Khloe Kardashian: “Leave My Sister’s Nipples Alone!”

Kendall jenner safe for workIf you haven’t already heard, Kendall Jenner’s nipples caused a huge scene at a Marc Jacobs fashion show in New York because 1. She’s KARDASHIAN famous. 2. She just turned 18, and people are freaks. 3. Men and women alike still go apeshit over the human body because we’re all surrounded by jiggling asses and duct tape nipples and are still made to feel ashamed of our boners.

Big sister’s Khloe and Kim tweeted in defense of Kendall’s mammary glands, not only to the haterade-drinking KKK haters, but to Instagram for removing photos they’d posted of said glands walking the runway.  Continue reading “Khloe Kardashian: “Leave My Sister’s Nipples Alone!””

Khloe Kardashian Finally Filed For Divorce

We all predicted a Khloe Kardashian and Lamar Odom divorce as soon as we all heard they got married after only dating for one month, but we were wrong. The marriage lasted a good four years and didn’t end because they merely got sick of each other like so many other boring celebrity romances.

This one is officially ending after Lamar fell back into the arms of his old love, crack cocaine. Not to mention him driving down the wrong side of the road drunk and recording shirtless rap songs about cheating on Khloe. And of course, these are all things that were made painfully public, giving Khloe a handful of legitimate reasons to GTFO.

His eyes have been more glazed than Krispy Kreme since the loss of his NBA career (specifically with the Lakers) and I’m sure his dark past (drug-addicted father, mother died when he was 12) didn’t help.

Continue reading “Khloe Kardashian Finally Filed For Divorce”

Khloe Kardashian Drops ‘Odom’ From her Name, Keeps Ring On

Khloe Kardashian casualIn oddly sad celebrity news (if you’re capable of feeling sorry for people whose combined family income could get the country out of debt), Khloe Kardashian can’t go outside without someone whispering about her husband’s homelessness, affairs and the NBA career he could have had if he wasn’t addicted to crack.

This is however, a world where relationships begin and end on Twitter, as we saw with Miley and Liam and now Khloe, whose followers just witnessed the dropping of “Odom” in her handle.

While her sister Kim is busy being blonde in Paris with her baby daddy, infertile Khloe is pretending to enjoy the repetition of treadmills and salad (she was recently spotted at the gym and out at lunch with her mom) without Lamar, still sporting her wedding ring and LO hand tat.  Continue reading “Khloe Kardashian Drops ‘Odom’ From her Name, Keeps Ring On”

Lamar Odom Followed His Basketball Career, is Missing

Lamar Odom blue suit mtvAfter years of tabloids throwing random darts at the board, they finally landed one on Khloe Kardashian and Lamar Odom. Instead of an affair, it’s a drug problem.

It’s being reported that the former Lakers forward has been missing for the past two days and is on a suspected crack binge after the Kardashians attempted an intervention. God I hope Kanye wasn’t there. “Hey dog, I’m sorry you like drugs, but my new song “Bound 2″ is one of the best singles of all time! Download it if your hands aren’t shaking too bad, k?”

In 2011, Lamar spoke of the heroin addiction that plagued his father, Joe.

“I witnessed things that a 10-year-old definitely wasn’t supposed to see,” Odom said during an episode of Khloe and Lamar. “It’s hard for me to speak up on it and get it through to Khloe because she grew up so different.”

His mom died when he was 12, leaving him with the unstable father figure, so it’s pretty fucking impressive to me that he became a massive basketball star but sadly not terribly surprising that he turned to drugs.

Here’s a video of him and his teammates discussing his other addiction, to sugar. As in, somebody slap those rocks out of his hand and replace them with some Pop Rocks already.  Continue reading “Lamar Odom Followed His Basketball Career, is Missing”

Khloe Kardashian Isn’t Schtooping The Game Behind Lamar’s Back

Khloe Kardashian and the gameDr. Dre protégé The Game debunked rumors that he is a “major threat” to Khloe Kardashian’s marriage because she jumped on his back once at a park.

Earlier in the week, Star Magazine and Life & Style reported that Khloe  spends night and day talking about, texting and thinking about The Game. Even when she’s in bed with her husband, she’s masturbating with a Nike shoe, dreaming about his face tattoos.

