James Franco is Telling Tall Tales About Lindsay Lohan Again

James Franco still seems really overly upset about being on that list of famous dudes Lindsay Lohan slept with.

After denying it adamantly and telling Howard Stern about her stalker tendencies, he’s gone out of his way to bring it up again, this time in an article on Vice where he describes the time he read Nine Stories to her for no apparent reason besides that he wanted his name to be mentioned in the same breath as J.D. Salinger’s.

James seems to have pulled a Maureen Dowd and eaten too many weed chocolates, because the story is 80% nonsense references to movies and actors he enjoys and 20% Lohan.

Here’s every namedrop and movie mention, so you can get an idea of just how ADD he is:

Leo DiCaprio, Lukas Haas, My Own Private Idaho, Kurt Cobain, Rebel Without a Cause, Gus Van Sant, Titanic, Martin Scorsese, River Phoenix, Witness, Harrison Ford, Buffalo ’66, Woody Allen, Christian Bale, Spring Breakers, Harmony Korine, David Blaine, American Psycho, Andy Kaufman, Milk, Keanu Reeves, Nicolas Winding Refn, Drive, Cher, Burlesque, Terry Richardson, Meryl Streep, Buddha. (The worst part is, I left quite a few out.)

He claims Lindsay crept into his room at Chateau Marmont one night because she was lonely and that he ran his fingers through her hair after she passed out with her head on his chest which honestly makes him just as weird as her.  Continue reading “James Franco is Telling Tall Tales About Lindsay Lohan Again”

Lindsay Lohan Thinks Jennifer Lawrence Spreads Her Legs as Often as She Falls on the Red Carpet and Talks About Food

\Jennifer Lawrence excited
After telling Andy Cohen just the other day that she will not say anything bad about fellow actresses and finds that behavior “sad” after being asked what she thought of Rosie O’Donnell saying her new reality show on OWN caused “suffering, destruction and distress,” it’s hard to believe that Lindsay Lohan accused Jennifer Lawrence of sleeping around to get movie roles, but UPI is reporting just that.

According to the website, Lohan threw Lawrence into her burn book during a drunken interview with Kode magazine, saying the following words:

“She’s so fake and I’m sorry I’m not going to f*ck for roles.”

The chances that Lindsay actually said that are probably slimmer than the number of people who watch her show, but she did tell Cohen that she’s “done with mugshots and ready for an Oscar” – something Lawrence has, along with an intact face and sense of self – so maybe whoever said green was the color of envy was wrong. Maybe it’s redheaded and smells of menthol cigarettes and cab driver semen. Continue reading “Lindsay Lohan Thinks Jennifer Lawrence Spreads Her Legs as Often as She Falls on the Red Carpet and Talks About Food”

Lindsay Lohan Orchestrated Beating of Paris Hilton’s Brother?

Barron Hilton beat upIn too-good-to-be-true news of the weekend, Paris Hilton’s bro claims he was beaten up at a party in Miami after Lindsay Lohan overheard him talking sh*t about her.

Lohan allegedly egged a man – now ID’ed as New Yorker Ray Lemoine – on to attack Barron Hilton. TMZ’s sources say both Lemoine and Lohan were mysteriously not home when police came to question them.

Reps for both parties deny the accusations, with Lemoine’s specifying that Barron started the fight in the first place.

Paris reportedly Instagrammed the now-deleted words “They both will pay for what they did. No one f*cks with my family and gets away with it!!”

 

30 Seconds To Mars Recruit Lindsay Lohan, Kanye and More for ‘City of Angels’


Jared Leto and Thirty Seconds To Mars continue their streak of lengthy, cheesy, over-the-top videos with “City of Angels,” which begins with testaments to the beauty and destruction of L.A. by celebrities.

Cameos include Kanye West, Olivia Wilde, Corey Feldman, Selena Gomez, Juliette Lewis, James Franco, Ashley Olsen, Lily Collins, Alan Cumming, Lindsay Lohan, Shaun White, a porn star, two impersonators (Michael Jackson and Marilyn Monroe) and the late Christopher Reeve.  Continue reading “30 Seconds To Mars Recruit Lindsay Lohan, Kanye and More for ‘City of Angels’”

Lindsay Lohan Hosting ‘Chelsea Lately’ Next Week

Lindsay Lohan chelsea handlerLindsay Lohan continues her seven-year attempt at a comeback with a late night hosting gig on E!’s Chelsea Lately. Lohan will take over for Chelsea Handler next Monday, August 5.

Handler and Lohan’s history dates back to the opening segment of the 2010 VMAs, when Lohan slapped Chelsea’s ass and called her an alcoholic. Prior to that date, Chelsea had made fun of Lohan’s various DUIs and other legal issues, then met her, called her “sweet” on her show, and went back to making fun of her a few months later.

What’s harder, comedians trying not to make fun of Lindsay, or Lindsay showing up on time?

