Why ‘The Goonies’ Sequel Will Confirm Your Status as a Senior Citizen and Kill Your Already Dead Childhood

Goonies castRichard Donner – director of the original beloved Goonies film about a group of typically mischievous children on an underground treasure hunt – told TMZ “We’re doin’ a sequel” just this morning.

As exciting as that may sound, think about what it really means. A bunch nods to the original (the truffle shuffle, “Goonies never say die!” shots of the famous “Goonies house” in Astoria, Oregon, the oldest, most haunted town west of the Rockies), and maybe some cameos that might keep a fraction of the diehard, easily-pleased fans satisfied, but do the rest of us not know better?

First of all, John Matuszak, the man who played sloth – a former defensive lineman for the Houston Oilers – died of an overdose four years after The Goonies (1985) debuted in theaters (and grossed a surprising $9 million at the box office, btw).  Continue reading “Why ‘The Goonies’ Sequel Will Confirm Your Status as a Senior Citizen and Kill Your Already Dead Childhood”

Trailer: Sin City: A Dame To Kill For

Nine years – at least six after we’d completely forgotten about the first Sin City movie and all the posters of Jessica Alba’s rodeo-themed striptease are undoubtedly lining a landfill or a hamster cage instead of the shelves at Spencer’s – and Dimension Films and Robert Rodriguez have finally given us a sequel.

A Dame To Kill For features new, prominent roles for Josh Brolin, Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Ray Liotta and Juno Temple plus familiar favorites like Mickey Rourke as himself deformed sweetheart Marv, Alba as Nancy, Rosario Dawson as Old Town badass Gail, Jaime King as Wendy and Bruce Willis as John Hartigan.

Trailer: Oldboy

I’m not sure what to think about Spike Lee directing a remake of the 2003 South Korean thriller Oldboy…

Originally directed by Cannes-favorite Chan-wook Park, Oldboy was/is a really disturbing and intriguing movie about a man who is finally released from imprisonment after 15 years (20 in the remake starring Josh Brolin). One of the “best” scenes involves the eating of a live octopus. Seriously.
Oldboy Josh Brolin still
I love Brolin and Samuel L. Jackson and Elizabeth Olsen, but holy crap Spike Lee’s hit-and-miss career makes me nervous for the outcome.  Continue reading “Trailer: Oldboy”

Megan Fox Lip-Locks, From Mickey Rourke To Amanda Seyfried

You’d think from looking over her career and premiere appearances that Megan Fox likes to kiss people… But from her quotes, stuff like:

“Oh my God! Screen kissing is fucking gross. It’s a super intimate thing to do. Touching mouths? I have to really enjoy someone’s personality, not just their looks, before I’ll kiss them.”

…It’s hard to tell. But if it’s so gross, maybe she should stop doing it all the damn time? I dunno, seems like relevant advice to me.

If you’re questioning Megan Fox’s rise to fame, don’t. She’s a comedic actress, whether she knows it or now. She just needs to stop with the craptacular career moves, like Jonah Hex, Transformers 2 and Passion Play.

The range of people she has kissed, onscreen or not, is almost as bizarre as any of her career decisions in general…

Continue reading “Megan Fox Lip-Locks, From Mickey Rourke To Amanda Seyfried”