This LEGO Memo is a Must-Read for all Parents

lego message to parentsIn 1974, LEGO included this message to parents with their sets, urging them to encourage creativity and disregard gender roles not only when it comes to toys, but in life as well.

The urge to create is equally strong in all children. Boys and girls. It’s imagination that counts. Not skill. You build whatever comes into your head, the way you want it. A bed or a truck. A dolls house or a spaceship. A lot of boys like dolls houses. They’re more human than spaceships. A lot of girls prefer spaceships. They’re more exciting than dolls houses. The most important thing is to put the right material in their hands and let them create whatever appeals to them.

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Hasbro to Make Kid’s Cake Decorating Tool less Penis-y

play doh penisHasbro toys are addressing parent’s concerns about their totally dong-shaped frosting tool by replacing it with something less phallic after concerned mothers contacted the company and posted humorous pictures pointing out the similarities on Facebook after gifting it to their children for the holidays. (One grandmother even mistook it for an actual sex toy.)

Hasbro said in a recent statement that they are “in the process of updating all future Play-Doh products with a different tool.”

Replacement Hasbro cake decorating toy is ribbed for her pleasure comes in regular and magnum sizes. Free easy bake meth kit upon purchase for a limited time only.

Tiny Taylor Swift Falls in Love With Tiny Ed Sheeran in ‘Everything Has Changed’ Video

everything has changed kid taylor swiftThe video for Taylor Swift’s “Everything Has Changed” featuring touring buddy and speculated real-life love interest Ed Sheeran is the seemingly sweet and innocent tale of two childhood best friends who appear to be early versions of Swift and Sheeran.

But there’s a twist. At the end of the thing we learn that the little ginger male and the curly-haired female are actually the kids of the two singers. Am I the only one that thought they were divorced and attempting to cordially share custody? Oh no, that’s weird because the kids are supposed to be together one day.

Okay okay… If they weren’t divorced, were they about to meet and make a third daywalker child which they would eventually resent and divorce over? I hate surprises. Everything ends in death. Continue reading “Tiny Taylor Swift Falls in Love With Tiny Ed Sheeran in ‘Everything Has Changed’ Video”

Hide the Autistic Children, Hide Them All!

Lindsay Lohan court Lindsay Lohan‘s new, extra-incompetent representative and proud graduate of Mickey’s Offbrand Toontown Law School in Disneyland Bratislava reportedly told the press that his client was on her way to a New York school for autistic children.

Withered lawyer potato Mark Heller would not disclose the name of the school or the exact location, so there’s no way for us to fly to the East Coast and intercept her attempts to corrupt and frighten developmentally disabled kids with her venomous words and facial creases.

They’re autistic, not deaf and blind. What school would even allow Lindsay Lohan to enter their premises?  Continue reading “Hide the Autistic Children, Hide Them All!”

Kris Jenner Spent 1989 With Her Legs Above Her Head, Ignoring Her Kids

Kris Jenner unfit motherForgive me, but I just find this story so goddamn funny. Not the neglectful part. Just that Kris Jenner was such a sex-obsessed, Fassbender-in-Shame-style 80’s nymphomaniac that she couldn’t be bothered to pick up a phone.

In an In Touch “exclusive,” which a rep for the Kardashian klan called “ridiculous,” the magazine claims to have obtained the late Robert Kardashian’s handwritten journals, which are full of complaints about his irresponsible ex-wife.

Inside, we learn (using “learn” loosely) that Kris kicked and beat Kim in August of 1989 and was so into Todd Waterman (that guy she just happened to run into on KUWTK) that she was never home.

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It’s Been A Bad, Bad Year For Katt Williams – Comedian Arrested For Child Endangerment

People Katt WilliamsAnd lost cause of the year award goes to… Lindsay Lohan. But after Lindsay it definitely goes to Katt Williams, who just spent a night in jail after cops raided his home and found his four kids were surrounded by guns and drugs.

As the 5’5″ stand-up behind The Pimp Chronicles, Katthouse and Pimpadelic sauntered out of jail, he asked the paparazzi the rhetorical question, “How do you keep kids safe without guns?”

