Bill Cosby Timeline of Women

Bill cosby 2014Lately it seems like the internet is abuzz with two things and two things only: the race riots relating to officer Darren Wilson’s “not guilty” verdict in Ferguson, MO and the seemingly endless rape allegations against comedian Bill Cosby.

American’s image of Cosby as the sweetest, most family-friendly black man on television has been absolutely decimated by gut-wrenching stories of abuse from his victims.

Cosby disregarded the allegations at a sold-out show recently saying he “Shouldn’t answer to innuendos” and telling people to “fact check.”

If the reports are true, Cosby has been systematically spiking women’s drinks with quaaludes since the mid ’60s into at least 2005. Here’s a timeline of his many victims:

1965 – Kristina Ruehli (came forward Nov. 21, 2014)

Ruehli, who met Cosby while working at a talent agency, “completely passed out” after being poured a mere two drinks and woke up to a shirtless Cosby trying to force her to have oral sex with him.

“He had his hand on my head. He had his c*ck out, and he had my head pushed close enough to it,” she said. “I just remember looking at his stomach hair. And the hair on his chest. I had never seen a black man naked before.”

1967 – Carla Ferrigno (came forward Nov. 20, 2014)

Lou Ferrigno’s wife Carla alleges that she was “one of the lucky ones” who escaped Cosby after her date at the time and Cosby’s wife left her alone with him.

He lunged at her as soon as everyone left the room, kissing her “really rough.” She retaliated, “pushed and jumped and ran” after he persisted but was understandably shaken up, later telling a friend who didn’t believe her.

Carla also told radio hosts in Los Angeles that Cosby’s wife Camille is fully aware of his behavior.

“I thought it was disgusting that she stayed with him because she knew.”

1969 – Joan Tarshis (came forward Nov. 16, 2014)

Tarshis, a writer and actress who “idolized” Cosby, first met him at the age of 19 while he was playing Chet Kincaid in the Bill Cosby Show (not to be confused with The Cosby Show, ’84). Via Hollywood Elsewhere:

The next thing I remember was coming to on his couch while being undressed. Through the haze I thought I was being clever when I told him I had an infection and he would catch it and his wife would know he had sex with someone. But he just found another orifice to use. I was sickened by what was happening to me and shocked that this man I had idolized was now raping me. Of course I told no one.

1970 – Victoria Valentino (came forward Nov. 22, 2014)

Valentino, a former Playmate, was introduced to Cosby through friends. After a few meetings, they “popped pills” and went to his apartment where he grabbed her by the head and pushed her down towards his crotch.

Then he turned me over. It was like a waking nightmare.

1970 – Linda Joy Traitz (came forward Nov. 17, 2014)

One night, Traitz accepts a ride home from the co-owner of a cafe Traitz waitressed at who happened to be, you guessed it, Bill Cosby. Instead of taking her home, Cosby drove her to the beach and presented her with a “briefcase filled with assorted drugs.” 

He began to get sexually aggressive and wouldn’t take ‘No’ for an answer.

After he grabbed her chest “all over,” Traitz “freaked out,” running down the beach while Cosby chased her and eventually convinced her to get back in the car.  Continue reading “Bill Cosby Timeline of Women”

5 Holiday Movies to Melt Your Cynical Heart

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Yay! Holidays are here and it’s time to tune out gluttonous relatives who only ever brag about their children’s non-existent achievements, buy things you can’t afford or keep for yourself, and eat food that will shave five years off your life and force you to buy elastic maternity pants that only come in embarrassing colors.

So, while you’re decorating the tree you killed in your stained turquoise pants, here are some festive movies to pass the time and make that black icicle in your chest go thump thump thump.

(Omitted National Lampoon’s Christmas Vacation and A Christmas Story for obvious reasons.)

1. Scrooged. Before What About Bob? and Groundhog Day, there was Scrooged with Bill Murray in his curly-haired prime in the best (and only?) Christmas Carol movie aimed at drink-holding adults.

2. Love, Actually. This one’s not so much for cynics, but it’s still a billion edgy steps up from anything dredged up from Nicholas Sparks’ toilet. Aging sellout Billy Mack steals the show with his corny rendition of “Love Is All Around.” Oh, and all I want for Christmas is a naked Bilbo Baggins (you’ll see).

3. Mixed Nuts. Liev Schreiber in drag and pregnant Juliette Lewis bitching to the tune of Adam Sandler’s ukulele. Help me solve the mystery of why this movie was panned by the critics.

4. Home For The Holidays. Truly the perfect dysfunctional family Thanksgiving movie, this centers around a brother and sister (an understated Robert Downey Jr. and Holly Hunter), their mom and crazy aunt Gladys. Also, shaky-chinned Claire Danes and douchey Dylan McDermott. “LET’S EAT DEAD BIRD!”

5. Bad Santa. Sarcastic drunk mall Santa befriends overly optimistic fat kid. Hilarity ensues. ‘Nuff said.

Kristen Stewart and Tom Cruise are the Shiftiest Minxes in Hollywood

Kristen Stewart frustratedKristen Stewart is the quiet girl in the corner who scribbles your name in a death note, according to a Reader’s Digest poll that required 1,000 people to vote on which actors and actresses they trust the least.

