fox Cast in Michael Bay-Produced ‘Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles’

Megan Fox AprilMichael Bay’s love for Megan Fox never dies.

Even after she said he had “no social skills at all,” called him a “tyrant” and compared him to both Hitler and Napoleon, he’s approved casting her in a new live action Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles movie helmed by Wrath of the Titans director Jonathan Liebesman.

Bay raised a fleshy flag for Megan back when she was dancing under a waterfall for 5 seconds in Bad Boys II.

When it was reported that she’d been fired from Transformers because of her dictator tirade in Wonderland magazine, he claimed that it was not even his decision.

Continue reading “Megan Fox Cast in Michael Bay-Produced ‘Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles’”