Britney of ‘It’s Britney, Bitch’ and Co. is Back

Britney spears work bitch album art single Even though Britney’s Femme Fatale album and the accompanying tour feel like yesterday, fans can’t exactly complain about a new single and Vegas-themed music video for “Work Bitch,” NOT TO MENTION a collaboration with Miley Cyrus, which will be good if studio engineers did the right thing and turned the volume down on the sexless, real-life rodent and up for the Mouseketeer.

Check out this album art.

Heavy on top and full of feathers like one of Hefner’s girls after a peacock dinner. (Hef eats the peacocks, right?) The feathers also confirm my theory that people love to hear her swear (especially the word “bitch”) because she’s like a parrot, which are in turn are like small children and very fun to teach bad but incomprehensible things to.

EDC Expecting Fucking Ridiculous 345,000 Attendees This Year

electric daisy carnival crowd
It’s that time of year again–break out your glow sticks and gear up for this year’s annual Tutu Convention Electric Daisy Carnival, which will be held for the third year in a row at the Las Vegas Motor Speedway this coming weekend, June 21-23.

The festival has grown immensely since moving from Los Angeles to Vegas in 2011, after the disastrous 2010 Los Angeles event which involved the death of a 15-year-old girl as well as general, widespread, drug-induced chaos around the Los Angeles area (a.k.a. 114 arrests).

It’s clearly a fucking awesome time, but anyone attending this year should be prepared for disgusting, sweaty, uncomfortably squishy crowds, as the festival sold out all 345,000 of its tickets for the weekend, putting the final count at 115,000 attendees per night.  Continue reading “EDC Expecting Fucking Ridiculous 345,000 Attendees This Year”

Strawberry-Faced Blonde Erin Brockovich Wasn’t Drunk, She Was Hungry

Erin Brockovich mugshotPGE nemesis, consulting firm prez and Julia Roberts movie-inspirerer Erin Brockovich was arrested this past weekend for drunk driving her boat around Lake Mead in Las Vegas after Park & Wildlife officials noticed she was “struggling to dock her boat” a.k.a. ramming it repeatedly into the dock.

TMZ released Brockovich’s corresponding mug shot plus a statement where she explained that the sun and food deprivation were partially responsible for her OUI (operating under the influence) charge.

“I apologize for my actions Friday evening. After a day in the sun and with nothing to eat it appears that a couple of drinks had a greater impact than I had realized,” she said. “I take drunk driving very seriously, this was clearly a big mistake, I know better and I am very sorry.”

A couple of drinks?? She looks like she asphyxiated herself with zip ties and fell into a blender.
boat crash dubstep gif

Ian Ziering Shows Off His 49-Year-Old Ginger Abs

Ian Ziering Chippendales dancer Ian Ziering, best known for his amazing work as the grandfather of all snobby rich kids on Beverly Hills 90210, can currently be seen by horny housewives and confused young lushes in Vegas as a Chippendales dancer.

He is joining the once-famous, spray-tanned likes of Jeff Timmons (of 98°) and Joey Lawrence, who danced the erotic night away in 2011 and 2012.

How much would you pay to see Ziering “use song, dance, striptease and body butter to play out an array of female fantasies”? Apparently others are shelling out $55.45.

I was willing to go to $55.50, but whatever. I just wanted to see if the 25-pound weight loss affected his dong.

Joe Jackson Should Shoot The Person Who Issued Him A Concealed Weapon License

The only thing more frightening than Joe Jackson‘s face is Joe Jackson with a firearm.

Madman Joe was at a hotel casino combo last weekend in Las Vegas for the Black Music Awards when he told his friend“I carry a piece everywhere I go, I’m gonna show it to you. I’ve been threatened a lot of times and so I need to be safe.” 

Father of two talented children and seven failures (Jackie, Tito, La Toya, Jermaine, Marlon, Rebbie, and Randy) also said that he probably used that exact weapon to frighten Michael’s bodyguards during an undisclosed time before his death in 2009.  Continue reading “Joe Jackson Should Shoot The Person Who Issued Him A Concealed Weapon License”

Flavor Flav’s Latest Vegas Mugshot Is Priceless

Flavor Flav was arrested for the second time in Las Vegas, this time for assault with a deadly weapon.

