Justin Timberlake Dances With Michael Jackson

There’s a new Michael Jackson video (yes, “new”) for reasons unknown besides that people just aren’t done beating his sequined corpse like a piñata until dollar bills fall out…

“Love Never Felt So Good” for Justin Timberlake, who snaps his fingers while younger folks dance up a storm in front of old footage of Michael.
 
The next song from Jackson’s posthumous album Xscape will feature Tupac and John Denver.

What’s the most interesting about Justin Timberlake these days anyway? That he shares a barber with Brad Pitt or that you could pour syrup in his brow crease without any falling out? 
Read: Michael Jackson Hologram Rocks Billboard Music Awards: Go Behind the Scenes

LISTEN: New Timberlake Single “TKO”

I was a little afraid to listen to Justin Timberlake’s new song mostly because the first part of The 20/20 Experience besides “Mirrors” and “Body Count” were pretty underwhelming, but it’s not bad at all.

(If you know me at all, you know that “not bad” is my Daria-esque way of saying that I love it and am currently dancing in circles to it until I projectile vomit on the three perplexed cats that are watching me waiting for me to die so they can eat me.)  Continue reading “LISTEN: New Timberlake Single “TKO””

Justin Timberlake Cut N*SYNC VMA Reunion Show, Wanted to Focus More on Himself

'N sync vmasHere’s a funny one – Justin Timberlake commissioned a reunion show with N*SYNC…and then cut half of it.

JT reportedly reached out to the former band members and convinced them to do a reunion show at the VMAs on Sunday, as he would be accepting the Michael Jackson Vanguard Award and had a 15-minute performance time to work with.

Rumors began swirling last week that the band had something in the works, putting dangerous amounts of stress on 20-something-year-old girls across the country.

But when the band did their thing, the performance was met with a ton of disappointment. Probably because the band only performed one song. The set was originally intended to feature a full medley of N*SYNC hits, but JT reportedly kept cutting it back more and more, reducing it to the 2-minute quickie we saw on Sunday.  Continue reading “Justin Timberlake Cut N*SYNC VMA Reunion Show, Wanted to Focus More on Himself”

Justin Timberlake’s “Tunnel Vision” Banned From YouTube for Boobies

Tunnel Vision still Justin Timberlake
The video for J-Timbo’s “Tunnel Vision” has been temporarily banned from YouTube because of all the topless women snake dancing through the frame as Justin sings about Jessica Biel’s cave of wonders.

Fortunately or unfortunately the video will likely be back on YouTube with an age-restricted required sign-in just like Robin Thicke’s “Blurred Lines” and David Bowie’s “The Next Day.”

I hate to bash America on the 4th of July, but this would never happen in Europe…  Continue reading “Justin Timberlake’s “Tunnel Vision” Banned From YouTube for Boobies”

Funny Video: Justin Timberlake Plays Drunk Mini-Golf on The Jonathan Ross Show

First it was Justin Timberweek, then Timbermonth, now 2013 is officially Justin Timberyear! Yesterday, the internet continued the prince of pop’s reign of musical anti-terrorism with a video of his visit to The Jonathan Ross Show from last month, before SNL and his album’s release.

Charm and hilarity (and one Michael Caine impression) ensued when Ross pulled out a couple of shot glasses and a bottle of Timberlake’s 901 tequila.  Continue reading “Funny Video: Justin Timberlake Plays Drunk Mini-Golf on The Jonathan Ross Show”

Video: Justin Timberlake – “Mirrors”

I must now confess my sins to the Timberlake Appreciation Society. It has been only 26 hours since I downloaded The 202/20 Experience, which came out on March 15. I believe I must be whipped and shackled for missing the release date.

Perhaps I could make it up by posting the video for Justin’s second single, “Mirrors,” a lovely, oddly sexy ode to his grandparents William and Sadie Bomar… Continue reading “Video: Justin Timberlake – “Mirrors””

Funny Video: History of Rap 4 w/ Fallon and Timberlake

Justin Timbermonth continues! Following his album detail announcements and fifth appearance on Saturday Night LiveTimberlake debuts “History of Rap” part four with Jimmy Fallon on Late Night.

The latest installment features snippets from Run DMC, Cypress Hill, 2 Live Crew, Notorious B.I.G., Missy Elliott, Beastie Boys, Eminem, and Macklemore & Ryan lewis.

