First Non-Oscured Photos Of Snooki’s Hairy Baby!

Snooki sold her soul to MTV, and now she has sold her baby to People Magazine. Photos of her baby, Lorenzo Dominic LaValle, that is. Looks like your run-of-the-mill half-Chilean half-Italian baby to me…

Nicole even put some tiny red white and green shoes on the little meatball to represent her adopted parents and husband’s heritage.  Continue reading “First Non-Oscured Photos Of Snooki’s Hairy Baby!”

Cloudy With A 200% Chance Of Meatballs: Snooki Had A Baby!

Last I heard, Nicole Polizzi was in a hospital in lovely Livingston, New Jersey giving birth to a penne noodle covered in orange sauce. No, she isn’t battling a severe bout of dysentery or opening a Chinese/Italian fusion restaurant…

By now (seven days before labor day), Snooki and her 5’3″ off-duty lifeguard Jionni have welcomed a baby juicehead named Lorenzo into the world!

I imagine that everyone’s favorite sausage in a leopard-print dress is flashing a camera in her baby’s sensitive placental expulsion-covered face with intentions to sell the photos to People or Us Weekly in exchange for gumball machine coins.

I Think We Have A Situation… It’s A Boy!

The vodka prenatal vitamin guzzling queen of the Jersey Shore has sold her “big Snooki interview” (as they not-so-subtly stamped on their cover) to In Touch where she revealed the sex of her baby with Jionni LaValle.

Now, depending on dominant genes, this baby could end up looking like either Mark Consuelos (he’s half-Italian half-Latino just like their baby will be), or James Gandolfini, just because.

Their baby could grow up to be so many things… a firefighter like Snooki’s dad, a wrestler like Jionni’s relatives or a reality television star, like mom.

“Everyone said I was going to have a boy, and they were right!” Snooki told the magazine. “I thought it was going to be a girl. I was hoping it would be, because all girls want girls, it’s still my baby, no matter what.” The couple is deciding on two names – Lorenzo or Jionni Jr.  Continue reading “I Think We Have A Situation… It’s A Boy!”