Remind me to set my DVR not to record that day. Secondhand embarrassment is lethal.

Let’s Compare ‘Lovelace’ and ‘The Canyons’

Lovelace posterThe Canyons poster
Trailers for Lovelace and The Canyons hit the net at around the same time so I figured instead of boring you with individual coverage, I’d lump these two train wrecks into one super post.

Lovelace stars Amanda Seyfried, the girl who’s career blew up after playing an exceptionally stupid member of the Plastics in Mean Girls. (Tumblr never stops worshipping that character.)

While both movies are sort of about porn, Lovelace is actually about the industry and blowjob screen legend Linda Lovelace, a role that Lindsay Lohan was originally meant to play.  Continue reading “Let’s Compare ‘Lovelace’ and ‘The Canyons’”

Craziest Crazytown Answers From Lindsay Lohan’s Crazy Piers Morgan Interview

Piers Morgan Lindsay LohanLindsay Lohan did a rare, non-televised interview with Piers Morgan for the Daily Mail in a “borrowed” townhouse in Manhattan. She was wearing “bright striped pyjamas” (British spelling), and talking about everything that ever happened in her life. Ever.

Her first drink: I was 17… I got really sick and Mom made me sleep with vomit still on me so I’d understand how it felt. I didn’t drink again throughout high school. I was too scared!

“So you’re an alcoholic?”: No … But when I was younger I was definitely going out too much and I was drinking too much. I was accused of everything, even stealing a necklace. I’d never steal a necklace.

Cocaine: Everyone thinks I’ve done it so many times. But I’ve only done it maybe four or five times.

Her drugs of choice: Pot, obviously. And ecstasy. I liked that better than the others (giggles). I didn’t drink on it, so I was just chilling. It’s something that a lot of people experience when they’re in college.

Rehab is “a joke:” I’ve been court-ordered to do it six times. I could write the book on rehab. Constantly sending me to rehab is pointless. The first few times I was court-ordered to rehab it was like a joke, like killing time.  CLICK for stuff about Michael Lohan, therapy and her sexuality…

Tara Reid Calls Lindsay Lohan a Bitchy Train Wreck

Tara Reid Lindsay LohanTMZ’s choice to let Tara Reid host their television show this week paid off. As soon as the topic of Lindsay Lohan getting her car towed came up, Tara, an expert in train wrecks, called out Lindsay’s behavior.

“She should just stop driving,” Reid said, later explaining that they don’t get along because Lindsay is a “mean drunk” who crashed her friend’s car. Apparently, one of the few times they did hang out, Lindsay rubbed Reid’s vodka watermelons the wrong way by drowning innocent cell phones.

“She’s so paranoid … anytime she thinks someone has a camera phone on, she drops it in the ice bucket.”

I’m just going to leave this Tilly and the Wall video right here. Pot kettle pot kettle black… Continue reading “Tara Reid Calls Lindsay Lohan a Bitchy Train Wreck”

Lindsay Lohan Flogs David Letterman With Vicious Eyes and Bee-Stung Lips

Lindsay Lohan David Letterman 2013Active volcano Lindsay Lohan almost erupted at David Letterman last night when he veered from talk of Scary Movie 5 and Anger Management to *gasp* ask her about what’s actually going on in her life.

Lohan puffed out her lips and rolled her eyes a little less when she finally realized that she could get him to shut up by answering vaguely, without actually addressing any of her problems.

Continue reading “Lindsay Lohan Flogs David Letterman With Vicious Eyes and Bee-Stung Lips”

Lindsay Lohan Has Bruises All Over Her Legs

Lindsay Lohan bruisesWhile taking a dip in the waters of Brazil, Lindsay Lohan displayed some pretty large, above-the-knee bruises.

Let me explain this, in case you forgot what happens to your pain tolerance when you get sloshed on jungle juice… Drunk bitches fall hard because they don’t feel it.

Alcohol may ruin your vision, motor skills, and equilibrium, but it also turns you into Hulk, and Lindsay is no exception. Close your mouths and stop imagining that she’s being abused by Avi Snow or Max George or whoever she’s supposed to be dating now.

UNLESS one of them pushed her down the stairs without knowing that her “I’m pregnant” Tweet was a late April Fool’s joke. Here are some other photos of past and present damage: Continue reading “Lindsay Lohan Has Bruises All Over Her Legs”

Lindsay Lohan Caught Drinking Vodka in the Darkest Crevices of California

Lindsay Lohan in the mirror“Sources close to” Lindsay Lohan say she spent a large chunk of her week drinking in spite of just being ordered to go to rehab for being a dirty alcoholic by a judge in Los Angeles.

When they say the sources are close I think they are literally in her vicinity, and are in no way her friends, though I could be wrong. Anyway, some fellow winos claim to have spotted Lindsay pouring vodka into her gullet at AV Nightclub and her Beverly Hills hotel on Monday, then again on Saturday at FLUXX in San Diego.