Flav apparently got into some kind of disagreement with his fiancé and her son and pulled a knife on them.

He was released on bail after taking a pitifully sad-eyed, grey-dreadlocked mugshot.

What do you think he was fighting about with his lady love? I think it was about him not picking New York over Hoopz or Deelishis on Flavor of Love.

Did they forget to jingle the keys behind the camera this time? I say that because he was smiling in last year’s mugshot.

When I used to do those horrible grade school photos they had a Lampchop puppet to distract me but I just cried more when I saw it.  Continue reading “Flavor Flav’s Latest Vegas Mugshot Is Priceless”

Prince Harry Is Naked

You’ve heard about Prince Harry’s drunken pool race with Ryan Lochte in Las Vegas, but have you seen what he was hiding under his swim trunks?

New photos released on Tuesday by TMZ almost reveal England’s crimson hope diamond.

Things got a little crazy when the Prince of Wales invited a group of women to play strip billiards in his suite.

Looks like he lost at the game AND at not making everyone put their camera phones in a basket upon entry.

A rep for his family says, 

“We have no comment to make on the photos at this time.”  Continue reading “Prince Harry Is Naked”

Holly Madison Is A Ballerina Now, Will Appear In ‘The Nutcracker’

Holly Madison, the least nut-crackery of Hef’s girlfriends and current star of “Peepshow” at Planet Hollywood is set to make a cameo in the Nevada Ballet Theater’s annual Nutcracker production.

I’d just like to say that implants are not allowed in the ballet, and I am very upset. Every year I drive 1017.45 miles just to see The Nutcracker in Vegas, and this year it’s been tainted by deceit, harlotry and silicon.

The ballet is the one place that had not been affected by the blasphemous sin of Vegas, therefore it was slightly magical, but forget about it. This year I’m staying in Oregon. Fuck you Holly.

This abomination runs from Dec. 17-24 at the Paris Theater, in case YOU wanted to go.

Two Of The Fakest People Ever, In The Same Room

And, since we all know that the fakest people in the world all congregate in either L.A. or Vegas it would only make sense that I would be talking about the least money-grubbing of Hef’s former girlfriends, Holly Madison, and Carrot Top. Self-explanatory.

These two wax-figures hung out at the MGM Grand attraction, CSI: The Experience, where visitors collect fake clues and analyze them to determine how good or bad they’d be as a fake crime scene investigator.

Madison and Mr. Top were invited for the second anniversary of the modern television-based museum in Vegas to test out their abilities (they’re probably about as good as David Caruso) and to donate money to charity.

Continue reading “Two Of The Fakest People Ever, In The Same Room”

Eddie Griffin Is Married! (But Still Irrelevant)

TMZ is reporting that Eddie Griffin is married!

The Undercover Brother/Deuce Bigalow actor and comedian tied the know in Vegas to Nia Rivers on Thursday at a walk-in chapel in Las Vegas.

The wedding cost $199 and a total of four guests were present.

Haven’t I seen this woman on that HBO documentary – Hookers And Johns: Trick or Treat? Or was it Cops?

Wiz Khalifa (Possibly) Married Amber Rose

It doesn’t come as a surprise that the skinny-bones rapper Wiz Khalifa would marry that bald girlfriend of his, Amber Rose. The two were discussing marriage just a few weeks ago at the VMA pre-show.

MediaTakeOut is reporting that the two were wed Thursday, September 8th in Las Vegas, but others are saying that the “photographic evidence” is really just of them celebrating Wiz’s birthday.

I guess since Kanye never married her, she took the so-not-next best thing. And who is Amber Rose? I see her all the time and still don’t know. A model/alien with a diamond-encrusted vagina?

Continue reading “Wiz Khalifa (Possibly) Married Amber Rose”