“Khloe is my friend. She is like a sister. We have never and will never be sleeping together. Lamar is my homie and her husband and I wish people wouldn’t spread such false rumors,” he told TMZ.  Continue reading “Khloe Kardashian Isn’t Schtooping The Game Behind Lamar’s Back”

Kim Kardashian Calls Herself A Nosy, Drama-Causing Biotch on ‘Kourtney & Kim Take Miami’

kim-kardashian-white-pantsuitPregnancy has made Kim Kardashian soft in more ways than one.

Kim tells Us Weekly that she realized she was causing all kinds of problems for everyone on the fifth Kardashian reality show (after Keeping Up With The KardashiansKourtney and Khloé Take Miami, Kourtney and Kim Take New York, and Khloe & Lamar).

“This season I really took a look back and I realized how much in everyone’s business I really was, and how nosy I was – to the point that I was causing people to get into…physical fights, crying, leaving, storming out,” she says.  Continue reading “Kim Kardashian Calls Herself A Nosy, Drama-Causing Biotch on ‘Kourtney & Kim Take Miami’”

Kris Jenner Shows Off Her Wonder Girls On Twitter

The Kardashians and Jenners are highly skilled at making their Keeping Up With The Kardashians audience look at things they never thought they’d want to look at, from increasingly boring daily tasks to disturbing medical procedures…

Kris Jenner‘s accidental Wonder Woman Halloween nip slip on Twitter hardly seems out-of-place.

Khloe Kardashian promptly noticed that the brown inflater hole in the basketball was showing and wrote  “Hi nips. That’s my mom.” Jenner, who removed the pic, took to her personal corner of the internet (courteously provided to the her and all of the Klan by Celebuzz.com) to tell the world to loosen their chastity belts.  Continue reading “Kris Jenner Shows Off Her Wonder Girls On Twitter”

The Most Inappropriate Kardashian TV Moment Ever?

“Inappropriate” and “Kardashian” in one sentence feels like a very redundant oxymoron. Anyone who watches the show knows this is one weird family, and I’m not talking about brains or selfishness.

The sisters (and Rob) are constantly de-pantsing and groping each other while talking in detail about sex and every other thing I would never consider discussing with my family.

On the finale of Khloe & Lamar, Khloe considers getting a DNA test to find out is she is in fact Robert Kardashian’s biological daughter.  Continue reading “The Most Inappropriate Kardashian TV Moment Ever?”

The End Of Khloe And Lamar…On TV, For A Second

Khloe & Lamar has not been cancelled, as we all initially thought. The show is simply on a hiatus.

Really? For a second I was weeping over the end of an era.

No more Lamar being grumpy over his recently soured NBA career, no more Khloe screaming “I love you doll” and inappropriately slapping her five sisters and mom on the behind?

Malika and Rob will just be funneled back onto Keeping Up With The Kardashians. Obviously, I watch the four K-Dash shows way too much. But it isn’t the end, of any of them.

“Our show is not canceled,” Khloe told ET. “Lamar and I have just chosen to take a break this summer. I feel like we’ve been on a whirlwind and doing back-to-back shows.”  Continue reading “The End Of Khloe And Lamar…On TV, For A Second”

Lamar Odom Is No Longer A Dallas Maverick

Khloe Kardashian’s husband, the 6’10” candy-addict is no longer a Maverick, but is he also not even a [decent] basketball player anymore? Only time will tell.

Many will say it was Khloe who sucked the life out of Lamar Odom (Yoko-style) when really it was the forced trade from his beloved Los Angeles that did it.

In the words of Tony Bennett:

The loveliness of Dirk Nowitzki seems somehow sadly gay/The glory that was Jason Kidd is of another day/I’ve been terribly alone and forgotten in Dallas/I’m going home to my city in the grey.

OK, that song might be a little altered, and he really isn’t going back to L.A. yet.

Continue reading “Lamar Odom Is No Longer A Dallas Maverick”

Drew Barrymore Looks Like A Tiny Khloe Kardashian

Hear me out hear me out. I know Drew Barrymore normally looks nothing like Khloe Kardashian.

Some may even call me a blasphemous harlot for uttering their names in the same sentence.

Barrymore’s career mostly looks like a bowl of cherries, and she’s no reality star BUT she has been married twice and one of those marriages was to Tom Green.

Lamar Odom has got to be at least 20 million steps up from a guy who puts rats in his butt.