Tom Cruise, the whacky homeschooled boy who befriends you so he can probe your ass with pointy alien artifacts, also topped the list of untrustworthy names in Hollywood.

In the realm of meaningless popularity contests that I don’t trust, I’d say this list ranks pretty high.

Not trusting someone because of their religion is like not trusting someone because they’re gay. Worried Tom Cruise will jump on a sofa and lure you into his spaceship? How about you just NOT become a Scientologist.

Kristen Stewart was hated long before she cheated on Robert Pattinson. She’s a monster because she’s shy, can’t walk in heels, and has been known to complain about fame.

Why the f*ck isn’t Mel Gibson on this list? He’s racist, sexist and anti-semitic…  Continue reading “Kristen Stewart and Tom Cruise are the Shiftiest Minxes in Hollywood”

10 Sexy Photos of MenKind’s ‘Least Sexy Actresses’

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British men who aren’t Robert Pattinson voted Kristen Stewart the “least sexy actress” in Hollywood along with Lindsay Lohan, Uma Thurman, Sarah Jessica Parker and other unfortunate souls.

I’ve always thought Kristen Stewart was sexy in that dirty-pile-of-laundry, hang-you-from-the-ceiling-and-whip-you-with-butt-plugs type of way.

But clearly I’m not a man from England and my opinion is more meaningless than MenKind’s list.

Continue reading “10 Sexy Photos of MenKind’s ‘Least Sexy Actresses’”

CBS Wants to Ruin Any Remaining Shred of Fun at The Grammys

Crazy grammy dresses 2Good thing Lil’ Kim and Trey Parker have no reason to be at The Grammys this year. An email sent by CBS Standards and Practices to attending celebrities lists all the things they’re not allowed to wear.

No-nos includes “thong type costumes,” “sheer see-through clothing” and “brand name products on T-shirts.” One-piece tuxedos and turtlenecks are okay.

Problematic (and favorite) language in the memo, which was reportedly leaked by a low-level staffer, would have to be the redundant references to “female breast nipples” and “buttock crack.”

Continue reading “CBS Wants to Ruin Any Remaining Shred of Fun at The Grammys”

Do Michelle Obama and Madonna Belong on a List of the 25 ‘Least Influential’ People?

GQ just released their list of various politicians, sports figures, musicians and Hollywood figures who they consider to be the least influential, and there are more than a few inclusions that just don’t sit right.

Amanda Bynes and Gotye: yes, Michelle Obama, hell no.

Forget that she’s the first lady, Mrs. O is actually somebody worth idolizing.

Seeing that her entry (number seven) is accompanied by a picture of her snarfing down Haagen Daz straight out of the container in a bath robe, it’s clear that the compiler of this list merely dislikes her vendetta against fast food.  Continue reading “Do Michelle Obama and Madonna Belong on a List of the 25 ‘Least Influential’ People?”

Whose Fans Have The Best Nickname?

Sometimes a fan is just a fan and other times, they’re, well, some god-awful name they were given or that they gave themselves.

It’s all the same kind of cancer.

Well, put your paws up, but not those paws. I’ve decided that Ke$ha‘s “Animals” win this game, but only because it’s the most fitting and least horrible name to say outloud

Worst has to be Courtney Stodden (Stoddenistas) for even thinking she’s cool enough to name her fans, and Chris Brown for having fans at all, especially female ones. That kind of stupidity deserves a rural county fair cow ribbon.

Let’s review all the options, and I’ll let you decide (comment below)  Continue reading “Whose Fans Have The Best Nickname?”

Beyonce Excluded From Maxim Hot 100, Again

“The definitive list” of the world’s sexiest women has left out Beyonce, for the I don’t know how manyieth time. Actually I do know because I just checked and she has been absent for the last three years.

In 2009 she was included, number 52 in fact, which makes me wonder…

What did she do to anger the Maxim editors? I’m thinking they recently asked her to be on the cover and she rudely shunned them.

She waved her diva finger, said “No No No” and cited some devout Christian hoohaw about lewd magazines. Really I have no clue, but if Amanda Knox, Stephen Colbert, and Lois Griffin are there, Mrs. Carter should be too.

Women of color who weren’t given the cold shoulder: Rihanna, Zoë Saldaña, Nicki Minaj, La La Anthony, and Eddie Murphy’s daughter, Bria.  Continue reading “Beyonce Excluded From Maxim Hot 100, Again”

Britney Spears Still Loves Diet Coke And Chicken

A list of Britney Spears’ X-Factor list of backstage demands for her dressing room and apparently, mini-picnic has been released. Here are the items, in all their transparent albino trash glory…

  • 34 Herve Leger dresses (made of stretchy fabric)
  • 12 Snickers bars
  • 6 cases of Diet Coke
  • 10 bags of Doritos
  • 12 vases of magnolia blossoms
  • 4 pints of potato salad
  • 10 pieces of chicken

I would say that I couldn’t make this up if I tried, but it’s really not that unpredictable.  Continue reading “Britney Spears Still Loves Diet Coke And Chicken”

Tips For Making An Excellent Horror Film

1. Don’t kill anyone right away, and if you do, don’t kill anyone else for at least 30 minutes. Build-up is vital unless you’re Eli Roth, and even Hostel wasn’t an immediate bloodbath.

