Jennifer Lawrence’s Legal Team, Like All Legal Teams, Are Total Assholes

So I got an email today from Jennifer Lawrence’s lawyer and I also stepped in poop. The poop thing is obviously much worse, but not really a story.

The email stated that I need to remove a completely censored image of Jennifer, one of the many from her widespread hacked nude photo scandal and also my entire article.

Let me just say that, like my fat cat Raisin (the one whose poop I stepped in), her lawyers are sweet but also completely misguided and derpy. Believing they can actually stop the photos from being shared and seen leads me to believe that – also like Raisin – THEY HAVE NO IDEA HOW THE INTERNET WORKS.  Continue reading “Jennifer Lawrence’s Legal Team, Like All Legal Teams, Are Total Assholes”

Robin Roberts is Gay, Thanks Girlfriend For Support

Robin Roberts vintage ESPNThis afternoon my news feed was bursting at the seams about Good Morning America‘s Robin Roberts’ gayness. Upon telling my snarky roommate, he said he wasn’t surprised and when I asked if it was because she had short hair he said, “No, she was a really good college basketball player.”

I don’t want to admit that that makes sense because it’s less politically correct than Tiffany “Pennsatucky” on Orange Is The New Black, but it’s definitely funny. (Click here for a look at her as a Lady Lion at Southeastern Louisiana University.)

Roberts didn’t loudly “come out,” she simply mentioned her long time massage therapist girlfriend Amber Laign on Facebook.  Continue reading “Robin Roberts is Gay, Thanks Girlfriend For Support”

Miley Calls Former Role Model Sinead O’Connor Crazy

Miley Cyrus tongue iheart radio
After reading an open letter from the woman whose song “Nothing Compares 2 U” inspired “Wrecking Ball,” Miley Cyrus subtly screenshotted tweets Sinead O’Connor wrote about finding a psychiatrist, posted a picture of her ripping the pope in half on SNL, and compared her to Amanda Bynes.

While O’Connor’s letter was intelligent and full of valid points, it doesn’t come off as entirely genuine. Publicizing the content of the message seems hypocritical, and it’s hard not to argue that she’s after the same publicity she repeatedly warns Miley of.  Continue reading “Miley Calls Former Role Model Sinead O’Connor Crazy”

Charlie Sheen Says Farrah Abraham Has ‘Tranny Boobs’

farrah-abraham silicone implantsSooo you probably know about the subcategory of pond scum that Farrah Abraham belongs to?

First we have Amber Rose, Paris Hilton, Snooki, and Kim Kardashian. People who didn’t do much to become famous but are able to sell perfume or clothing because they made an inadvertent sex tape, dated someone famous or got punched on TV.

Then there are the Courtney Stodden and Tan Moms of the world. Octomom and that girl Pumpkin (a person) who spit on New York (a person) on Flavor of Love probably fit in here too.

Farrah Abraham, star of porn and Teen Mom, who probably calls the paparazzi before every inane coffee enema, tanning session or boob job and DEFINITELY leaks texts from people who are much more deserving of fame, is part of this subcategory.  Continue reading “Charlie Sheen Says Farrah Abraham Has ‘Tranny Boobs’”

Clive Davis is in the News a Bunch for Being a Heartless Queen

Clive Davis Kelly clarksonClive Davis and Kelly Clarkson’s feud is a little confusing. Here are the facts… Davis, CEO of Clarkson’s record label RCA, wrote a memoir called The Soundtrack of My Life. In the memoir, the 80-year-old producer credited for kickstarting the careers of talented acts like Whitney Houston, paints Kelly as an overly emotional twit with terrible instincts.

Specifically, he says Kelly was “hysterically sobbing” in his office because she hated what turned out to be the most successful songs from her 2004 sophomore album Breakaway.

Clarkson remembers it differently, writing an open letter on WhoSay about how Davis called her a “sh*tty writer” and told her to “just shut up and sing” after she performed the very personal “Because Of You.”

Continue reading “Clive Davis is in the News a Bunch for Being a Heartless Queen”

12-Year-Old Rips Mitt Romney A New Hole

A Denver 7th grader’s disapproving letter to Mitt Romney discussing gay marriage, women’s rights, religion, and health care is a viral sensation.

Like McKayla Maroney, he is NOT IMPRESSED.

Despite a few grammatical errors (“backpedalled” instead of “backpedaled” and “you’re” instead of “your”), it’s hard to not wonder if Jackson Ripley had some help from his parents. (Or I’m jealous because my comprehension was not nearly this good at age 12.)

What pre-teen refers to the “middle class” and uses words “vulnerable?”

Here’s the entire body of the letter from Jackson Ripley, regarding his younger sister Kennedy’s battle with hemangioma…  Continue reading “12-Year-Old Rips Mitt Romney A New Hole”

Hip-Hop Artist Frank Ocean Admits To Loving A Man

Frank Ocean of Odd Future (one part Tyler, The Creator who says “faggot” 213 times on his solo album, Goblin) has come out in a letter/screenshot of a TextEdit document posted on his Tumblr.