Anyway, Drew Barrymore is awesome and so is Khloe (don’t judge me) but in this picture of Drew wandering around L.A. I have to say she looks like a 5’4″ version of the outcast Armenian.  Continue reading “Drew Barrymore Looks Like A Tiny Khloe Kardashian”

Happy Birthday Rob Kardashian! Here’s A Pic Of You In A Dress And Your Mom In Nothing

Rob Kardashian is such a lucky boy. His five sisters always seem disappointed in him and everyone forgets he exists until he randomly shows up on Khloe And Lamar, peering into the refrigerator, taking a nap or macking on Malika Haqq.

It was his 25th birthday on Saturday, March 17 and his lovely mother Kris Jenner decided that this was an opportune moment to post a naked pregnant picture of herself on her blog with the message:

“Happy 25th birthday to my wonderful, handsome son, Rob!! Rob, you are the best son a mother could ask for and you make me proud every day. I love you so much!!”  Continue reading “Happy Birthday Rob Kardashian! Here’s A Pic Of You In A Dress And Your Mom In Nothing”

O.J. Simpson Is Khloe Kardashian’s Dad Now

After rumors circled and speculation stones were thrown towards Khloe Kardashian, who may or may not be Robert Kardashian’s genetic daughter, I finally know who her true father is.

National Enquirer with the big Luke Skywalker/Darth Vader reveal: it’s O.J. Simpson! This makes perfect sense because Robert Kardashian and O.J. were good friends back in the day.

Add that bit of knowledge to the fact that Kris Jenner was a notorious adulteress and you’ve got an airtight case.

Continue reading “O.J. Simpson Is Khloe Kardashian’s Dad Now”

Khloe – Real Kardashian Or ‘Milkman’s Daughter?’

It doesn’t exactly come as a surprise that Khloe Kardashian‘s genetic Armenian relation to her sisters and father Robert Kardashian is being questioned.  Khloe herself sought out a DNA test on television which proved only that she was the spawn of Kris Jenner, who admitted in her tell-all book to cheating during her previous marriage.

Robert Kardashian’s ex-wives, Jan Ashley and Ellen Pierson, both claim that he knew she wasn’t his daughter, but accepted her as a part of the family regardless. Ashley told Star Magazine that he told her matter-of-factly, “Well, you know that Khloe’s not really a Kardashian, don’t you?

Continue reading “Khloe – Real Kardashian Or ‘Milkman’s Daughter?’”

Punk’d Returns In March With Miley Punking Khloe

Punk’d is returning after a five year hiatus with a new format and new celebrity guest punkers. Ashton Kutcher is still puppet master, but will enlist people like Kelly Osbourne and Miley Cyrus to play jokes on people like Khloe Kardashian.

In the season nine opener Khloe orders food from a man who ends up using the bathroom and getting his testicles stuck in his zipper thus prompting the girls to call 911.

The president of MTV says, “What better way to ring in the New Year than to let our audience know that Ashton and MTV are bringing back Punk’d in a big way.”

Continue reading “Punk’d Returns In March With Miley Punking Khloe”

Khloe And Lamar Are Going To The Longhorn State

It’s official, Lamar Odom has been traded to the Dallas Mavericks after his original trade to the Hornets with Pau Gasol (to Houston) for Chris Paul was rejected by NBA commissioner David Stern. The trade came at Odom’s request.

What this means for non-avid sports fans is a move for Khloe Kardashian, and a new location for one of four Kardashian-related reality shows, Khloe & Lamar. Who knows where the fate of Khloe & Kourtney Take Miami lies.

Originally Khloe Tweeted“I would go anywhere with my hubby,” and “I can survive anywhere, people are acting crazy! LOL New Orleans is a great place. As long as I’m with Lam, I’m good.” Her latest words of Twitter art are made of the same peppy material…

Continue reading “Khloe And Lamar Are Going To The Longhorn State”

Khloe Kardashian Loves Her Sister’s Inability To Make Good Decisions

During Kim Kardashian’s first post-divorce interview with Australian radio show Kyle And Jackie O, Khloe interrupts by picking at Kim’s face with her chola fingernails and interjecting useless thoughts on Kim’s glorious attitude.

Yes, the very attitude that contributed to her second divorce (she was married to music producer Damon Thomas from 2000-2004) is the one that Khloe claims to admire:

Continue reading “Khloe Kardashian Loves Her Sister’s Inability To Make Good Decisions”