Perez Hilton and Lady Gaga Are Enemies Now, Blame Madonna

Perez Hilton Lady GagaLady Gaga revealed on Twitter that celebrity-blogger-turned-celebrity Perez Hilton is no longer her inside man. On Friday she let her followers in on when and why they had a falling out, and it’s pretty scandalous, not to mention unforgivable.

Apparently, on the day that she injured her hip so badly that the cartilage was “just hanging out,” Perez sent her a photo of the word “KARMA” and Madonna pointing a gun at her.

I don’t give a fuck if Perez is forced to worship at the alter of Madonna over Cher, Gaga, Celine Dion and anyone else for forever because Madge will break both his hips and arms with some sort of button in her evil organic lotion chamber (or maybe just a stare?), if he doesn’t. That’s messed up. AND now he’s stalking her…  Continue reading “Perez Hilton and Lady Gaga Are Enemies Now, Blame Madonna”

Madonna’s Brother Lives Under a Bridge in Michigan

Anthony Ciccone Madonna Madonna’s older brother Anthony Ciccone has not only been homeless for 18 months, but he sleeps under the Union St. Bridge in Traverse City, Michigan (250 miles north of Detroit).

The Daily Mail caught up with 56-year-old Ciccone, an alcoholic and drug addict who lost his job at his family’s vineyard and winery after he was found drinking “straight from the vats.”

“I never loved her in the first place, she never loved me,” a visibly weathered Anthony said of his pop star sister, adding “She doesn’t give a shit if I’m dead or alive. She lives in her own world.”

The queen of the world isn’t the only one ignoring Anthony. His own father, 80-year-old Silvio Ciccone refuses to help his son until he stops drinking. (Madonna paid for him to enter rehab six years ago.)

Continue reading “Madonna’s Brother Lives Under a Bridge in Michigan”

Madonna Seduces Anderson Cooper Using Boy Scout Uniform

Madonna kissing Anderson Cooper Madonna managed to cram a few compliments into her GLAAD Awards speech aimed at everything from knowing how to pitch a tent (because who hasn’t “camped” with Madonna), to anger at the Boy Scouts and everyone else who’s still on the fence (a “sharp” one, she hopes) about equality.

Compliments not about herself, but Vito Russo Award recipient Anderson Cooper, who she called “an excellent journalist with the most beautiful blue eyes.”

“You are a badass motherf*cker. And you are brave and the world needs more people like you, K? Amen,” Madge preached. Later, Cooper snuck in a kiss, because flattery will get you everywhere.

Madonna is ‘Addicted’ To Sweat, And Instagram!

Madonna wig InstagramMadonna just joined Instagram and has already started hazing herself. In the first photo, Madge wears a Bettie Page wig with a peculiar orange tint and a simple “Cheers motherf*ckers! I’m on instagram.”

One commentator wrote that she looked like “an aardvark sucking up ants,” but I disagree…

Lady Gaga looks nothing like an aardvark.

She ditched the alcoholic drink in her second picture for a breezy, cucumber-infused shot of semen. Semen that she claimed was sweat. Sweat that she is “addicted to.” (If you’re immature and you know it and you really wanna show it KEEP REPLACING “SWEAT” WITH “SEMEN.”)  Continue reading “Madonna is ‘Addicted’ To Sweat, And Instagram!”

Prince Tells Billboard Why He’s More Precious Than Madonna, Maroon 5 and Everyone Else

Prince billboard cover 2013Gail Mitchell is the senior editor for Billboard, specializing in R&B. Gail was recently given the task (or perhaps no one else would take it) of interviewing Prince.

On one hand it’s an honor and a once of a lifetime opportunity because he rarely speaks to reporters, on the other, he’s a tool. Such a tool in fact that he disallowed Mitchell from recording the conversation because she’s [obviously] going to sell his voice for her own personal gain, and frowned at her for taking notes because it’s rude, “just like texting.”

Mitchell recalled from memory Prince’s comments about his former label mate Madonna (who called him a “little troll” in 1994):

It was always about Madonna. She was getting paid, but at the same time we were selling more records and selling out concerts on multiple nights.  Continue reading “Prince Tells Billboard Why He’s More Precious Than Madonna, Maroon 5 and Everyone Else”

Madonna’s Kids and Boyfriend Ski Circles Around Her Corpse

Madonna skiiingNew York Daily News has photos of Madonna tumbling down the slopes at a ski resort in Switzerland like a bag of gluten-free Snickerdoodles.

