Video: Maroon 5 – “Animals”

This completely unoriginal video, released 3 days ago, is apparently controversial.

A spokesperson for RAINN (Rape, Abuse and Incest National Network) are calling the video – which features Adam Levine creeping on real-life wifey/10,000th-model-he’s-bedded Behati Prinsloo – “a dangerous depiction of a stalker’s fantasy.”
 
I, on the other hand, believe that the majority of people have enough sense to differentiate harmless, horror-themed imagery from instructions on how to stalk and kill women, but then again, they are watching Maroon 5 videos in their spare time…
Adam Levine kissing Behati animals gif Adam Levine kissing gif
I personally found the video of him making babies with Minka Kelly more upsetting.

(Not sure if bad kisser or intentionally slobbering to make video grosser…?)

Spit-Swapping Zac Efron and Michelle Rodriguez Dubbed ‘Zichelle’

Michelle and Zac kissing Michelle Rodriguez’s super-fun romance with Cara Delevingne has been replaced for the summer by a less-fun one with Zac Efron (there they are, making out in Italy), who has a really nice body but is boring as month-old apple pie.

Unlike Michelle, her temper and supermodel ex, Zac is almost “too perfect” for my liking. I believe him to be keeping screeching retards captive in his basement like that black lady on Desperate Housewives.

Apparently, Tumblr seems to think “Zichelle” consists of some crappy boy band kid named Zach Porter and gf Michelle Forget, but I’m here to tell you that this is the real Zichelle even though I see them lasting about as long as my desire to have chickens in my backyard. (I don’t have a backyard.)

 

 

Justin Bieber Wore a Hideous Hat While Dancing With Selena Gomez

Justin bieber selena gomez coachellaThat’s it. I’m convinced that Justin Bieber and Selena Gomez’s entire relationship is based on record sales. That they break up whenever new music is being released to generate buzz and lead their their mutual fans to believe that it’s about that.

I mean, why else release “Come and Get It,” with lyrics like “Hate the way I love you, maybe I’m addicted for life”? She’s got the fever baaaad, and maybe if she’d bothered to just look up a few inches at the top of Justin’s head the other night when they were bouncing around at Coachella she would realize that he is not the one be cured of her horrible affliction.

TMZ writes that Gomez chose to sit in Bieber’s lap at the music festival despite the fact that he was “dressed like a newborn baby at the beach.” I much prefer the idea of Justin kissing guys in the recording studio behind her back. It’s really too bad this picture of him and Austin Mahone was photoshopped

Continue reading “Justin Bieber Wore a Hideous Hat While Dancing With Selena Gomez”

Michelle Rodriguez is a Fun Drunk

Michelle Rodriguez drunk Knicks game
Michelle Rodriguez and professional celebrity bestie/model Cara Delevingne seemed to be having an absolute blast at Madison Square Garden on Tuesday.

A blast whenever their eyes weren’t focused on the game, that is.
Michelle Rodriguez drunk
Judging by photos taken of the two at the game, Michelle and Cara got SUPER drunk and possibly high before the game and continued to drink while orange balls bounced past their half-open eyes.
Cara Delevingne michelle rodriguez
They kissed, blew smoke rings [with an e-cig], spaced out and took goofy selfies in case the paparazzi didn’t do their job and capture their complete disinterest in basketball.  Continue reading “Michelle Rodriguez is a Fun Drunk”

Katherine McPhee Caught Kissing Married ‘Smash’ Director

katherine mcphee kissing director Uh oh, looks like we have a repeat of the K-Stew/Rupert Sanders debacle. This time, it’s Smash director Michael Morris in hot water after photos of him kissing the show’s star, American Idol runner-up Katherine McPhee, were posted to TMZ.

Morris has been married to actress and frequent Howard Stern and Chelsea Handler guest Mary McCormack since 2003. It gets worse, Michael and Mary have three daughters together, and the youngest is only two. McPhee, 29, is also still technically married (“separated”) to some lesser-known, older producer.

Word has it, Morris was kicked out of the house by his wifey for not-lifey after he realized TMZ had obtained proof of the affair and confessed.

I wonder if Eric the Midget is considering catching a balloon to L.A. for a boost into the kissing booth.

Matt Damon had a Tough Decision to Make During Those Steamy Michael Douglas Sex Scenes…

Matt Damon Michael Douglas romanceBehind the Candelabra, based on the relationship between Scott Thorson (played by Matt Damon) and pianist Liberace (Michael Douglas), does not include an “explicit sex scene” or any nudity besides Damon’s ass, but there is a kissing scene that I assume took a good 20 minutes or more to film.

