Sofia Vergara, Emma Stone, Jeremy Piven Read Mean Tweets

Julia Roberts mean tweetIn Jimmy Kimmal’s latest edition of celebs reading outrageous tweets about themsevles, Courtney Cox gets called a “p*ssy hoe” while Kit Harrington is a “big bitch” and Julia Roberts simply has gaping lips that swallow 10,000-pound African land mammals whole.

Users also wonder why Sofia Vergara talks “like she has a d*ck in her mouth” and say they hope Jeremy Piven’s falls off in public, so I was thinking to save time his d*ck could fall off and land in Sofia Vergara’s mouth during the day on the Hollywood Walk of Fame while Emma Stone, who reeks of cat piss, videotapes it and Gary Oldman narrates.  Continue reading “Sofia Vergara, Emma Stone, Jeremy Piven Read Mean Tweets”

Oh I Get It, ‘Mirror, Mirror’ Is A Comedy

I’ve been wondering how the hell the studios could justify releasing TWO live action Snow White movies around the same time but now that I’ve seen the teaser trailer for Mirror, Mirror (they’re always a few steps behind Snow White And The Huntsman) I finally get it!

These movies are truly completely different. One is dark and serious and gritty and the other is… Campy, like Enchanted? Lately all the buzz has been about Kristen Stewart and Charlize Theron’s apple-eating dwarf frenzy.

We’re finally seeing glimpses of Mirror, Mirror aka that other remake of the first cartoon Disney feature film ever, starring Julia Roberts, Nathan Lane, Armie Hammer and Lily Collins as that naive little puffy-sleeved Aryan. As you can see from the trailer below, it’s a comedy.

Continue reading “Oh I Get It, ‘Mirror, Mirror’ Is A Comedy”

Worst Celebrity Bikini Bodies Of 2011 (Porpoise Sightings)

Julia Roberts, Ke$ha and Mel B

Ah celebrities and their love/hate relationship with the beach, bikinis, paparazzi and general body dysmorphia. Body issues that I am in no way helping by critiquing and berated on my filthy, degrading website. (Meh)

Most of these celebrities aren’t even overweight. In fact, many are disturbingly skinny and withered from years of starvation, mid-chest sun exposure, alcohol-slurping and botched cosmetic surgery…

Continue reading “Worst Celebrity Bikini Bodies Of 2011 (Porpoise Sightings)”

Keep Your Shirt On, Julia Roberts

Julia Roberts, 43, went for a beachside romp yesterday in Hawaii with Danny Moder (her husband) and their three children. I know she’s only relaxing and taking a day off, not at a photo shoot, but I gotta say, Julia, you look much much better with your shirt on.

Like  as in good! The shirt is good, I’d be like, “Julia Roberts is a cougar,” but then shirt off I’m like “Ohhh nooo, she’s as floppy as Larry Crowne was at the box office.”