Her daughter Lourdes and 25-year-old boytoy Brahim (almost the same age as Crystal Harris) watched from afar as their mama ate snow, not laughing at all (because if they did, she’d shut them in her hyperbaric chamber with Elton John and Guy Ritchie).  Continue reading “Madonna’s Kids and Boyfriend Ski Circles Around Her Corpse”

Concert Nearly Cancelled After Extreme Winds Blow Cigarette Smoke into Madonna’s Face

Madonna Chile 2012 1Madonna threatened to cancel a concert in Santiago, Chile on a rainy Wednesday night if fans at the sound check continued blowing cigarette smoke in her face.

“If you’re going to smoke cigarettes, I’m not doing a show,” she screeched as cracks permeated through her skin like the ground after an earthquake. “You don’t care about me? I don’t care about you. All right? Are we going to play that game? I’m not kidding. I can’t sing if you smoke.”

The most frightening part was when Vag Donna, in a menacing black hoodie, said “WHERE ARE THEY SMOKING?” as she tried to seek out and punish the fag-loving Chileans. Continue reading “Concert Nearly Cancelled After Extreme Winds Blow Cigarette Smoke into Madonna’s Face”

Do Michelle Obama and Madonna Belong on a List of the 25 ‘Least Influential’ People?

GQ just released their list of various politicians, sports figures, musicians and Hollywood figures who they consider to be the least influential, and there are more than a few inclusions that just don’t sit right.

Amanda Bynes and Gotye: yes, Michelle Obama, hell no.

Forget that she’s the first lady, Mrs. O is actually somebody worth idolizing.

Seeing that her entry (number seven) is accompanied by a picture of her snarfing down Haagen Daz straight out of the container in a bath robe, it’s clear that the compiler of this list merely dislikes her vendetta against fast food.  Continue reading “Do Michelle Obama and Madonna Belong on a List of the 25 ‘Least Influential’ People?”

Stories I’m Too Lazy To Write About [11-1-12]

Madonna has almost nothing to say about her pop star cohorts. (ohmyGAHH)

Kanye, get your lotion… Kim Kardashian might have a second sex tape. (Fox News)

Tim Tebow is dating The Quiet (watch it!!) star Camilla Belle. (TMZ)

TONIGHT ON MTV: joint Kristen Stewart and Robert Pattinson interview. (Evil Beet)

Lady Gaga‘s new CD ARTPOP will have a song called “G.U.Y. (Girl Under You).” (Idolator)

Watch the first Wii U Commercial and report back to me. (Kotaku)

Dubstep song featuring Miley Cyrus has me convinced of the Mayan apocalypse. (ONTD!)

‘A League Of Their Own’ Director Penny Marshall Says Madonna Was ‘Too Cut’

Laverne & Shirley actress, director, and author of the new book My Mother Was Nuts Penny Marshall visited Chelsea Lately on September 26, 2012 and quickly discussed her iconic movie A League Of Their Own, specifically Madonna‘s arms.

“She was in great shape, she just came with a trainer, I said ‘you’ve gotta stop, your arms shouldn’t be this cut in 1943. They didn’t work out that much, they were in the kitchen,” she told Chelsea Handler in her signature glasses.

On the friendship between Rosie O’Donnell and Madonna (who played the swing dancing Mae Mordabito and wrote the movie’s theme song “This Used to Be My Playground” in 1992), Marshall said:

Continue reading “‘A League Of Their Own’ Director Penny Marshall Says Madonna Was ‘Too Cut’”

Madonna Forgives Elton John, Calls Him ‘A Big Fan’ Of Hers

Madonna is “forgiving” Elton John for calling her a nightmarish fairground stripper cunt, mostly because she simply cannot believe that anyone could ever hate her.

Ms. Ciccone dedicated the song “Masterpiece” to her former friend at a concert in France on Tuesday night. She told the crowd,

“I know he’s a big fan of it. And I know he’s a big fan of mine. And you know? I forgive him. Gotta start somewhere.”