Executive producer Jerry Weintraub said the film was made to “show how we’ve grown” as a nation and how homosexuality (I feel like a conservative when I say that word) has lost some of its social stigma since 1977.

The stigma thing becomes especially apparent when we hear Michael Douglas making jokes about flavored lip gloss while Matt Damon laughs about having something in common with Sharon Stone and Glenn Close.

“I forgot it was Matt and me after about 10 minutes and then I forgot it was two guys,” Douglas told People. “But I would tease Matt about which flavor lip gloss he’d like for me to use!” …So now you know…
matt damon swimming pool gif thong liberace behind the candelabra
Matt Damon’s biggest obstacle during the love scenes was deciding between raspberry and peach.

Continue reading “Matt Damon had a Tough Decision to Make During Those Steamy Michael Douglas Sex Scenes…”

Madonna Seduces Anderson Cooper Using Boy Scout Uniform

Madonna kissing Anderson Cooper Madonna managed to cram a few compliments into her GLAAD Awards speech aimed at everything from knowing how to pitch a tent (because who hasn’t “camped” with Madonna), to anger at the Boy Scouts and everyone else who’s still on the fence (a “sharp” one, she hopes) about equality.

Compliments not about herself, but Vito Russo Award recipient Anderson Cooper, who she called “an excellent journalist with the most beautiful blue eyes.”

“You are a badass motherf*cker. And you are brave and the world needs more people like you, K? Amen,” Madge preached. Later, Cooper snuck in a kiss, because flattery will get you everywhere.

2013 is About Kim Kardashian’s Baby and Nothing Else

Kim and Kanye new yearsI can tell from scrolling through every salacious website ever created that this is not in fact the year of the snake, but the year of the thing inside of Kim Kardashian. Let’s get our binoculars out and perv on some headlines…

Kanye As A Dad: What His Music Tells Us About His Parenting Style (Huffington PostHuffPo plops the lyrics to “New Day” off Watch The Throne in front of analytical readers. In the song with fellow rap papa Jay-Z, Kanye basically says that his son will be a half-Armenian replica of Steve Urkel (no ego, no strip clubs, no fun).

KIM & KANYE: We Don’t Want Any SEX SURPRISES (TMZ)
They don’t want to know the sex of the baby. Whatever. I’m sure TMZ will take do a secret, high-tech ultrasound (using some sort of wand) from outside Kim’s window and fax the results to her right before they post it on their website.

KIM K. PREGNANT Baby Conceived … NEAR VATICAN (TMZ)
A source seems pretty sure the pancake batter that knocked up Kim was injected sometime in Rome, possibly inside the Sistine Chapel or on top of the pope’s robes.  Continue reading “2013 is About Kim Kardashian’s Baby and Nothing Else”

Robert Pattinson For Italian Vogue, 2012

Robert Pattinson plays peek-a-boo with the camera in a slightly misguided shoot for L’Uome Vogue. Somebody on ONTD! wrote that he looks like “the lovechild of Zorro and Nosferatu.”

Though I really can’t disagree, I’d add that it appears that one of the less mutated Hills Have Eyes lurkers stole from the a drama room costume chest and let his cousin-wife take pictures of him inside the old airplanes and cars that belonged to their victims.

Since text for this one doesn’t exist yet, we’ll go over some random election and Breaking Dawn kissing quotes from Pattinson on Jimmy Kimmel.  Continue reading “Robert Pattinson For Italian Vogue, 2012”

Rihanna And Chris Brown – Together At Last?

Nearly every week there seems to be a new story about Rihanna and Chris Brown, whether they were seen together (which has happened twice this week, once at Griffin club and then again at Brooklyn Stadium), kissing at the VMAs or lending their voices to each other’s remixes, it all is too familiar and too hard to keep up with.

An excessive amount of Rihanna and Chris news (more excessive than usual, that is), can only mean one thing: they might actually be back together. She’s progressed past “forgiving” him and moved onto getting back with him.

The former 2009 couple, and possible current lovers, were both seen leaving Hotel Gansevoort in New York on Tuesday following a slew of other sightings like the one at Barclays Center in the VIP section where Rap Radar’s Elliott Wilson snapped a photo of them looking very cozy.

Continue reading “Rihanna And Chris Brown – Together At Last?”

