Michelle Obama Makes an Otherwise Boring Meeting With the Miami Heat Interesting

Everyone knows Ms. Bama and her husband are super active and into basketball, football, hell, all the ball sports, and during a visit with LeBron James, Dwayne Wade, Ray Allen, coach Erik Spoelstra, 50-year-old Michelle Obama showed impressive jumping and dunking skills in the background of an otherwise boring talk between Wade, Allen and the coach. The toothy faces her and LeBron make after the dunk might have you wishing for a buddy comedy starring the two of them as boisterous siblings or longtime besties coping with adulthood.

Gahhh. Michelle Obama is so fucking adorable. If she wasn’t so obsessed with abolishing fast food / shoving apple slices in everyone’s mouths I would want her to adopt me.

LeBron James Whines Like a Little Girl With a Broken Doll After End of 27-Game Winning Streak

LeBron James post game interviewEgomaniac baby LeBron James is having a hard week. On Wednesday, the Chicago Bulls put an end to the Miami Heat’s lengthy streak – one rivaled only by Wilt Chamberlain’s ’71-’72 Lakers. To add insult to injury, James narrowly avoided having the headband snatched directly off his dome by an eager fan. The disappointed king vented his frustrations in a post-game interview, calling the streak “one of the best this league has ever seen.”

In the locker room, the LeBron I remember from the infamous 2010 press conference appeared, saying things like “Let me calculate my thoughts real fast” and “I don’t know if I like that question.”

Continue reading “LeBron James Whines Like a Little Girl With a Broken Doll After End of 27-Game Winning Streak”

Wladimir Klitschko is Murdering Hayden Panettiere’s Vagina Again

Hayden P boxer boyfriend When considering going through with vagina murder, you don’t book a meeting with an all talk, no-action noob like Amanda Bynes. You want Hayden Panettiere, because she’s a goddamn expert on getting her vagina murdered daily.

On Sunday, 5’2″ Panettiere was spotted at a Miami Heat game making out with her 6’6″ ex-boyfriend, Ukrainian boxer Wladimir Klitschko. To recap, they broke up in 2011 after two years. He said managing a relationship “between two continents” was too difficult.

In actuality, it was because a reverse penis pump had yet to be invented. I mean, can you imagine sex between these two? It’s soul crushing.  Continue reading “Wladimir Klitschko is Murdering Hayden Panettiere’s Vagina Again”