Frank Ocean Lays the Lyrical Smack Down on Chris Brown

Slightly tired of people writing songs about Chris Brown being an asshole instead of hitting him so hard that his teeth and tattoos fall off, but I guess Frank Ocean’s remix of “Versace” by Migos will have to do.

You all remember when Chris got into Frank’s face over a parking spot then Frank won a Grammy and Chris didn’t stand up because he was lime green jello?

I mean, I can’t hate on Ocean for turning at Taylor Swift Ln and Adele Pkwy because the line “I’m not Liberace/you could stay seated I’m taking that Grammy/your music is sloppy” is just too good and venting frustrations through art is mature high road-taking behavior or whatever.

In other lyrically damning news, Ms. Lana Del Rey, queen of Summertime Sadness and flower crowns, apparently wrote a song saying that Lady Gaga was booed off stages before selling twenty million records because she sounds like a man and can’t sing a lick.  Continue reading “Frank Ocean Lays the Lyrical Smack Down on Chris Brown”

This is Adele’s Baby and This is Her New Tattoo

first pic of adeles babyYES I’m avoiding talking about Jessica Simpson’s new baby Ace Knute, future best friend of Jason Lee’s son Pilot Inspektor, to discuss Adele and her son. This because non-talented, unintelligent Jessica seems like a Pez dispenser of children despite only having two and I’m just plain sick of reading about her and her protruding stomach.

Onto the beloved siren of the Southern England, second-in-command at the Order of Break-Up Anthem High Priestesses above Swift and below Morissette…

Mrs. Adkins, who does have the potential to become a sad log ride/dispenser since she once told Vogue UK “If I ever have children, I want five boys” (because girls don’t love their mothers and “can be so mean to each other”), recently took her son Angelo to drool, spit, poop, barf and cry in the general direction of polar bears and snow leopards at the zoo in Central Park, NYC.

Continue reading “This is Adele’s Baby and This is Her New Tattoo”

Video: Lana Del Rey – “Ride”

Lana Del Rey‘s “Ride” video from her Paradise EP is out on YouTube and Vevo…

The song is produced by Rick Rubin but you’ll be more interested in learning about why Lana is writhing around on a pinball machine in front of a real-life Sons of Anarchy rapist.

Continue reading “Video: Lana Del Rey – “Ride””

Lana Del Rey Gives British GQ Her Body In Exchange For ‘Woman Of The Year’ Title

Lana Del Rey shares the cover of British GQ’s 15th Annual Men Of The Year Awards issue with four people. She has the obvious distinction of being the only one with ovaries, ovaries she almost displays in a naked, leg-hugging embrace.

Tinie Tempah, comedian James Corden Robbie Williams, and silver fox John Slattery (Mad Men) appear on the other covers [fully clothed] in tuxedos.

Turns out, it was neither the editor-in-chief or photographer who convinced seemingly reclusive Lana to wear nothing but blue jewels on her neck and finger. It was her stylist, Johnny Blueeyes whose “support and direction was invaluable ” in the production of her cover.

I thought OTHER people couldn’t keep their clothes on in her presence. Lyrical proof: “You can’t keep your hands off me, or your pants on” #NationalAnthem

Lana Del Rey For Vogue Australia, October 2012

Indie princess Lana Del Rey covers Vogue Australia‘s October issue. Though I have not read the whole interview, VA’s website says Lana “reveals there’s more to her than sultry videos, Americana glamour and a whole lot of hoopla.”

