JWoww At Four Months Pregnant Looks Like JWoww At No Months Pregnant

jwoww four months pregnantJersey Shore‘s “smartest” survivor Jenni “JWoww” Farley, who predictably found out she was pregnant while she was at a tanning convention, somehow looks fit as a mofo at four months.

After taking several tests and repeatedly seeing only a blurry line, JWoww landed in Nashville and had her manager get her a “stupid proof” test that spelled out the word pregnant. From jennifarley.com:

I cried and Roger looked like he was going to pass out! Hahaha. That day in Nashville I was on cloud nine.

And keep in mind that the baby will look like her BEFORE the plastic surgery. And by “like her before the plastic surgery” I mean “better.” (Snooki’s godchild also has a 90% chance of having a crazy name.)

JWoww’s Going to Look Like Big Ang From ‘Mob Wives’ When She’s Older…

Big Ang bikiniBig-breasted frog Big Ang of VH1’s sometimes-hilarious Mob Wives (also starring Snooki’s favorite throaty bad girl, Drita d’Avanzo) took a bikini beach romp in Fort Lauderdale, Florida earlier this week, reminding us all that she is JWoww 25 years and several tummy tucks later.

We all saw Jenni Farley’s plastic transformation from regular girl-with-boob-job to “Wow, something is wrong with your face but I can’t quite put my finger on it” between season one and six of Jersey Shore, but at least her stomach is intact, for now.

Big Ang (born Angela Raiola in 1960) has the type of belly button that can only be achieved after an abdominoplasty or two…

I call it the Eye of Sauron. Or sometimes, Voldemort’s nostrils. (See Octomom.Continue reading “JWoww’s Going to Look Like Big Ang From ‘Mob Wives’ When She’s Older…”

JWoww Proves Once and For All That Duct Tape is America’s Favorite Fix-All

Jwoww tape Whoever runs the show over at NOH8 deserves a medal. In a new campaign, they’ve managed to tape down the three most inflated things (discounting egos) on the shores of Jersey… Jenni “JWoww” Farley‘s lips and tits.

I’m sure the public can’t wait for equality awareness pioneers NOH8 to mute castmates Snooki, Pauly D and The Situation.

She looks like a woman who escaped her rapist and accidentally wandered into a protest. And YOU KNOW the poor sap who was applying the tape made her stay a little longer than she was supposed to. Mumbling about how he missed a spot. (And he did! Look at the left one.)

‘Jersey Shore’ Series Finale Means More Spinoffs For Snooki, JWoww, Vinny and Pauly

Snooki and Jwoww season 2The 71st and final episode of Jersey Shore aired on Thursday, Dec. 20 and means the beginning of the end of eight careers, a process that is set in motion by MTV spinoff shows for the more marketable cast members.

A trailer for Control The Crazy author and Jersey Shore Shark Attack star Vinny Guadagnino’s “hybrid talk/reality series” called The Show With Vinny aired during the reunion.

The sneak peek revealed that celebrities (like Lil’ Wayne) will be embarrassed by his uncle Nino joining him and his crazy family for dinner in Staten Island.  Continue reading “‘Jersey Shore’ Series Finale Means More Spinoffs For Snooki, JWoww, Vinny and Pauly”

The Shore House Is ‘Still Standing’ After Hurricane Sandy

I’ve heard of homes flooded with four feet of water, childhood items ruined in basements, seen photos of a river rushing down Wall Street, abandoned Subway stations and submerged Yellow Cabs.

Hurricane Sandy-related property damages are estimated at around $20 billion but I’m still somehow not surprised that the place Snooki, JWoww, Pauly D, The Situation and the gang called home is intact.

Continue reading “The Shore House Is ‘Still Standing’ After Hurricane Sandy”

JWoww Wants Ulysses S. Grant (P.I.L.F.)

Jenni “Jwoww” Farley isn’t any different from her Jersey Shore castmates – she loves attention. And she succeeded with the “P.I.L.F.” list she posted to her website in honor of the few leaders of our country that are supposedly not blindingly old and homely.

Here’s the list plus reasons for her decisions:

1. Ulysses S. Grant. I heard he was an alchoholic. Sounds like he liked to party! He kinda looks like that actor Kevin Kline, right? LOL.  Continue reading “JWoww Wants Ulysses S. Grant (P.I.L.F.)”

JWoww Is A Silicon Terrorist

The smartest female cast member on Jersey Shore has been targeted by airport security in North Dakota! That’s what she claims anyway. Jenni “JWoww” Farley was in Fargo for a club appearance (18+ Dance Night & Foam Party at The Hub) but was treated like some sort of terrorist at Hector International Airport.

Apparently, she was minding her own business, drinking coffee, hardly being able to stand due to overweight floatation devices and TSA (Transport Security Administration) pointed at her, then searched her excessively not long after.

She says, via Twitter“Has anyone got “randomly selected” while walking on the plane and asked to “come with them” to be additionally searched? I wasn’t randomly selected cuz I saw the tsa there pointing at me while I was getting a coffee 15 min prior.”

Continue reading “JWoww Is A Silicon Terrorist”

Did Jwoww Get Botox Or What?

I keep watching season four of Jersey Shore and fearing the moments when I have to look at Jwoww’s stretched, unmoving face.

I went on Google image search on a desperate quest to find comparison photos and then sadly realized that she doesn’t actually look as different as I thought.

Can some expert surgeon examine Jwoww and tell me if she had work done? The gossiping, pop-culture-devouring monster inside of me really needs to know…

Continue reading “Did Jwoww Get Botox Or What?”

Jersey Shore Season 4 Premiere, Recap! (Snooki’s Workout + Jwoww’s Botox)

That’s right, tonight was a very special night. Another important moment in nothingness. Season four of Jersey Shore has finally arrived. The show premiered in Italy with many questions to be answered. Well, honestly, I had no questions. I knew that 1. there will be a car accident. 2. The cast is just as stupid in Italy as in America. And 3. everyone is going to “smush.”

The show starts out in the unfiltered smog of America’s poorly-aged butthole err garden state, NJ. Nothing interesting happens until the boys and girls, Mike “The Situation,” Jenni “Jwoww” Farley, Vinny, Pauly D, Nicole “Snooki” Polizzi, Ronnie and Sammi “Sweetheart” arrive in their new foreign home. Like everything else on the show, the new house looks like an imitation. A cheesy high-school project idea of what Italy would be. Marble, statues and pillars with red and yellow paint tossed in for good measure.

Continue reading “Jersey Shore Season 4 Premiere, Recap! (Snooki’s Workout + Jwoww’s Botox)”