Stories I’m Too Lazy To Write About [9-28-12]

The public preferred George Bush, to Mitt Romney by three percent. (Huffington Post)

Katy Perry is devastated over the death of ex-boyfriend Johnny Lewis. (Us Weekly)

Jay and Bey are spoiling Blue Ivy rotten with $800 shoes. (Pop Dust)

Lindsay Lohan personally relates to Elizabeth Taylor because of diamonds. (Gossip Cop)

“Not guilty,” says Amanda Bynes. (People)

David Bowie had to have someone hold his balls in Labyrinth. (Pajiba)

Snow White director and Kristen Stewart never slept together, only snogged. (Radar)

Liam Neeson spoofs the replacement refs and Taken on Jay Leno. (ohmyGAHH!)

Nicole Scherzinger Denies Kissing Chris Brown, Admits To Being His ‘Friend’

What is this, third grade? Nicole Scherzinger was photographed talking intimately with Chris Brown at Supperclub in L.A., so intimately that many assumed they were kissing.

And why would good-guy Chris Brown EVER be suspected of cheating on his current girlfriend Karrueche Tran when he’s only known for angelic deeds like beating Rihanna, and getting neck tattoos of beaten Rihanna?

Now, I really don’t think they were kissing, and neither does Nicole because her rep was like:

“There is absolutely no truth to the ridiculous story. The photos that have surfaced are old friends who were trying to talk at a very loud club…I guarantee there will be no photos of them kissing.”

Continue reading “Nicole Scherzinger Denies Kissing Chris Brown, Admits To Being His ‘Friend’”

Rihanna Sings Song About Chris Brown To Room Full Of… Chris Brown, At 2012 VMAs [UPDATE]

I’m watching the VMAs right now and as usual, I’ve been tricked into it.

Tricked by my own memories, memories of Rage Against The Machine, Triumph The Insult Comic Dog, and slave Britney Spears with a snake, (hell I’d take post-bald Britney huffing around to “Gimme More”).

This time, Kevin Hart hosts. He’s like tiny Chris Rock, without the humor. Lackluster Hart came out surrounded by midget bodyguards, then rhymed his way through some Laffy Taffy jokes, spending more time congratulating people than insulting them.  Continue reading “Rihanna Sings Song About Chris Brown To Room Full Of… Chris Brown, At 2012 VMAs [UPDATE]”

Anderson Cooper’s Boyfriend Caught Kissing Another Man

Anderson Cooper came out as a gay man just last month, but had long been seeing bar owner Ben Maisani (far left).

They had been dating for around three years, lived together, and were reportedly considering marriage and adoption.

Unless they  broke up, Ben has some explaining to do. He was spotted holding hands and making out with a mystery man in a New York park yesterday.

Much like Kristen Stewart and Rupert Sanders’ affair, there is photographic evidence.

After Anderson announced his sexuality to the world, close friend Kathy Griffin told him to “be careful.” I know this probably isn’t exactly what she meant, but ouch.  Continue reading “Anderson Cooper’s Boyfriend Caught Kissing Another Man”

Video: Justin Bieber – As Long As You Love Me Feat. Big Sean

There aren’t a lot of ways to argue that Justin Bieber isn’t a boy bander gone solo who just happened to never be in a boy band. He’s everything I remember from the Lou Pearlman days of my youth.

But, he was “created” strictly by his 18-year-old mother instead of a fat man with a Lance bAss fetish. Now he’s so “Not A Girl, Not Yet A Woman…” Eighteen, and not caring that “As Long As You Love Me” is already the name of a Backstreet Boys song released three years after he was born.  Continue reading “Video: Justin Bieber – As Long As You Love Me Feat. Big Sean”

This Is What It Looks Like When Francesca Eastwood And Tyler Shields Fornicate

Controversial photographer Tyler Shields and Francesca Eastwood (Clint’s daughter) seem to think of themselves as modern day versions of James Dean and Natalie Wood.

He posted a video of them kissing to Radiohead’s ultra sexy “Talk Show Host” on his website with the line, “There is nothing hopeless about being romantic!” And the question, “Ever Been in love?”

Continue reading “This Is What It Looks Like When Francesca Eastwood And Tyler Shields Fornicate”

A Million Moms Vs. The Urban Outfitters Catalog

Urban Outfitters has come under fire by a group that would be completely irrelevant if we (me included) could stop helping them enter the spotlight.

I’m talking about One Million Moms, who have in the past rallied over use of the word “bitch” in the ABC show reviewed below, “pornography” in The Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue and Ellen DeGeneres appearing in JC Penney ads.

Lately they’re upset over two women kissing in the latest Urban Outfitters catalog. A message on their websites reads:

“WARNING! The April 2012 catalog from Urban Outfitters has begun arriving in home mailboxes the last couple of days. On page two of this catalog is a picture of two women kissing in a face holding embrace!  Continue reading “A Million Moms Vs. The Urban Outfitters Catalog”