Stories I’m Too Lazy to Write About 1-16-15


Lorde is a drunk because of Taylor Swift. (Jezebel)

Tap your foot to Sleater Kinney’s “No Cities to Love.” (Spin)

Man reunited with dog after 4 years of agony. (Reddit)

Business is booming for professional bridesmaids. (Pix 11)

Jamie Lynn Spears is good with knives under pressure. (TMZ)

People will hate you less if you whack it on the daily. (Evil Beet)

Ian Somerhalder is really, really off the market. (E! News)

Victim’s case almost solid enough to send Cosby to jail. (Gawker)

Miley Cyrus took a shower. (Refinery 29)

Video: Taylor Swift – “Blank Space”

In “Blank Spaces,” we are reminded that even the most “hardcore” version of Taylor Swift makes about as many waves as a grain of salt in a bathtub.

With its use of Swift’s real-life pet – the splendiferously fluffy Olivia Benson – horses, golf clubs and a male model, “Blank Spaces” is a 12-year-old’s version of a revenge video.
  
She really dented the shit out of that guy’s car and killed the fuck out of that cake.

I would have liked to see a Lorde cameo. Like busting out from behind a bush freak-dancing with lighting bolts coming out of her head (all her power comes from her hair), but she’s too busy covering sexy R&B songs to bother.  Continue reading “Video: Taylor Swift – “Blank Space””

Stories I’m Too Lazy To Write About [11-8-14]

 
Lorde turns 300, releases Katniss-approved “Yellow Flicker Beat” video. (E! Online)

Summer of 2015 is the summer of (legal) WEED! (Oregon Live)

Kim Jong-Un oblivious to stuffed animal sex. (Mashable)

Fraulein Minaj rallies Nazi Breezy, Nazi Weezy and Nazi Drizzy. (Jezebel)

Keira Knightley is all statement and no shirt photoshop. (Mic)

Duggar daughter caught banging husband in Church. (Gawker)

Non-Duggar caught whacking it in police station with Wheat Thins. (Concourse)

Weird Al Parodies Robin Thicke, Iggy Azalea, Pharrell AND Lorde All In One Week

Weird al royals parodyIn 1996, after hearing a spot-on parody of “Gangster’s Paradise” on the radio, I bought a glorious tape by the man who wrote it, called Bad Hair Day. It didn’t change my life, but it was funny. I all but forgot about Weird Al until 2006’s brilliant comeback, Straight Outta Lynwoodbut the admiration never left.

The thing to respect about Yankovic besides his work ethic (he just dropped his 14th album), is that he’d rather go for a “poke in the ribs than a punch in the face,” which isn’t easy. Just ask any comedian.

Continue reading “Weird Al Parodies Robin Thicke, Iggy Azalea, Pharrell AND Lorde All In One Week”

Lorde, Kim Gordon and Joan Jett Fronted Nirvana, then Courtney Love Hugged Dave Grohl

Courtney Love Dave Grohl hug The Rock and Roll Induction proceeded on Thursday in Brooklyn and that band calling themselves Nirvana stole the show. The most surprising moment wasn’t when Lorde got awkward with “All Apologies” or that Annie Clark from St. Vincent was the best of the worst weirdest with her vocal rendition of “Lithium” (better than Joan Jett and Kim Gordon on “Smells Like Teen Spirit” and “Aneurysm”), it was when Courtney Love gave Dave Grohl a giant hug, thus (hopefully) squashing their horrendous feud.

Over the years, Love has sued Grohl (and Krist Novoselic) multiple times over copyright issues, called him an “asshole” and accusing him being ultra skeezy with Frances Bean, who was sadly absent from the ceremony and missed her mother’s heartwarming moment of sanity.

Continue reading “Lorde, Kim Gordon and Joan Jett Fronted Nirvana, then Courtney Love Hugged Dave Grohl”

New Best Friends Lorde and Taylor Swift go Shopping, Hold Hands on the Beach

Taylor Swift and lorde holding hands
Photos of Taylor Swift and Lorde frolicking on the beach and shopping for something other than good sense and dancing abilities indicate that the two songwriters are becoming close friends.
Via Us Weekly, who called the pair this generation’s “Thelma and Louise” (oh God):

Swift Instagrammed a photo with her new bestie with the caption, “Bare feet in the sand on Saturday.”

