Gwyneth Paltrow and Her Freshly-Mowed Bush Hated The Met Gala

Gwyneth Paltrow bored Met GalaGwyneth Paltrow got a little tipsy and divulged her true feelings about the Met Gala and many other things. Paltrow was hilariously honest with Jackie O and Kyle, telling the radio hosts that the Gala was staler than Nicole Richie’s pre-weight loss Taco Bell farts. This due to a Kanye West tempter tantrum, elderly people dressing like punks, and an identity mishap involving Psy.

Do you want me to be honest? It sucked. It seems like the best thing in the world. You think, ‘Oh my god, it’s going to be so glamorous and amazing, and you’re going to see all these famous people.’ And then you get there, and it’s so hot, and so crowded, and everyone’s pushing you. This year it was really intense. It wasn’t fun!

Here’s the part about 99% of the population, including celebs, not knowing punk from Top 40:

Everyone was dressed in punk … and I feel that we’re all a bit old to be dressed punk, you know what I mean? I didn’t. I just went kind of normal.  Continue reading “Gwyneth Paltrow and Her Freshly-Mowed Bush Hated The Met Gala”

Tiger Woods Acts a Fool, Turns Into Cross-Eyed Mongoloid With a Wine Cooler Addiction

Tiger Woods drunk faceProfessional ball-slapper Tiger Woods showed the world his drunk face during a Met Gala after-party at the Standard Hotel in New York.

Girlfriend/pro slope hitter Lindsey Vonn looked both amused and embarrassed as she led his wobbly baby deer legs and bouncing pinball eyes through the crowds of press and fellow celebs.

The succession of photos tell a story. First, he realizes he’s lost control of the muscles in his face and body and his last drunken resort is to not change his expression. Eyes and mouth open. Show some teeth. Maybe they won’t notice…

Then he gives up. Everyone knows he’s wasted. The bloodshot eyes and wax figure pose did more than hint at that. They’re onto me. JESUS Lindsey, get me home before Elin sees. 

Continue reading “Tiger Woods Acts a Fool, Turns Into Cross-Eyed Mongoloid With a Wine Cooler Addiction”

Best and Worst Dressed at the 2013 Met Gala

beyonce-met-gala 2013
Does the Met Gala serve a purpose, besides as a platform for celebs to outdo each other with extravagant designer gowns doused in gems that cost more than a box of black market livers?

WHO CARES. Look at the gold Givenchy dress Beyonce wore and weep poor-person tears.
Miley Cyrus Met Gala 2012Kristen Stewart Met Gala 2013
WORST: Miley Cyrus (in meshy Marc Jacobs) and Kristen Stewart (in Stella McCartney).

Red pajamas and hair like Angelica’s Rugrats doll? It’s not their fault. Everyone at the ball dressed like a urinal at CBGB because it was the opening of the PUNK: Chaos to Couture exhibition.
Rooney Mara GivenchyTaylor Swift Met Gala 2013
BEST: Rooney Mara (in Givenchy) and Taylor Swift (in J. Mendel). CLICK for more insane dresses…