Continue reading “Funny Video: History of Rap 4 w/ Fallon and Timberlake”

Samberg, Timberlake, Aykroyd and Martin Blow Their Loads on ‘SNL’

It's a date snlAndy Samberg was greeted with hoots and hollers from the audience when he returned to the Saturday Night Live stage for a dating show skit with host, musical guest, and fictional husband Justin Timberlake.

“It’s a Date,” the follow-up to “Dick in a Box,” “Motherlover,” and “3-Way (The Golden Rule),” paired the sleazy R&B crooners with iconic foreign “wild and crazy guys” Steve Martin and Dan Aykroyd. The duos competed for the affection of a woman who ends up blowing off the one normal contestant (Bobby Moynihan) for a tryst with all four socially inept horndogs.  Continue reading “Samberg, Timberlake, Aykroyd and Martin Blow Their Loads on ‘SNL’”

Kanye West Poses Semi-Nude With Kim, Disses The President

Kim and Kanye naked Business duo Kardashian and West are leaving new mementos (Kim-friendly translation: Mentos) for their future daughter to turn red over.

Interesting that Jañye would agree to a naked embrace reminiscent of a bargain bin romance novel for the French magazine L’Officiel Hommes after supposedly having too much artistic integrity to appear on Keeping Up With The Kardashians.

At a concert in the UK over the weekend, Kanye crapped all over Obama (“I don’t give a f*ck what the president’s got to say”), the Grammys (“The Grammys can suck my d*ck”) and Justin Timberlake (“I ain’t f*ckin’ with that ‘Suit & Tie”).

…Again, a few to many insults from the guy who’s signed on for the long haul with the most shameless woman in Hollywood.

Justin Timberlake Hides Eyes, Sings About Bubblegum on ‘The 20/20 Experience’

The 20:20 experience coverOn the album cover for The 20/20 Experience, future-obsessed Justin Timberlake peers through one of those freaky optometrist torture devices.

Like Jessica Biel, it’s shiny, stiff and has a lot of knobs on it, which makes it just random enough to seem relevant even though it’s roughly 92 years old.

Question: If unfamous, untalented Justin Timerberlake was walking down the street, would you still glance his way?

If the answer is “yes,” I figure it’s because of those mesmerizing blue eyes, which are purposefully hidden on this cover. That’s just bad marketing. Play to the audience any less and it’s Joey Fatone.

Continue reading “Justin Timberlake Hides Eyes, Sings About Bubblegum on ‘The 20/20 Experience’”

Justin Timberlake’s New Song ‘Suit & Tie’ is Rubbish

Justin Timberlake middle fingerI’ve loved Justin Timberlake ever since I found out there was an alternative to the Backstreet Boys. I put up with his cornrows, cross tattoo, and matching denim cowboy hat and jacket because I knew he would always bring me joy with his luscious musical talents and kind blue eyes, but now I see that his recent marriage to Jessica Biel has rusted his gift, and something must be done!

Though I’m positive that the new song, “Suit & Tie” featuring Jay-Z, is a rushed, throwaway b-side track to appease the fans and by no means a gauge of what the album he’s working on (The 20/20 Experiencewill be like, I also know as a longtime Timberlake fan that it’s the fault of his current girlfriend, or in this case, wife.

Continue reading “Justin Timberlake’s New Song ‘Suit & Tie’ is Rubbish”

Stories I’m Too Lazy To Write About [1-10-13]

Justin Timberlake I'm ready videoJustin Timberlake ready to release new music in just three days?? (Los Angeles Times)

The great Elizabeth Taylor diamond heist of 2012, featuring Lindsay Lohan. (Perez)

Katy Perry, Hunger Games and Emma Watson sweep People’s Choice Awards. (Fox)

Ok, maybe Canadians need to be less nice when it comes to things like…rape. (Jezebel)

Mila Kunis wears sweatpants, gets called “schlubbiest,” hairiest beast alive. (Evil Beet)

Former boss of Teen Mom Jenelle Evans posts nude pic, uses the word “daddy.” (Radar)

Hasbro letting fans vote off one of their iconic Monopoly pieces in exchange for… (Kotaku)

Get Your Handkerchiefs (and Guns), Jessica Biel Will Officially Become ‘Jessica Timberlake’

Remember when Adam Sandler and Kevin James wore matching “Mrs. Pitt” and “Mrs. Timberlake” shirts in I Now Pronounce You Chuck and Larry?

