The Ongoing Mystery of Solange and Jay-Z’s Elevator Fight, As Told By Other Websites


I can’t even begin to guess why Beyoncé’s [arguably more hip] younger sister Solange went all windmill arms on Jay-Z in an elevator, or why Beyoncé stood by and watched like a stone cold statue. Most believe Jay-Z wronged Beyoncé in some way and Solange is simply more confrontational or psychiatrically unstable than her sister.

Here’s a timeline of events, as told by other sites, to help us all understand:

The Solange Knowles–Jay Z Elevator Fight Video Just Broke Twitter (Buzzfeed)
Solange Deleted Almost Every Photo of Beyoncé From Her Instagram (Jezebel)
Beyoncé Vomited Old Solange Photos All Over Her Instagram This Morning (Gawker)
After elevator brawl, Jay Z and Solange Knowles go jewelry shopping (Washington Post)
Jay Z & Beyonce UNITED FRONT At Brooklyn Nets Game (TMZ)
Solange street fighter meme
Solange Knowles attacked Jay Z in elevator ‘after he got too close to designer Rachel Roy at Met Gala’ (Daily Mail)

Continue reading “The Ongoing Mystery of Solange and Jay-Z’s Elevator Fight, As Told By Other Websites”

Gwyneth Paltrow and Her Freshly-Mowed Bush Hated The Met Gala

Gwyneth Paltrow bored Met GalaGwyneth Paltrow got a little tipsy and divulged her true feelings about the Met Gala and many other things. Paltrow was hilariously honest with Jackie O and Kyle, telling the radio hosts that the Gala was staler than Nicole Richie’s pre-weight loss Taco Bell farts. This due to a Kanye West tempter tantrum, elderly people dressing like punks, and an identity mishap involving Psy.

Do you want me to be honest? It sucked. It seems like the best thing in the world. You think, ‘Oh my god, it’s going to be so glamorous and amazing, and you’re going to see all these famous people.’ And then you get there, and it’s so hot, and so crowded, and everyone’s pushing you. This year it was really intense. It wasn’t fun!

Here’s the part about 99% of the population, including celebs, not knowing punk from Top 40:

Everyone was dressed in punk … and I feel that we’re all a bit old to be dressed punk, you know what I mean? I didn’t. I just went kind of normal.  Continue reading “Gwyneth Paltrow and Her Freshly-Mowed Bush Hated The Met Gala”

Tiger Woods Acts a Fool, Turns Into Cross-Eyed Mongoloid With a Wine Cooler Addiction

Tiger Woods drunk faceProfessional ball-slapper Tiger Woods showed the world his drunk face during a Met Gala after-party at the Standard Hotel in New York.

Girlfriend/pro slope hitter Lindsey Vonn looked both amused and embarrassed as she led his wobbly baby deer legs and bouncing pinball eyes through the crowds of press and fellow celebs.

The succession of photos tell a story. First, he realizes he’s lost control of the muscles in his face and body and his last drunken resort is to not change his expression. Eyes and mouth open. Show some teeth. Maybe they won’t notice…

Then he gives up. Everyone knows he’s wasted. The bloodshot eyes and wax figure pose did more than hint at that. They’re onto me. JESUS Lindsey, get me home before Elin sees. 

Continue reading “Tiger Woods Acts a Fool, Turns Into Cross-Eyed Mongoloid With a Wine Cooler Addiction”

Best and Worst Dressed at the 2013 Met Gala

beyonce-met-gala 2013
Does the Met Gala serve a purpose, besides as a platform for celebs to outdo each other with extravagant designer gowns doused in gems that cost more than a box of black market livers?

WHO CARES. Look at the gold Givenchy dress Beyonce wore and weep poor-person tears.
Miley Cyrus Met Gala 2012Kristen Stewart Met Gala 2013
WORST: Miley Cyrus (in meshy Marc Jacobs) and Kristen Stewart (in Stella McCartney).

Red pajamas and hair like Angelica’s Rugrats doll? It’s not their fault. Everyone at the ball dressed like a urinal at CBGB because it was the opening of the PUNK: Chaos to Couture exhibition.
Rooney Mara GivenchyTaylor Swift Met Gala 2013
BEST: Rooney Mara (in Givenchy) and Taylor Swift (in J. Mendel). CLICK for more insane dresses…