Actually, we’re assuming he’s coming out as either gay or bisexual since he writes about his first love who happened to be a man. “4 summers ago, I met somebody. I was 19 years old. He was too,” the letter says.

Ocean is arguably the first notable person in hip-hop/rap to claim a place in the LBGT community (trans man Katastrophe could fight for that title).  Continue reading “Hip-Hop Artist Frank Ocean Admits To Loving A Man”

Anderson “Silver Fox” Cooper Confirms Status As Gay Sex Symbol

Anderson Cooper confirmed what we all suspected and loved about him: he’s gay. The Emmy-winning CNN anchor allowed his friend of over 20 years, The Daily Beast editor Andrew Sullivan, to post an email explaining his reasons for not coming out sooner.

So, Cooper is “coming out” mostly because he just never got around to it before. He talks about never being ashamed but wanting to maintain privacy and safety in war zones.

Here’s the part of the letter (go read all of it) the media has chosen to focus on:

“The fact is, I’m gay, always have been, always will be, and I couldn’t be any more happy, comfortable with myself, and proud.”

And here are a few of the sentences leading up to that statement:

Continue reading “Anderson “Silver Fox” Cooper Confirms Status As Gay Sex Symbol”

Elvis Presley’s Crypt + Lisa Marie’s Michael Jackson Letter – Guess Which One Won’t Be Auctioned

Lisa Marie Presley has requested that a personal letter to her from Michael Jackson (the two were married from 1994 to 1996) be pulled from one of Julien’s Auctions, who is also handling the sale of her father, Elvis’ crypt in late June.

The letter, written on yellow legal pad, is very unusual. It has a drawing of a square with an arrow pointing to it with the words “Smell here.” The rest of the note reads:

“Lisa I truly need this rest, I haven’t slept litterally in 4 days now. I need to be away from phones and Business people. I must take care of my health first. Im’ crazy for you,” then signs off “Love, Turd.”

The item was expected to bring in over a thousand dollars but the auction house complied with Presley’s wishes, telling TMZ“We wanted to honor the request and continue our good relationship with Ms. Presley.”  Continue reading “Elvis Presley’s Crypt + Lisa Marie’s Michael Jackson Letter – Guess Which One Won’t Be Auctioned”

Prayer Group Wishes ‘Fast Moving Breast Cancer’ On Military Freedom Foundation

Military Religious Freedom Foundation (MRFF) founder Michael Weinstein, received a shocking email from a prayer group that wished fatal illness on all the female employees at his work.

“Now for our prayer, we pray that the women who work in your MFRR and the women in your family will befall fast moving breast cancer which can not ever be cured.”

The writer of the message listed many specific names and said that they would not stop praying until the MRFF stopped dealing with Lucifer and accepted “Christ Jesus as Lord.”  

This is not a first for Weinstein, a Jewish former Air Force lawyer whose organization fights for a secular army.  Continue reading “Prayer Group Wishes ‘Fast Moving Breast Cancer’ On Military Freedom Foundation”

Olivia Munn Pokes [More] Fun At Nudey Scandal

Olivia Munn may be overconfident and overexposed and possibly a liar (her book was partially fabricated) but she has a sense of humor that is perhaps underappreciated.

At the SXSW screening of The Babymakers co-starring Aisha Tyler and Munn (about a husband who attempts to rob a sperm bank after realizing he’s infertile) she had director Jay Chandrasekha read a letter to audience members.

The bottom half of the letter (which she later posted online with the featured picture) is another jab at anyone who may have believed those naked photos were real.

“I pray this letter finds you well and God keeps you safe. Oh, and one last thing – Some of those pictures weren’t even me. I mean, you can’t even see my penis… and it’s pretty big for an Asian. Sheesh.”  Continue reading “Olivia Munn Pokes [More] Fun At Nudey Scandal”

Netflix CEO Reed Hastings Says ‘I Messed Up’ In Mass Email

Though they were once at the top of their game, Netflix has come under a lot of scrutiny lately.

They are being criticized for raising prices significantly, losing Starz content, splitting the company into two parts (Qwikster, the new subsidiary) and generally being douchebags.

At least he’s sort of getting what he deserves, in the form of massive backlash (25,000 comments on their blog) AND a stock plummet. (Check out the 5-day stock chart, bottom left)

The most douchebaggy thing I can think of? Apologizing for something that you blatantly don’t plan on changing.

That’s exactly what Reed Hastings, Netflix co-founder and CEO, is doing.

He recently sent out a very fearful letter, apologizing for the price increase in August ($8.99 to $15.98 for streaming and DVD-by-mail) and explaining all the changes…

Continue reading “Netflix CEO Reed Hastings Says ‘I Messed Up’ In Mass Email”