Khloe Kardashian Drops ‘Odom’ From her Name, Keeps Ring On

Khloe Kardashian casualIn oddly sad celebrity news (if you’re capable of feeling sorry for people whose combined family income could get the country out of debt), Khloe Kardashian can’t go outside without someone whispering about her husband’s homelessness, affairs and the NBA career he could have had if he wasn’t addicted to crack.

This is however, a world where relationships begin and end on Twitter, as we saw with Miley and Liam and now Khloe, whose followers just witnessed the dropping of “Odom” in her handle.

While her sister Kim is busy being blonde in Paris with her baby daddy, infertile Khloe is pretending to enjoy the repetition of treadmills and salad (she was recently spotted at the gym and out at lunch with her mom) without Lamar, still sporting her wedding ring and LO hand tat.  Continue reading “Khloe Kardashian Drops ‘Odom’ From her Name, Keeps Ring On”

Kim Kardashian is Pregnant, I REPEAT, Kim Kardashian is PREGNANT!

Kim and Kanye happyTwo and a half months ago, give or take a few days, Zeus tossed a lightning bolt to earth straight through Kanye West and into Kim Kardashian‘s uterus. Yeah, I learned about pregnancy by reading D’Aulaires’ Book of Greek Myths, but that’s not the point.

Stay focused and say it with me: KIM KARDASHIAN IS PREGNANT. (Listen closely and you can hear the sound of infertile Khloe’s teeth grinding themselves into oblivion.)

The most famous, self-absorbed woman with no particular talent and the most self-absorbed rapper (together since April) are having a baby and I think the due date is sometime in mid August, or possibly July? It’s been established that I’m not good with this counting, brain-using stuff.  Continue reading “Kim Kardashian is Pregnant, I REPEAT, Kim Kardashian is PREGNANT!”

Happy Holidays From The Kardashian-Jenner-Odom-Disick Family!

Kardashian Christmas card 2012 The 2012 Kardashian Christmas card is surprisingly white and reminiscent of a New Year’s mixer sponsored by Harry Winston. Notice the stand-outs…

Grandma Samantha Jones enjoying champagne with barren childless Khloe, Kendall Jenner showcasing the gams, and DJ of the event, Rob “Rawdog” Kardashian.  Continue reading “Happy Holidays From The Kardashian-Jenner-Odom-Disick Family!”

Kourtney Kardashian’s Baby Sleeps Too Much

Of course Kourtney Kardashian had to wait to decide which magazine to sell her baby to before letting the public see it. I mean, uh, to sell pictures of her baby. There are only really only two options, but it must have been a hard decision between Us Weekly‘s $1 million and People’s $999,999 thousand.

Anyway, baby Penelope Scotland Disick was born on July 8th. Exactly a month later, Wednesday August 8, marks the even more important day that she was seen by the world. Somebody tell her.

Looks like she’s fallen asleep during her big moment. If I didn’t know any better I’d have thought that Mason was the new baby.

I mean, I already felt bad for Kourtney because she’s married to a malnourished chipmunk in a suit. Now that I know that he refuses to change diapers after his wife gave birth to a 30 pound child, I feel even worse.

Kardashians Cover Biggie’s ‘Hypnotize’

One of the most shocking moments in my young life came in the form of a harmless walk in the woods behind my house. I had taken to lifting rocks in the hopes of examining interesting bugs, usually ants or the occasional red centipede.

On this comfortably cool summer day on the Oregon Coast I lifted a particularly large rock and discovered a nest of baby snakes. They startled me mostly because there were so many and they moved so quick and pointlessly.

When I see the Kardashian-Jenner family I am reminded of that day. This is a group of creatures that never stop working, but for what cause I do not know.  Continue reading “Kardashians Cover Biggie’s ‘Hypnotize’”

The End Of Khloe And Lamar…On TV, For A Second

Khloe & Lamar has not been cancelled, as we all initially thought. The show is simply on a hiatus.

Really? For a second I was weeping over the end of an era.

No more Lamar being grumpy over his recently soured NBA career, no more Khloe screaming “I love you doll” and inappropriately slapping her five sisters and mom on the behind?

Malika and Rob will just be funneled back onto Keeping Up With The Kardashians. Obviously, I watch the four K-Dash shows way too much. But it isn’t the end, of any of them.

“Our show is not canceled,” Khloe told ET. “Lamar and I have just chosen to take a break this summer. I feel like we’ve been on a whirlwind and doing back-to-back shows.”  Continue reading “The End Of Khloe And Lamar…On TV, For A Second”

Kim Kardashian’s Not-So-Secret Kanye Clue

Kim Kardashian was spotted at LAX with earrings that clearly display the letters “KW,” her boyfriend Kanye West’s initials. Well, at least his name isn’t Kanye Yeast, I don’t think “KY” would have made it so easily into her lobes. Or would it…

Both parties have been fairly hush hush about the relationship. Kanye denied calling her his “Beyonce” saying that he would never compare anyone to his friend’s wife but never claimed they weren’t together.

His song recent “Theraflu” with its “I fell in love with Kim around the same time she fell in love with him” line and these earrings seem to be the most confirmation we’re going to have. For the moment.

In Five Years, Kim Kardashian Could Be Mayor

Kim Kardashian really is considering running for mayor of Glendale, California in 2017. This is not a fake story, I didn’t get this from The Onion though I know some of you might see E! News in a less credible light.

In a clip for her sister’s show Khloe & Lamar, Kim can be heard saying “I’ve decided I’m going to run for the mayor of Glendale…you have to have full residency…It’s going to be in, like, five years.”

Kim, who has so far not fulfilled her destiny of birthing at least five children does not have a home in the area though she does plan on buying one soon. Perhaps her destiny is to be mayor for a year THEN log-ride baby shooting time. With Kris as midwife.

No hospital, just a swimming pool somewhere in Calabasas full of placenta and feces.

Continue reading “In Five Years, Kim Kardashian Could Be Mayor”

A Bunch Of Kim Kardashian Wedding Pics (Sigh)

Bajillions of pictures from Kim Kardashian’s wedding in Montecito, California, to Kris Humphries were released virally yesterday.

They’re all photos from the wedding and following party, featuring their huge Armenian booty family.

Plus notable guests like Vera Wang, Lindsay Lohan, Ali Lohan, Ryan Seacrest, Eva Longoria, Avril Lavigne, and Mario Lopez were there.

What can I say about these two that I haven’t already? Just looking at them freezes my brain…

Continue reading “A Bunch Of Kim Kardashian Wedding Pics (Sigh)”

Kim Kardashian Music Video Leaked?


Awhile ago Kim Kardashian tried to have a “singing” career, so she made this amazing song “Jam (Turn It Up)”

Months later, as in today, a snippet of a never-before-seen music video for the song  has leaked onto the interweb. I have the video AND a still from the it, the only one that matters.

Click “continue reading” to watch the music video clip…

Continue reading “Kim Kardashian Music Video Leaked?”