Ryan Lochte Can’t Even Lift a Teenage Girl

London Olympics Swimming MenWater caveman Ryan Lochte was injured a few weeks ago in Florida when he failed to catch a fanatical teen girl who jumped into his arms.

It’s especially sad and surprising that Lochte tore not one but TWO ligaments in his knee while attempting to lift a 110-pound girl, because we all assumed he was more brawn than brains, and now we know he’s neither. From ESPN:

COLORADO SPRINGS, Colo. — Olympian Ryan Lochte will miss next month’s Duel in the Pool, leaving the U.S. without its top male swimmer for the meet against a team of European all-stars.

Lochte tore a ligament and sprained another in his left knee on Nov. 3 after an excited teenage girl ran at him and the two fell over in Gainesville, Fla.

Maybe he got confused and thought the girl was his long lost daughter? Or a sandwich?

Katy Perry Has Rocks in Her Knee

katy perry weird kneeKaty Perry has weird physical ailments just like you and me and your old dog or cat or the fish that one guy made the life vest for (so cute).

But Perry’s not a fish that can’t float, she’s one that floated straight into a riptide that made her knee funky forever.

“Wherever I go, I have these two rocks that I still can’t get out of my knee,” she told Jay Leno. “They’re from being slashed across the rocks in Rincon … which is a really popular spot in Santa Barbara.”

Perry added that she doesn’t mind her California-centric surfing injury because it makes her feel “closer to the earth.”

Mhmmm. And I have back problems even though my boobs are the size of Keurig samples and I barely ever lift anything heavier than a half empty box of Corn Puffs…  Continue reading “Katy Perry Has Rocks in Her Knee”

‘Fan’ Takes Chris Brown-Related Anger Out on Rihanna’s Knee

Rihanna bloody kneeOne second Rihanna‘s living Robyn’s “Dancing On My Own” in the corner of an L.A. nightclub opposite Chris Brown, the next she’s in London dodging bottles.

Rihanna scraped up her knee on a metal grate after partying it up with socialite model/Rita Ora bestie Cara Delvingn at a place called The Box. Eyewitnesses say a fan of unspecified gender threw an energy drink at her and scolded her for dating Chris Brown.

In a surprising twist, Rihanna went on a date with the fan the next day, then went on Good Morning America to talk about how wrong it was to forgive him/her, stayed away for a few years, then said ‘f*ck the people who care about me haters’ and went back to the verbally abusive bottle-tosser.  Continue reading “‘Fan’ Takes Chris Brown-Related Anger Out on Rihanna’s Knee”

Skiier Lindsey Vonn Taken Down By Brutal Knee Injury, Airlifted To Hospital

Lindsey Vonn airliftedDecorated American ski champion Lindsey Vonn‘s chances of competing in the near future were frighteningly halted yesterday when she was airlifted to the hospital following a nasty tumble down a mountain at the Alpine world championships in Austria.

The United States team medical director informed news outlets that she had torn two ligaments in her knee and requires reconstructive surgery that will keep her out for the remainder of the season.

It is unlikely that the injury will keep her away from the 2014 Winter Olympics in Sochi, Russia.

Continue reading “Skiier Lindsey Vonn Taken Down By Brutal Knee Injury, Airlifted To Hospital”