Luke Perry Would Hypothetically Marry Donna, Shag Kelly and Kill Brenda

Beverly Hills 90210 memeIf you were ever wondering which Beverly Hills 90210 cast members Luke Perry would put a ring on, bone and murder, the answers are here.

Perry visited Watch What Happens Live on Tuesday when a caller presented him with the question and options.

“I’d marry Tori because I told her dad I’d look out for her,” Perry chivalrously replied. “That’s the best way for me to do that. I’d kill Shannen, because she’d want me to. And that’s the only reason.”

Then he grinned and asked “What was the other one?” fully knowing that he wanted to make Jennie Garth forget about Peter Facinelli by hypnotizing her with his forehead and penis wrinkles.

I assume talented, real-life and onscreen witch Shannen would “want” Luke to kill her because the hatred is mutual, and marriage or sex with him would melt her skin like a bucket filled with black licorice, Chris Brown and a Cabin in the Woods DVD would melt mine.

Chinese Businessman Offers $65 Million To Any “Kind-Hearted Man” Who Will Marry His Lesbian Daughter

Notorious lothario and Hong Kong shipping tycoon Cecil Chao is willing to cough up $65 million dollars to the first man that he deems worthy of marrying his daughter.

Here’s the thing, his daughter, 33-year-old Gigi Chao, is a lesbian who has been in a committed relationship with her partner for seven years. She’s also begging her father to “rescind the notice” for his “family’s sanity’s sake.”

Chao senior has reportedly received thousands of proposals.

“People send me letters, emails and faxes. I haven’t had time to read them yet. I’ll have to discuss it with Gigi,” Cecil told the South China Morning Post newspaper.  Continue reading “Chinese Businessman Offers $65 Million To Any “Kind-Hearted Man” Who Will Marry His Lesbian Daughter”