Kate Upton Sort of Maybe Might Think About Going to Prom With a Teenager

Jake Davidson kate upton Boob enthusiast, high school senior, Californian and sweet Jewish kid Jake Davidson got a response from boob-having Sports Illustrated cover model Kate Upton on the Today Show after propositioning her in a popular YouTube video called “Kate Upton, Will You Go To Prom With Me?”

Upton told him “If everything works out, I’d love to go with you” over the phone, and wrote “You can call me Katie if you want! How could I turn down that video! I’ll check my schedule” on Twitter.

I know I’m not the only one reading between the lines.

“If everything works out” = “God that’s cute but I really don’t want to actually go to a dance with a horny, attention-seeking teenage boy.”  Continue reading “Kate Upton Sort of Maybe Might Think About Going to Prom With a Teenager”

Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue Winter 2013 [Photos]

Kate Upton has been busy standing still for Vogue Italia, defending her body, being the face of Accessorize jewelry and filming non-kissy Super Bowl commercials, but was completely happy to return to her Sports Illustrated roots for a second swimsuit issue cover.

Okay, maybe not as happy as last year, considering they sent her to Antarctica instead of sunny Australia.

In a Today Show interview, 20-year-old Upton said the location in general was beautiful but the shoot “wasn’t great” because she’s from Florida and had probably only previously seen ice and snow in Scholastic pop-up books. “When I came back I was losing hearing and eyesight because my body was shutting down, it was working so hard to keep warm. I was thinking warm thoughts,” she told Matt Lauer on Feb 12.  Continue reading “Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue Winter 2013 [Photos]”

Supermodels In Super Bowl Commercials? Who’d Have Thunk It

Kate upton super bowl adDon’t you just love the internet? You can read about and make fun of things, get made fun of, cry, watch a webcam of a lady sitting on a cake, oh, and you can also watch Super Bowl ads that haven’t aired yet, so you’ll laugh less when you actually see them on television. Two that are making the rounds today are for GoDaddy and Mercedes-Benz.

“Soul” has “plus-size” model Kate Upton and Usher appearing in a man’s fantasy about owning a Mercedes. With the help of some sharp sharp fingernails, William Dafoe plays the devil.

In “Perfect Match” we cannot unsee Leonardo DiCaprio’s ex-girlfriend Bar Refaeli kissing a pudgy, red-faced nerd played by “World’s Greatest Extra” Jesse Heiman. Continue reading “Supermodels In Super Bowl Commercials? Who’d Have Thunk It”

Kate Upton Transitions From Jerk Off Titty Girl to “High Fashion” Titty Girl in Vogue

When Kate Upton appeared on the low camel-toe edition of Sports Illustrated this year, Victoria Secret Stylist Sophia Neophitou told the New York Times, ” We would never use her… She’s like a footballer’s wife, with the too-blond hair and that kind of face that anyone with enough money can go out and buy.”

Ouch, well Ms. Neophitou can kiss Kate’s big generic ass now that the model is high fashion’s new “it” girl. Ugh I feel like I’m on the set of Gossip Girl all of a sudden.

Former Paris Vogue Editor Carine Roitfeld dubbed her “The New Girl”, which sounds way better than “beat off material for teenage boys who steal their mom’s annual Victoria Secret Catalogue.” Nobody jerks off to Vogue. Nobody but Anna.  Continue reading “Kate Upton Transitions From Jerk Off Titty Girl to “High Fashion” Titty Girl in Vogue”

Terry Richardson Makes Oprah Look Crisp for Harper’s Bazaar

Titty-loving photographer Terry Richardson gives Oprah the signature high-contrast treatment for Harper’s Bazaar. Unlike his angles of Kate Upton, Richardson makes Oprah look like a strong, powerful cup of joe with bright tailored suits and plenty of eye contact.

Oprah even gave the signature Terry “thumbs up” which … sends the wrong message. For those of you who don’t know, Terry Richardson is not only a great photographer but a total molester creep. The thumbs up says the most influential woman in the world endorses Terry Richardson, the world’s most notorious hipster pervert. But in O’s defence she probably has no idea since C grade tabloid fodder isn’t allowed 40 feet from her retina.

Continue reading “Terry Richardson Makes Oprah Look Crisp for Harper’s Bazaar”

Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue Winter 2012 [Photos]

Are you a horny man and/or jealous woman? Look no further, I have just the thing for you. A gallery of photos from the gigantic bible of airbrushed swimsuit models, Sports Illustrated’s annual Swimsuit issue is out in all its shiny, international glory.

2012’s magazine features girls named Kirby, Bar and “Cintia Dicker” who are simultaneously getting revenge on all the grade/high school kids who made fun of their lanky bodies and strange names.

These girls visited Australia, Panama, Seychelles (in the Indian Ocean) the Gulf Coast of the United States and Zambia in Southern Africa.

So, if you notice a bunch of lions, elephants, giraffes and zebras chilling in the background, that’s why.  Continue reading “Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue Winter 2012 [Photos]”