If you didn’t already know, dedicating the track that won Best Original Song at the Golden Globes over John’s Gnomeo and Juliet contribution to him is yet another not-so sly uppercut to the face of anyone who stands in her way.  Continue reading “Madonna Forgives Elton John, Calls Him ‘A Big Fan’ Of Hers”

Stories I’m Too Lazy To Write About [8-11-12]

Paris Hilton spritzes Snoop Dogg with perfume, gives him a purse. (Idolator)

NBC’s Olympic “Bodies In Motion” video gives new meaning to “bow chicka wow wow.” [Jezebel]

Madonna looks like she’s been taking fashion advice from Taylor Momsen [Entertainment Wise]

Naked Australian surrounded by sharks [Daily Mail]

Mayor of Reykjavík attends gay pride parade as member of Pussy Riot. (Iceland Review)

Guess who looks happy in Marie Claire? Kristen Stewart, of course. [Us Weekly]

Kourtney Kardashian covered her baby with a sheet. [E! Online]

Everybody loves bouncing Dong [Miami Herald]

Jessica Simpson’s dad Joe got a DUI. (Huffington Post)

Marilyn Manson wrote “fuck” on his neck and face. I’m surprised if you are. (Gawker)

Saudi Arabia doesn’t care about female Saudi Arabian athletes. (Yahoo!)

Elton John Calls Madonna ‘A Fairground Stripper,’ Uses C-Word (Career, And That Other One)

Elton John spoke out against his former friend and recent arch nemesis Madonna to the Australian news show Sunday Night, bashing MDNA and its accompanying tour.

“She’s such a nightmare. Sorry, her career is over. Her tour has been a disaster and it couldn’t happen to a bigger cunt,” he said during a backstage interview with Molly Meldrum.

“If Madonna had any common sense she would have made a record like Ray of Light and stayed away from the dance stuff and just been a great pop singer and make great pop records, which she does brilliantly. But no, she had to go and prove…she looks like a fucking fairground stripper. She’s been so horrible to Gaga.” 

Continue reading “Elton John Calls Madonna ‘A Fairground Stripper,’ Uses C-Word (Career, And That Other One)”

Madonna’s Tour Truck Takes A Spill

A truck carrying equipment for Madonna‘s MDNA tour pulled a Super Bowl XLVI when it overturned in Sweden on its way to Ullevi Stadium for a concert that should take place later today.

No one was killed but a few cars were damaged, one person was injured, and traffic was blocked. Or, as Madonna would have said if she were there, “WHY AREN’T YOU LOOKING AT ME?!”

I like to imagine that some nice Swedish woman was walking around sightseeing and was suddenly hit in the pointy pale face by a metal wedding dress or a bag of white top hats but pictures seem to indicate that it was just a bunch of boring speakers.  Continue reading “Madonna’s Tour Truck Takes A Spill”

Celebrity Reactions To Madonna’s Pterodactyl Nip

Madonna flashed her nipple in Istanbul, Turkey, on June 7 while performing “Human Nature” and everyone seems to have their own opinion on the matter. Either she’s too old, desperate and gross or people are too uptight, and it’s no surprise.

I think there are no 53 year-old nipple anywhere in existence that I’m interested in seeing. And it is desperate, she’s a mom. That “Oops!..I Did It Again” face is as old as the mammary gland itself.

Here’s what a few fellow celebs had to say about Madonna’s MDNA tour stunt:

“There is nothing sexual about that titty and that shoulder. That’s an old titty…I guess she thinks it’s sexy…Looks like a beanbag with a nipple, that breast.”   -Howard Stern  Continue reading “Celebrity Reactions To Madonna’s Pterodactyl Nip”

Abbie Cornish Is Charlize Theron, Sometimes

I have a confession. I watched Madonna’s W.E. and liked it. My friend forced me to, insisting that it was really good (he also got me to like John Carter). After hearing that it was a steaming pile of zoo waste, I was surprised to actually enjoy it.

I paid attention, quite a rarity. I also found myself thinking ‘Wow, I didn’t know Charlize Theron was in this.’ Then in true crazy person form I corrected myself, knowing all along that it was Stop-Loss’ Abbie Cornish.

You know her, she’s the one who [allegedly] ruined Ryan Phillippe’s marriage. I wanted to be all #TeamReese #KillCornish or whatever but I actually like her and think she’s a decent actress.

Continue reading “Abbie Cornish Is Charlize Theron, Sometimes”