If that was too straight-out-of-NRA-VP-Wayne-LaPierre’s-press-conference-notes for you, Williams also said that he’s “not in a gang” so it shouldn’t make a difference if his preteen kids are sporting AKs and bullet belts.

Here’s a 2012 timeline of ghetto-fab Katt Williams’ moments…

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Why I Hate The 4th Of July And The Days Leading Up To It

I walk outside today and see what? Oh just tons of emptied Whipper Snapper wrappers strewn all around the trash bin, stairs and dirty porch area that has been assigned to me by the warden-like manager of my seemingly charming apartment building.

And what did I see earlier? Three resident troublemakers, all under the age of 14. One in a ski mask, holding a plastic gun – a getup that would land him directly in jail if he were 16 or older.

These are the kids responsible for littering and throwing legal gunpowder bombs all over the ground. If it were socially acceptable to hit children with paddles, I would. Not my own hypothetical non-existent kids, but other people’s? Hell yes.  Continue reading “Why I Hate The 4th Of July And The Days Leading Up To It”

Tori Spelling’s Sanity Shrinks As Her Litter Expands

Tori Spelling is pregnant with not her second or third child but her fourth, and here’s the kicker, it’s been a mere five months since she popped out her last churren, in October. This reminds me of a quote from Friends,

“It’s gonna be one of those log rides where they just come shooting out!”

Spelling announced her pregnancy yesterday on her website. “Dean, Liam, Stella, Hattie, and I are beyond thrilled to announce that another little McDermott is on the way! We feel truly blessed that another angel has found us.” 

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Porn Stars Reading To Children? Awesome!

I mean it too, it’s awesome. I have no problem with Sasha Grey or any other porn star reading to children as long as they’re not reading scripts from their adult movies, unless it’s nap time, cause those are really really boring.

This discussion comes from the fact that Sasha Grey, who recently dropped her “Butt Sex Bonanza” career to pursue other things, volunteered for Read Across America and was placed at Emerson elementary school in Compton, CA on November 2nd.

So, amidst her attempts as acting (she landed a role on Entourage, as herself) she’s spending time with children. Who cares? Apparently, everyone. The actual school that she spent the day at is denying she was ever there, though Grey Tweeted it, and TMZ has pictures.

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Nick Cannon Whacks It To Mariah Songs, Wants Scientist Children

Mariah Carey‘s husband, D-list actor/musician Nick Cannon has been put his hoof in his mouth for the millionth time.

This week, he talked to People Magazine about a potential career for his children, and spoke to the radio show Mojo In The Morning about his “special moments” with his wife’s music.

Mojo: When you guys get intimate with each other…Have you ever listened to one of her songs or one of your songs?…

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Disappointing Britney Spears VMA Tribute

Obviously I am not happy about the MTV Video Music Awards this year. So far I’ve been excited to see Rebecca Black dressed as a dinosaur, the Amy Winehouse tribute, Adele’s performance and Beavis & Butthead staring at Nicki Minaj’s Super Bass Bazoombas.

While I am happy that there was a tribute at all for Britney Spears and that she won the award for Best Pop Video for “Till The World Ends,” the tribute part of it was a huge letdown.

This year Britney (who looked very healthy/pretty) was presented the Michael Jackson Video Vanguard Award and a group of people got together to apparently, celebrate her history…

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Octomom’s Octobelly

Nadya Suleman, better known as the “octomom,” the one I really shouldn’t even be talking about due to the fact that she seems to revel in publicity, but these pictures can not go undiscussed or unseen. Well, they easily could, but I’m sick and I like to torture people…

Ms. Suleman is the proud mother of 14 children overall, so in all honesty this isn’t the worst thing I could imagine. Evil Beet mentioned it looking like Voldemort’s face (slit nose) and not only do I agree but I have a message for all potential mothers out there…

EVEN IF YOU ARE SKINNY, YOUR BODY IS GOING TO GET FUCKED THE FUCK UP.

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