The surprising part is obviously not that she’s drinking, but that she flew or drove two hours to San Diego for cocktails.  Continue reading “Lindsay Lohan Caught Drinking Vodka in the Darkest Crevices of California”

Lindsay Lohan Goes Junior College Dropout in Latest Mugshot

Lindsay Lohan mugshot 2013 Lindsay Lohan took time off flicking cigarettes at ducks in the park and sipping lettuce cocktails at club this-n-that to pose for a new booking photo. Good thing she was already in the courthouse, because good luck getting her and that five-hours-ahead-internal-clock to show up for anything besides a coke-handoff behind El Pollo Loco.

This new mugshot is possibly her best. It displays the signature pursed modeling for Hustler 101 lips, the raised “don’t judge me” eyebrow, with messy hair and a laid-back track jacket. Something in between burnout and prom queen.

(A red-headed Ashley Rickards in Awkward?)

Lohan’s latest epic dodgeball game with jail involves 90 days in an especially strict rehab center, 18 months of talking about how everyone is against her and 30 days of picking up trash by the freeway.

Hide the Autistic Children, Hide Them All!

Lindsay Lohan court Lindsay Lohan‘s new, extra-incompetent representative and proud graduate of Mickey’s Offbrand Toontown Law School in Disneyland Bratislava reportedly told the press that his client was on her way to a New York school for autistic children.

Withered lawyer potato Mark Heller would not disclose the name of the school or the exact location, so there’s no way for us to fly to the East Coast and intercept her attempts to corrupt and frighten developmentally disabled kids with her venomous words and facial creases.

They’re autistic, not deaf and blind. What school would even allow Lindsay Lohan to enter their premises?  Continue reading “Hide the Autistic Children, Hide Them All!”

10 Sexy Photos of MenKind’s ‘Least Sexy Actresses’

Uma Thurman sexy 2
British men who aren’t Robert Pattinson voted Kristen Stewart the “least sexy actress” in Hollywood along with Lindsay Lohan, Uma Thurman, Sarah Jessica Parker and other unfortunate souls.

I’ve always thought Kristen Stewart was sexy in that dirty-pile-of-laundry, hang-you-from-the-ceiling-and-whip-you-with-butt-plugs type of way.

But clearly I’m not a man from England and my opinion is more meaningless than MenKind’s list.

Continue reading “10 Sexy Photos of MenKind’s ‘Least Sexy Actresses’”

Help Me Decipher Lindsay Lohan’s New Tattoo Before My Head Explodes and I Turn To Mush

Lindsay Lohan triangle tattooI dream of a world where you can’t throw a stone and hit three Lindsay Lohan stories in a single day. In that world I’m out of the job, but it’s still a nice thought. Until then, we can talk about Lindsay’s new tattoo…

Her latest ink is a red triangle and words that I think say “What dreams may close,” though the popular guess is “What dreams may come.” This chicken scratch obviously has something to do with the illuminati (though Perez says Scientology).

Or it’s just something Lindsay saw in a children’s book (this one?). Or she’s just a really big Robin Williams fan. We’ll never f*cking know (unless she writes about it on Twitter later).  Continue reading “Help Me Decipher Lindsay Lohan’s New Tattoo Before My Head Explodes and I Turn To Mush”

Things Are Heating Up Between Lindsay Lohan and Max George, Or She’s Stalking Him Harder

Lindsay Lohan Max George instagramI wasn’t even aware that Lindsay Lohan and The Wanted’s Max George were a real item.

Apparently I’m still living on last year’s news, when Lindsay was peering from behind trees and garbage cans outside The Wanted’s tour bus in hopes of catching a glimpse of him, or taking photos she could later hire someone to edit her face and body into.

I’m also blindly hoping there’s a Goldschlager’s flake of dignity left in her. She did, after all, reportedly turn down $550,000 to fall on her sequined ass on Dancing With The Stars. Girl needs the money so I’m not sure if that’s dignity or stupidity.

You say “tomato” I say DON’T DATE GUYS WHO REFER TO YOU AS “A GROUPIE.”   Continue reading “Things Are Heating Up Between Lindsay Lohan and Max George, Or She’s Stalking Him Harder”

Megan Fox Apologizes For Telling The Truth About Lindsay Lohan

Megan Fox Esquire 2013Megan Fox apologized on Facebook for calling her Confessions of a Teenage Drama Queen co-star Lindsay Lohan an unreliable actress with a lot of potential.

While explaining in an interview why she had her Marilyn Monroe tattoo lasered off, Fox drew comparisons between her (Marilyn) and Lindsay.

“She wasn’t powerful at the time. She was sort of like Lindsay. She was an actress who wasn’t reliable, who almost wasn’t insurable. She had all the potential in the world, and it was squandered,” she told Esquire.

Fox said on Facebook that she wanted to clarify her comments before “something silly” happened.  Continue reading “Megan Fox Apologizes For Telling The Truth About Lindsay Lohan”