The fast friends appeared to be coordinating their outfits, with dark bottoms, button-up tops, and shades.

It looks like Swift may have had a fun sleep over with the New Zealand native in her multi-million dollar Beverly Hills mansion. Because on Sunday, Feb. 23, they were spotted out and about together for a second time, this time shopping in L.A.’s star-friendly Brentwood neighborhood.

Taylor Swift and Lorde shoe shoppingSPL706561_016
An unlikely pair? Maybe not so much. They’re both human girls under the age of 25 who, uh, make music that falls in the loosely defined “pop” genre. Swift is as much of a serial bestie as she is a dater…

And think about it, she could be her mentor and warn her of the woes of dating John Mayer. (Perhaps she’s revised that “Dear John” hate speech that failed to work on Katy Perry.)  Continue reading “New Best Friends Lorde and Taylor Swift go Shopping, Hold Hands on the Beach”

Best Pop, Rock, Rap and Indie Albums of 2013

Halcyon Days, Ellie Goulding

Key tracks: “Burn,” “Under Control,” “How Long Will I Love You,” “Midas Touch,” “Flashlight” feat. DJ Fresh

Pure Heroine, Lorde

Key tracks: “Royals,” “Team,” “White Teeth Teens,” “Tennis Court”

Heartthrob, Tegan and Sara

Key tracks: “Closer,” “I Was A Fool,” “I Couldn’t Be Your Friend,” “Goodbye, Goodbye”

Cupid Deluxe, Blood Orange

Key tracks: “You’re Not Good Enough,” “Always Let U Down,” “It Is What It Is,” “Chosen”

Ciara, Ciara

Key tracks: “I’m Out” feat. Nicki Minaj, “Read My Lips,” “Backseat Love”

Days Are Gone, Haim

Key tracks: “Don’t Save Me,” “Falling,” “Forever”

Lightning Bolt, Pearl Jam

Key tracks: “Getaway,” “Lightning Bolt,” “My Father’s Son”

The 20/20 Experience, Justin Timberlake

Key Tracks: “Mirrors,” “Suit & Tie” feat. Jay-Z, “Body Count,” “TKO”

The Bones Of What You Believe, Chvrches

Key tracks: “Recover,” “The Mother We Share,” “Gun”

Long. Live. A$AP, A$AP Rocky

Key tracks: “1 Train” feat. Kendrick Lamar, Yelawolf, & Big K.R.I.T, “Fashion Killa,” “Fuckin’ Problems” feat. Drake, 2 Chainz & Kendrick Lamar

Night Time, My Time, Sky Ferreira

Key tracks: “Nobody Asked Me If I Was Okay,” “Boys,” “I Blame Myself”

Free The Universe, Major Lazer

Key tracks: “You’re No Good” feat. Santigold, Danielle Haim & Yasmin, “Get Free” feat. Amber Coffman, “Scare Me” feat. Peaches & Timberlee, “Bubble Butt” feat. Bruno Mars, Tyga & Mystic

Bitter Rivals, Sleigh Bells

Key tracks: “You Don’t Get Me Twice,” “Bitter Rivals,” “Love Sick”

Trouble, Natalia Kills

Key Tracks: “Problem,” “Saturday Night,” “Stop Me”

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Honorable mentions: Don’t Look Down, Skylar Grey, Nothing Was The Same, Drake, Beyoncé, Beyoncé, Weekend, The Sounds, My Name Is My Name, Pusha T, Yeezus, Kanye West, Delta Machine, Depeche Mode, The Marshall Mathers LP 2, Eminem



Video: Lorde – “Team”

Lorde JUST turned 17, probably wrote the majority of the songs from her debut when she was like 12 because she’s some sort of chart-topping genius and is generally amazing.

“Team” is as good as anything from Pure Heroine, and Lorde (pronounced “Lord,” real name: Ella Yelich-O’Connor) and her friends drink out of milk cartons and bounce around in boat yards in the video.

She’s actually so insanely popular that “Team” crashed the living crap out of YouTube.