Miley and Liam Call it Quits for Good

Miley Cyrus Liam Hemsworth holding handsAfter months of following and unfollowing each other on Twitter, not appearing in public together, and her not appearing in public with her ring, reps for both Miley Cyrus and Liam Hemsworth have confirmed that their engagement is over.

I’m guessing he did it because she’s really, really gross and he can totally do better by dating a cigarette butt or a cow skull. I thought she was weird and terrible when she had long brown hair in The Last Song and hadn’t completely been cut from the chain that kept her from twerking and sweating from her tongue like a Golden Retriever.

The VMAs and “Wrecking Ball” are what happens when Billy Ray sleeps.

Miley Shows Liam Hemsworth She’s Ready For Anal Penetration

Miley Cyrus ass in the air
Miley Cyrus has been promoting her new coke and MDMA-fueled single “We Can’t Stop” by spamming the crap out of her Twitter followers. In one of her more recent reminders, she wrote “editing #wecantstop” along with this wonderful picture of her in the traditional “downward dog wants anal” pose.

This was either a hello to Liam Hemsworth or an “I’ve got a love and I know that it’s all mine” message to Amanda Bynes, who totally thinks Liam is the most gorgeous white vagina-murderer in the land.

8====D Bonus Miley Cyrus arse pic here if that’s really something you’re not sick of yet <—–

God Help Us: Miley’s New Album ‘Sounds Like Her Personality’

Miley Cyrus V Magazine underwearSomebody’s been rummaging through Justin Bieber’s underwear drawer. Miley Cyrus dropped trou for V Magazine and talked about her new album and the rumors about her and Liam.

So much for her “A star is someone who doesn’t have to take her clothes off to be sexy” quote in Elle UK. V plays up the whole “she’s a new person because she cut her hair” thing, but I’m not buying it.

She looks like a new person, but she’ll always be Hannah Montana and the girl who ear-raped me with “Party in the U.S.A.” Speaking of that song, Miley still loves it, saying she’d never “take it back” because that would be like Billy Ray “saying that he hated ‘Achy Breaky.'”
Miley V magazine cover 2013Miley Cyrus V magazine cover 2013 Continue reading “God Help Us: Miley’s New Album ‘Sounds Like Her Personality’”

Miley Cyrus For Cosmopolitan, March 2013

Miley Cosmopolitan coverMiley Cyrus does a lot of name-dropping in her “It’s Miley, Bitches” interview with Cosmo. The names of her “competition” or radio buddies (Rihanna, Nicki Minaj, Ke$ha, Lady Gaga, Frank Ocean), collaborators (Tyler, The Creator, Mary J. Blige), influences (Johnny Cash, Nelly, Dolly Parton) and of course her husband, Liam not-Thor Hemsworth.

On being herself on her new album: I really didn’t want to make a hip-hop record, and I’m not trying at all to be a Rihanna or a Nicki [Minaj]….That’s not my vibe.

Her musical background: When I was growing up, my older brother would sneak me Nelly CDs, my dad had me listening to Dolly [Parton] and Johnny [Cash], and my mom is a complete metal head. So this record is a weird mixture of all that.  Continue reading “Miley Cyrus For Cosmopolitan, March 2013”

Miley Cyrus is a Dead Ringer for One of Will Smith’s Offspring

Miley Cyrus Willow SmithMiley Cyrus did the full monty earlier this week. It all started with the shaggy cut, then the Mohawk, then this weird front fringe thing, then ultimately it all had to come off.

See Britney? This is the way to gradually go bald, pay someone $900 a session to make it look semi-normal.

In a way, Miley “rocks” her look by matching it with “edgier” clothes. On the other hand – she still has baby face and looks too kiddish to rock such a grown up style. She looks like Willow Smith‘s older sister on bleached Kelvin instagram filter.

On a side note, I bet her Hottie McNormal fiance, Liam Hemsworth is wishing he didn’t dump his female girlfriend of five years to have underage sex with Jesse Pinkman.

Billy Ray Cyrus Says Miley Is Having THREE Weddings

Today on The Miley Cyrus Show, Billy Ray shares details on Miley’s weddings. Paris Hilton has been known to have multiple birthday parties and polygamists have group marriages, but few venture into the triple wedding region.

Sadly Miley is not marrying both Chris and Liam Hemsworth, this isn’t Savages, and Thor’s hammer is stuck in foreign crevices.

“Now, the couple are going to have no less than three weddings,” Billy Ray told Us Weekly.

Details not known to dad: date of wedding, location, seating info and how his invitation suddenly got lost.

Back in September, Tennessee chipmunk Barbie, real name: Destiny Hope said, “I’m really excited to obviously get married, but I kind of already feel married.”  Continue reading “Billy Ray Cyrus Says Miley Is Having THREE Weddings”

Take It Slow Kim And Miley, I Don’t Want To Write About Another Divorce

Not long ago Kim Kardashian and Kanye West, who are apparently a real couple, were in the news for selling their collective homes so they can move in together.

Both put their houses in Los Angeles up on the market for several million dollars and are looking, according to TMZ, for “a really private place to live … behind gates.”  Continue reading “Take It Slow Kim And Miley, I Don’t Want To Write About Another Divorce”

Denial Ain’t Just A River In Egypt, Miley

So maybe Miley Cyrus isn’t engaged. She may wear what looks like a wedding ring on her fourth digit but she’s adamant about it not being anything of the sort.

She’s repulsed that you’d think so because it’s “a topaz.” GOSH.

Rumors continue to swirl despite her rampant denial and continuous efforts on Twitter, like referring to Liam Hemsworth as her “boyfriend.”

Perhaps Tweeting a picture of your hand spread out like a Thanksgiving turkey with a diamond in it isn’t the best idea? Continue reading “Denial Ain’t Just A River In Egypt, Miley”

Miley Cyrus Is Still Bananas, Plus Other Phallus-Related Things!

Miley Cyrus celebrated her Thor-brother boyfriend’s b-day by jumping on top of a table at Club Icon in Los Angeles and licking an ebony penis cake.

Here’s how the event went. Miley: Hey ya’ll, everyone sing to Liam, he’s 22 today! Liam: Thanks babe, you’re the best, but what’s with this cake?” Miley: You don’t like it?

Liam: It’s great, why don’t you JUMP ON THE TABLE AND PRETEND TO GIVE THE CAKE A BLOWJOB! Miley: SURE! Continue reading “Miley Cyrus Is Still Bananas, Plus Other Phallus-Related Things!”