2. Don’t be afraid to show the killer, ghost, or creature.
Halloween and The Strangers proved that long, straight-on shots of the pursuer can be very effective.

“Pop-ups” can be fun but ultimately pander to a cheap crowd. If you want your movie to hold up over time, don’t be The Messengers/every other movie.

3. Don’t put Asians, black people, jerks, sluts, virgins or stoners in your movie just to kill them off or to have a “token” character. A horror fan needs to be able to relate to and have sympathy for everyone, not just one person. When you do that, you make it too clear who is going to live and who is going to die. Continue reading “Tips For Making An Excellent Horror Film”

JWoww Wants Ulysses S. Grant (P.I.L.F.)

Jenni “Jwoww” Farley isn’t any different from her Jersey Shore castmates – she loves attention. And she succeeded with the “P.I.L.F.” list she posted to her website in honor of the few leaders of our country that are supposedly not blindingly old and homely.

Here’s the list plus reasons for her decisions:

1. Ulysses S. Grant. I heard he was an alchoholic. Sounds like he liked to party! He kinda looks like that actor Kevin Kline, right? LOL.  Continue reading “JWoww Wants Ulysses S. Grant (P.I.L.F.)”

The Ten Most Shocking Britney Spears Lyrics

Britney Spears and her team of songwriters (Max Martin and the like) are masterminds at writing extremely provocative pop songs accompanied by distractingly radio friendly music.

Ever since her cultural birth in 1998 she’s pushed the boundaries of her handcrafted virginal image with song content, live shows and videos – all injected with heavy doses of unsubtle sexuality.

Ever since “Email My Heart” I’ve been thinking about how absurd and hilarious her music really is. She didn’t begin to truly “shock” the bubblegum crowd until her third CD, Britney, where she took a noteworthy but juvenile stab at swearing. (“Hell” on “I’m a Slave For You”)

Continue reading “The Ten Most Shocking Britney Spears Lyrics”

Beyonce And Jay-Z Add To The Off-Kilter Baby Name Trend

Hopefully you all aren’t relying on me to report on every happening in the celebrity world, or else you are missing a lot. I just can’t be responsible for that, I mean, I’d like to not be entirely to blame for vacuuming away all your brain cells and mine as well. I know you heard that Beyonce had her baby, that’s why I didn’t write about it.

I also know that people are making a slight stink about the name “Blue Ivy Carter” but it’s really not that bad if you take others into consideration. The real problem is that it’s adding to a trend that has gotten more than just out of control. This isn’t just like those rose bushes outside Sleeping Beauty’s vacation home. You know, the ones that Maleficent lady forgot to trim, probably because of her skin condition.

Continue reading “Beyonce And Jay-Z Add To The Off-Kilter Baby Name Trend”

Jennifer Aniston Named ‘Hottest Woman’ By Men’s Health

Men’s Health has named Jennifer Aniston the hottest woman of all time, in a list of 100 women. Trailing just behind her are Raquel Welch, Marilyn Monroe, Britney Spears and Madonna.

Not that it matters, but I 100% back this decision, Jennifer Aniston is not only hot, but comedically amazing. Angelina Jolie’s non-inclusion in the top five must have made her smirk a little bit.

Mila Kunis’s placing at number 96 was also a tad suspect. What the fuck, Men’s Health. Also, no Rihanna or Zoe Saldana.

Continue reading “Jennifer Aniston Named ‘Hottest Woman’ By Men’s Health”

Adele’s List Of Tour Bus Requirements Leaked

A document containing Adele’s exact requirements for her tour bus and dressing room was obtained by The Smoking Gun, revealing several interesting choices such as a request for strictly European beer and wine (“North American beer is NOT acceptable”) and no citrus fruits, presumably because they’d irritate her throat.

Odd since it says that “fresh berries” are okay, which are pretty acidic. Also, no tomatoes, vinegar, or chili, again, for the throat issues, but cigarettes, orange juice and chocolate are fine? Tsk tsk.

She also specifically wants non-organic honey and an assortment of chewing gum, plus a chicken salad sandwich.

Continue reading “Adele’s List Of Tour Bus Requirements Leaked”

Detroit Is The Most Obese State

I’m not just winging out random assumptions, Detroit, Michigan has been officially named the fattest city in America. By fattest, they mean it has the highest rates of obesity (a whopping 33%) and heart disease. This data comes from the Center For Disease Control, and Prevention Magazine, but other sites list it a little differently.

Men’s Health Magazine ranks Corpus Christi, TX as number one, while Ask Men says it’s Las Vegas, Nevada. I tend to believe the CDC’s numbers. Want to hear the rest of the top eight? They’re pretty much all in the South. Basically it’s a miracle if you’re from the South and never had a steak-related stroke.

Continue reading “Detroit Is The Most Obese State”