Kourtney Kardashian did the Naked Pregnancy Photo Thing

Kourtney kardashian dujour 2Kourtney Kardashian – my favorite, because she’s grumpy, throws the most shade at Kim and loves white meat even though it’s highly frowned upon in her family – is about to pop out another baby and figured she’d preserve the moment in time forever by showing her blown-up pregnancy belly and surprisingly not blown-up bosoms to the world via a naked Dujour magazine spread. (Scroll down for slightly NSFW photo.)

In their profile, Dujour calls Kourtney the “pacifying, nurturing one,” but you kind of have to be a little nurturing and patient when you have two little ones running around plus a Scott Disick AND, like all of us, you live in the constant cold shadow of Kim’s ass.  Continue reading “Kourtney Kardashian did the Naked Pregnancy Photo Thing”

Scott Disick Rubs Money on His Butt and Face

Scott disick toilet paper moneyScott Disick holding money
“Lord” Scott Disick should get paid to have someone write a book for him if he hasn’t already. It can be all about how many doors open for you once you marry and impregnate a famous rich girl.

And also the EXACT amount of money you make from being Kourtney Kardashian’s house elf.

Fortunately we don’t have to wait, because Scott has just posted a series of photos on Instagram of his true love in various positions…

Against his face, as toilet paper, and spread eagle near his various purses and watches.  Continue reading “Scott Disick Rubs Money on His Butt and Face”

Kim Kardashian Calls Herself A Nosy, Drama-Causing Biotch on ‘Kourtney & Kim Take Miami’

kim-kardashian-white-pantsuitPregnancy has made Kim Kardashian soft in more ways than one.

Kim tells Us Weekly that she realized she was causing all kinds of problems for everyone on the fifth Kardashian reality show (after Keeping Up With The KardashiansKourtney and Khloé Take Miami, Kourtney and Kim Take New York, and Khloe & Lamar).

“This season I really took a look back and I realized how much in everyone’s business I really was, and how nosy I was – to the point that I was causing people to get into…physical fights, crying, leaving, storming out,” she says.  Continue reading “Kim Kardashian Calls Herself A Nosy, Drama-Causing Biotch on ‘Kourtney & Kim Take Miami’”

Kourtney Kardashian Finally Said ‘Yes’ To Scott Disick?

Looks like the romance of Paris may have gotten to Kourtney Kardashian.

Always unreliable Star Magazine reports that Scott Disick asked his two-time baby mama of over five years to marry him for the billionth time and she said YES.

“We’re all so thrilled they’ve finally decided to get engaged,” Scott’s loudmouth auntie Laurie told the publication. “We’re all so fond of Kourtney, and we wish them a long, happy marriage.”

The ring was purchased in October at Florida’s Levinson Jewelers.

Coming up on E! – the ring, the proposal, and take after take of Kourtney looking surprised on top of the Eiffel Tower.

Stories I’m Too Lazy To Write About [8-11-12]

Paris Hilton spritzes Snoop Dogg with perfume, gives him a purse. (Idolator)

NBC’s Olympic “Bodies In Motion” video gives new meaning to “bow chicka wow wow.” [Jezebel]

Madonna looks like she’s been taking fashion advice from Taylor Momsen [Entertainment Wise]

Naked Australian surrounded by sharks [Daily Mail]

Mayor of Reykjavík attends gay pride parade as member of Pussy Riot. (Iceland Review)

Guess who looks happy in Marie Claire? Kristen Stewart, of course. [Us Weekly]

Kourtney Kardashian covered her baby with a sheet. [E! Online]

Everybody loves bouncing Dong [Miami Herald]

Jessica Simpson’s dad Joe got a DUI. (Huffington Post)

Marilyn Manson wrote “fuck” on his neck and face. I’m surprised if you are. (Gawker)

Saudi Arabia doesn’t care about female Saudi Arabian athletes. (Yahoo!)

Kourtney Kardashian’s Baby Sleeps Too Much

Of course Kourtney Kardashian had to wait to decide which magazine to sell her baby to before letting the public see it. I mean, uh, to sell pictures of her baby. There are only really only two options, but it must have been a hard decision between Us Weekly‘s $1 million and People’s $999,999 thousand.

Anyway, baby Penelope Scotland Disick was born on July 8th. Exactly a month later, Wednesday August 8, marks the even more important day that she was seen by the world. Somebody tell her.

Looks like she’s fallen asleep during her big moment. If I didn’t know any better I’d have thought that Mason was the new baby.

I mean, I already felt bad for Kourtney because she’s married to a malnourished chipmunk in a suit. Now that I know that he refuses to change diapers after his wife gave birth to a 30 pound child, I feel even worse.

Kourtney Kardashian Had A Baby Girl, Kind Of Named Her ‘Scott’

Kourtney Kardashian gave birth to her second child with Scott Disick, a baby girl named Penelope Scotland Disick. So her name isn’t quite “Scott,” that’s too obvious, even for a Kardashian. “Scotland” though?

That’s kind of a doozy but not nearly as weird as “Blue Ivy Carter,” or “Zuma Nesta Rock Rossdale.”

For a celebrity baby name, I give Penelope Scotland Disick a 3 out of 10 on the creativity scale with a 10 ensuring that the kid will get thrown in a trash can one day and 1 being something that will never be misspelled on a plastic cup by a Starbucks employee.

Another white baby for the Jenner-Kardashian klan? This is almost as shocking as Kim Kardashian not being married to Kanye West.

Continue reading “Kourtney Kardashian Had A Baby Girl, Kind Of Named Her ‘Scott’”

The Most Inappropriate Kardashian TV Moment Ever?

“Inappropriate” and “Kardashian” in one sentence feels like a very redundant oxymoron. Anyone who watches the show knows this is one weird family, and I’m not talking about brains or selfishness.

The sisters (and Rob) are constantly de-pantsing and groping each other while talking in detail about sex and every other thing I would never consider discussing with my family.

On the finale of Khloe & Lamar, Khloe considers getting a DNA test to find out is she is in fact Robert Kardashian’s biological daughter.  Continue reading “The Most Inappropriate Kardashian TV Moment Ever?”

Kourtney Kardashian’s Health Advice – Oil Enemas

You might have tuned into season two of Kourtney & Kim Take New York on E! to look for clues explaining Kim’s sudden divorce (they’re there) but little did I know I actually tuned in to watch Kourtney Kardashian get an oil enema at her favorite holistic spa. Kim was dragged along but refused to have her booty filled with liquids.

Fast-forward to later that day, we see Kourtney sprawled out on Kris and Kim’s bed, when she gets up there’s a curious stain on the sheets. Before that she’d been giving Mr. Humphries, who cannot seem to keep his shirt on, an enema lecture about ‘not knowing what all his holes are for.’

Continue reading “Kourtney Kardashian’s Health Advice – Oil Enemas”

Kim Kardashian Wedding Pics

These two doofs (Kim Kardashian and Kris Humphries) got married yesterday! And E! has released a video of footage from the joyous event.

Kim wore a strapless Vera Wang dress and Kris wore a giant Farrakhan bowtie and honestly I dunno what kind of suit, I have the fashion sense of a Madagascar hissing cockroach.

It was a very very white wedding, for someone who, ahem, used to not be so into white things. Continue reading “Kim Kardashian Wedding Pics”