Even with the popularity of those tees behind us, the reality of the situation is…

There really is a Mrs. Justin Timberlake, and it’s not you, or Cameron Diaz, or Britney Spears!

“Yes, I’m changing my name,” Jessica Biel told People. “My professional name will still be the same, but for life, yes, I think it sounds great. I think I really won the jackpot of names.”

Girl, you won the jackpot of dudes. The Timberlake Appreciation Society (founded by our friends over at Grouchy Muffin), will have lots to say about this.

But at least we won’t have to deal with seeing “Jessica Timberlake” scroll across the screen at her next below-average movie (Stealth?? WTF).

Continue reading “Get Your Handkerchiefs (and Guns), Jessica Biel Will Officially Become ‘Jessica Timberlake’”

As You Can See, Jessica Biel And Justin Timberlake Are Ecstatic About Marriage

Justin Timberlake and Jessica Biel were spotted at an Italian airport following their diarrhea goat cheese wedding in Fasano, and it looks like the magic is already gone.

They either saw a ghost, still aren’t used to being photographed or have turned into official married drones. It’s evident in their blank Children of the Corn stares.

Still, we can also never rule out the possibility that they were converted by Scientologists at the arrival gate OR that they were getting into character for a nightly viewing of The Walking Dead. 

Folks take zombie Sunday pretty seriously.

“It’s great to be married, the ceremony was beautiful and it was so special to be surrounded by our family and friends,” J and J said in a statement released Friday.  Continue reading “As You Can See, Jessica Biel And Justin Timberlake Are Ecstatic About Marriage”

Justin Timberlake Thinks Jessica Biel Is ‘Really Special’ And ‘Really Hot’

Justin Timberlake may not be the most descriptive guy on the planet. This became especially apparent when he told the story of wooing Jessica Biel to a room full of reporters. It also became apparent that he is more whipped than Katy Perry’s bra attachments in “California Gurls.”

Timberpuss calls himself chivalrous for asking her out on the telephone instead of the internet then adds that she’s “a really, really, really special person” who is also “really, really, hot.”

“We have a couple of rules in our relationship,” he said at the Hollywood Foreign Press conference. “The first rule is that I make her feel like she’s getting everything. The second rule is that I actually do let her have her way in everything. And, so far, it’s working.”

There’s Jessica’s face (from Hitchcock), upon hearing that Justin thinks she’s so special and hot.

Continue reading “Justin Timberlake Thinks Jessica Biel Is ‘Really Special’ And ‘Really Hot’”

Stories I’m Too Lazy To Write About [9-24-12]

Justin Timberlake showed his butt at his bachelor party in Cabo. (TMZ)

Turkish diver “saves” blow-up doll from a watery death. (Reuters)

Michael Jackson totally wrote a song about “abortion papers.” (ohmyGAHH!)

All the 2012 Emmys dresses you needed to laugh at and/or envy. (Jezebel)

Amanda Knox still Skypes with her ex-boyfriend, Raffaele Sollecito. (Yahoo!)

News lady Katie Couric struggled with bulimia. (ABC)

Kerri Walsh Jennings was five weeks pregnant during the 2012 Olympics. (Inquistr)

Quarterback Eli Manning likes a band called Technopop Slashfest. (Deadspin)

Justin Bieber Cuts Radio Interview Short

Justin Bieber took offense when “Mojo” from the radio program Mojo In The Morning compared him to Justin Timberlake and joked about his mom and Harry Styles of One Direction. Here’s the Timberlake part:

DJ: “I hope you take this as a compliment because I really mean it as that, but when I first got played your song by some of your record people who said ‘Hey I want you to hear something,’ and this was months and months before it came out, they said ‘Take a listen to this and tell me if you can tell me who this is.’ I thought it was Justin Timberlake.”

Bieber: “Where, what one?”

DJ:When I heard ‘Boyfriend’ for the very first time, you know, like I said that it as a compliment ’cause I think Justin Timberlake is the man. But I thought it was Justin Timberlake’s single and then when they told me it was you and I was so excited for ya.”

Bieber: “Man, that’s crazy, because our voices sound nothing alike.”  Continue reading “Justin Bieber Cuts Radio Interview Short”