Michael Bay’s Ninja Turtles Look Like Steamrolled Caca

new ninja turtles michael bay Paramount got their leopard thongs all bunched up and sandy over a promotional photo of the turtles from the new Ninja Turtles movie produced by Michael Bay, directed by Jonathan Liebesman and starring Megan Fox, Whoopi Goldberg and Will Arnett.

As you can see, they’ve “urbanized” the turtles, giving them human lips on top of their beaks, ultra-textured head and shoulders, and extra flowy bandanas. Raphael even has a gold chain, my n-word with an “a” at the end.

Maybe the studio wouldn’t be so livid if the precious turtles didn’t look really f*cking weird? Like, the kind of weirdness that is just too weird to describe.

With any luck this is just a scrapped look at the four mutants and not one of the concepts that made it in front of an actual recording device of any kind.

Unfortunate that they turned into scowling, improperly colored rapists. I was really hoping they’d end up looking something like this. (And this.)

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Video: Jennifer Lopez – Goin’ In Feat. Flo Rida

The Lopez dispenser is back at it. Pumping out overproduced undercreative music videos at the speed of Beyonce. “Goin’ In” is as bad as you’d guess after only hearing the title…

Strobelights, a blatant Remy Martin vodka advertisement, and a lot of pink shit. Pink fire hydrant, Jennifer in a pink cape with vajazzled lips, and a shattered pink grenade.  Continue reading “Video: Jennifer Lopez – Goin’ In Feat. Flo Rida”

Let’s Mourn The Loss Of Lara Flynn Boyle’s Face

Nineties sex symbol Lara Flynn Boyle was photographed in Los Angeles on Saturday looking more like MADtv’s Ms. Swan than the woman who once graced the cover of Rolling Stone with her female Twin Peak‘s castmates.

I was reading what one of my favorite “gossip” websites, Pajiba, had to say about it and Dustin Rowles proved a good point. He said:

“When I see pictures of Lara Flynn Boyle or Meg Ryan in their current state, I don’t feel venomous…What I feel is a sort of empathetic helplessness. I feel sad, not necessarily for the way Lara Flynn Boyle looks now, but about the circumstances that drove her to this.”

And while I’d love to throw up comparisons photos of her next to a grumpy alien, I too feel sad that she can’t handle aging naturally. Continue reading “Let’s Mourn The Loss Of Lara Flynn Boyle’s Face”

Woman Gets 100 Lip Injections In Order To Resemble Jessica Rabbit

Congratulations, creepy woman in St Petersburg Russia, you now have the biggest lips in existence. Yes, Kristina Rei was convinced for years that her lips were thin and undesirable so she took drastic and unnecessary measures.

Her solution? Over one hundred lip injections, since the age of 17 (she’s 22 now) in order to look just like her childhood idol – Jessica Rabbit.

Each silicone injection costs around $53 U.S. dollars so overall she’s had about $5200 dollars worth of mouth-specific plastic surgery. Also, she says she’s not done.

“My big lips have helped boost my confidence. Even my parents are happy for me. They really don’t care about my appearance. Some of my friends have told me I shouldn’t go any bigger but I’m not satisfied yet.”

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Nicki Minaj Prefers Lippy Paupers To Cocky Princes

In the latest issue of Cosmopolitan magazine Nick Minaj let the world know that men who try to blow her mind and say they’re the best at this moment in life with their super blazin’ wallets make her dungeon dragon sad.

Enough snarling Minajian song references, this is serious business. Nicki says:

“I may be smiling in their face, but my antenna is up…When they’re trying to show off their cash or their watch, it’s an immediate turn-off.”

Then she put her pink shoe in her mouth a little bit by spouting a little too much confidence, kind of like those same guys who flaunt their benjamins to her:

“I’m around millionaires and athletes every day who think, ‘All I need to do is get in a room with Nicki Minaj’ and they’re gonna leave with my number…You can’t run game on a rapper. I’m always 10 steps ahead of you.”

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