Who said Lana was full of hoopla besides people who got weird preconceived notions from watching Saturday Night Live and never realized her talent as a songwriter of beautifully ironic pop music (she’s currently working on a reissue of Born To Die, called Paradise). Other things learned from Vogue’s summary – she wears a mink coat as pajamas, loves spaghetti, chocolate cake, diamonds and fast cars.  Continue reading “Lana Del Rey For Vogue Australia, October 2012”

Stories I’m Too Lazy To Write About [8-17-12]

Lana Del Rey tries on H&M sweaters (Spin)

Russian band Pussy Riot found guilty of “hooliganism.” Gets two-year sentence. (Huffington Post)

Real World and Celebrity Rehab star Joey Kovar found dead. (MTV)

You can [pretend to] kill Osama Bin Laden for $325 [real] dollars. (Gawker)

Michael Phelps is in trouble over bathtub photos. (CNBC)

Someone photoshopped the shit out of Christina Aguilera (Daily Mail)

Olive Garden review (“the most beautiful restaurant”) goes viral. (ABC)

Now people are complaining because Gabby Douglas got her hair done. (Yahoo!)

Tom Morello doesn’t like that Paul Ryan likes him. (Rolling Stone)

Working Jobs with Ashton Kutcher sucks. (Gizmodo)

Britney Spears Tweets at Mars Rover, gets response. (NY Daily News)

 

Hey Lana Del Rey, Don’t Forget That ‘Heart-Shaped Box’ Is About Courtney Love’s Vagina

Courtney Love wants Lana Del Rey to stop singing about her vagina. And that’s exactly what Courtney thinks Lana was doing when she covered Nirvana’s “Heart Shaped Box” at a concert in Sydney last Friday night.

Love, who is famous for her Twitter rants, took to the popular social media platform to tell Lana what’s up (the purpose of these Tweets are still not known to me or anyone else).

“You do know the song is about my Vagina right? ‘Throw down your umbilical noose so I can climb right back umm… On top of which some of the lyrics about my vagina, I contributed.”  Continue reading “Hey Lana Del Rey, Don’t Forget That ‘Heart-Shaped Box’ Is About Courtney Love’s Vagina”

Video: Lana Del Rey – “Summertime Sadness”

 It took almost seven months for Lana Del Rey to release the best song from her first major-label LP. “Summertime Sadness” is the fifth single and music video from Born To Die.

Little Lizzy Grant has momentarily ditched the skinny tattoo-sleeve guy for actress/model Jaime King in this Spencer Susser (Hesher) and Kyle Newman (Kings’s husband, Fanboys) directed video.

Continue reading “Video: Lana Del Rey – “Summertime Sadness””

Video: Lana Del Rey – “National Anthem”

Not my favorite track from Born To Die but like all Lana Del Rey songs, “National Anthem” does have all the elements of an ironic Dusty Springfield throwback.

The trailer for the it seemed to draw more attention than the video itself with news that Lana would be portraying Jackie O and ASAP Rocky JFK.  Continue reading “Video: Lana Del Rey – “National Anthem””

Semi-Obscure Pop/Rock Playlist #2

You like music? So do I. Use your savvy non-braindead skills to seek out these tunes…

1. Charli XCX – “Stay Away.” Charlotte Aitchison’s “Stay Away” baffles me for the fact that it isn’t a hit song that started slowly (like “Somebody That I Used To Know” or “Maps” by Yeah Yeah Yeahs) and ended big, with radio success and the artist on SNL. It’s got that 90’s feel, meets The Knife or something Lovefoxxx-approved, from Drive.

2. Santigold – “Go!” Feat. Karen O. Master of My Make-Believe, the latest from Santi White is everything you could want from a sophomore album. It’s different but not so different that you have trouble identifying and all the songs are top-notch experimental frenzies, everything M.I.A. wishes she’d done with MAYA.  Continue reading “Semi-Obscure Pop/Rock Playlist #2”

Lana Del Rey: Don’t Judge Me, Hotel Doorlady!

Songstress Lana Del Soul (or Rey, but I typed “soul” by accident and it stuck) was photographed leaving her hotel room on Thursday in this white see-through getup, polka dot skirt and all.

It was not her outfit that struck me as hilarious, because she wears that midriff-exposing retro outfit daily, but the look on the hotel worker’s face, behind her.

She is giving Lana the third degree shitface, the third world pinkeye stinkeye. And what is she perturbed by in particular?

The outfit? The attention she received from a few fans? Her attitude? Lack of tip?

Maybe she has a long-standing obsession with Axl Rose, and is plotting an assassination?

I can’t mistake the look for admiration, it’s definitely some kind of disgust. If only I could interview this woman. I’ll never know. But feel free to caption.

Welcome To The Jungle, Lana Del Rey

It’s quite possible that Lana Del Rey took off her Blue Jeans for Axl Rose.

The two were photographed (and videoed) leaving Chateau Marmont hotel together on Friday.

Daily Mail reports that Lana was seen at two Guns N’ Roses concerts last month. She also has a song called “Axl Rose Husband.”

Rose is 25 years her senior, but this story somehow doesn’t surprise me as much as it should.

I think, like her songs, this is an ironic move. She’s always singing about money, tattoos, fame, and rock ‘n’ roll.

It doesn’t get more…any of those things, than Axl Rose, does it?

Continue reading “Welcome To The Jungle, Lana Del Rey”

Chanel Exec Karl Lagerfeld Insults Russian Men, Adele, Lana Del Rey & The First Lady

78 year-old Karl Lagerfeld, creative director and head designer for Chanel went on a tirade (with Metro news) that managed to backhandedly insult and compliment Lana Del Rey, pregnant chicks, Adele, all Russian men, the entire Greek and Italian nations plus Michelle Obama’s black ass.

The interview ends with the line, “Be politically correct, but don’t become a bore for that. People should be sensitive in these matters, but not make so much noise. Be politically correct, but do we have to know your opinion?” 

Lana Del Rey’s boobs: “In her photos she is beautiful. Is she a construct with all her implants? She’s not alone with implants.”

Adele’s weight: “The thing at the moment is Adele. She is a little too fat, but she has a beautiful face and a divine voice.” Continue reading “Chanel Exec Karl Lagerfeld Insults Russian Men, Adele, Lana Del Rey & The First Lady”

David Letterman Loves Lana Del Rey

David Letterman and Paul Schafer are among the few supporters of Ms. Lana Del Rey, whose SNL performance was panned and album received two stars from Rolling Stone and was plainly called “really bad” by Stereogum.

She visited The Late Show on Thursday, February 2nd and sang a less pitchydawg version of “Video Games,” the kind that originally earned her positive attention before her nervous Saturday Night Live disaster.

Letterman and Shafer both complimented her, saying “Wow that was beautiful,” “Great to meet you” and other repetitive forms of praise. Maybe they went a little overboard, but it was only to make up for assholes like Brian Williams not to mention hoards of indie music snobs.  Continue reading “David Letterman Loves Lana Del Rey”

Lana Del Rey Bombed On SNL But I Still Love Her (And So Should You)

In what I believe to be a combination of nerves and well, more nerves, Lana Del Rey sounded more than a little bit awkward on Saturday Night Live. She may be known for going from low to lower notes in a matter of seconds but this time they did not blend seamlessly.

Despite angry/hate-filler viewers on Twitter and Stereogum + elsewhere, Rey is known for brilliant live performances and does have more than two songs.

In fact, she has an entire CD of independently released music called Kill Kill which housed a number of good songs like “Queen Of The Gas Station” and “Raise Me Up (Mississippi South).” And nobody forgets “Born To Die,” “Video Games,” and “Blue Jeans.” (The latter two were her SNL choices)

Continue reading “Lana Del Rey Bombed On SNL But I Still Love Her (And So Should You)”

Lana Del Rey, Scheduled As Musical Guest On SNL

Lana Del Rey, whose singles “Video Games” and “Born To Die” have wooed millions of music fans who are still mourning the death of Amy Winehouse, Laura Marling’s decline and the lack of a third Adele CD, is set to appear on Saturday Night Live January 14, 2012 with Daniel Radcliffe.

This is news for one because a large chunk of the average American population has no idea who she is and because as far as I can tell, she’s the first artist to be asked on the show whose album has yet to be released. (Born To Die is set to drop Jan. 31)

Continue reading “Lana Del Rey, Scheduled As Musical Guest On SNL”