Prince Fielder + EPSN Body Issue = Sexiest Cover of All Time

prince fielder body issue cover prince fielder body issue
Prince Fielder’s bear body and DGAF expression put the naked butts and boobs of fellow 2014 ESPN Body Issue cover models Venus Williams, Marshawn Lynch, [snowboarder] Jamie Anderson, Serge Ibaka and Michael Phelps to shame.

If you don’t want to ravish him on a fur rug, your face is a waste of good eye sockets. 

Continue reading “Prince Fielder + EPSN Body Issue = Sexiest Cover of All Time”

Stories I’m Too Lazy To Write About [9-4-12]

Michael Phelps’ Vegas retirement party looks like fun and/or mayhem. (Celebuzz)

The second Hobbit film is called “The Desolation of Smaug.” (G4)

Hank Williams Jr.’s calls Obama out for hating “cowgirls” in latest rant. (TruthDig)

Learn to use condoms while you’re waiting for your plane to take off. (Gawker)

Nude landform in England is world’s largest. (Yahoo!)

Vote for Betty White to open at Democratic National Convention! (EW)

Stevie Wonder didn’t mean those things he said about Frank Ocean. (Idolator)

Arrested Development creator hints at new Freaks And Geeks seasons. (UPROXX)

Christina Aguilera loves showing her cleavage and having a big ass. (The Hollywood Gossip)

Stories I’m Too Lazy To Write About [8-14-12]

Michael Phelps in a speedo, this time it’s for Louis Vuitton. [SF Gate]

Residents of Bellingham do not want to share their Costco with Canadians. [Huffington Post]

Anderson Cooper and talk show host Andy Cohen are vacationing together. [Gawker]

Be jealous. Everyone in Colorado is skinny. [Yahoo!]

Chad Johnson’s wife beats Kim at short marriage game, divorces after 41 days. [NY Daily News]

Thank you Brad Paisley for knocking Scotty McCreery off the stage. [Us Weekly]

Christina Aguilera has purple(ish) hair. [Reality TV Magazine]

Pennsylvania woman poisons husband with Visine. [The Record Herald]

17-foot-snake discovered in the Everglades (good thing I already had no desire to visit). [L.A. Times]

Rest in peace Welcome Back, Kotter’s Ron Palillo [People]

Woman Causes Media Frenzy After Sitting In Ryan Lochte’s Lap, Turns Out To Be His Sister

You know when you’re at a basketball game with you brother and they start showing that kiss cam, and you’re both silently praying that it doesn’t zoom in on you and create an awkward moment of nothingness that ultimately ends with everyone laughing at you?

Well, that happened to Olympic U.S. swimmer Ryan Lochte after the paparazzi snapped pictures of him and two mysterious women in the back of a car in London… Continue reading “Woman Causes Media Frenzy After Sitting In Ryan Lochte’s Lap, Turns Out To Be His Sister”

Phelps Collects 19th Medal, Has More Than Anyone

Michael Phelps earned his 15th Olympic gold medal on Tuesday night in London when the U.S. men’s team won the 800-meter freestyle. He has 19 medals in total, which is the most of any athlete ever.

Russian gymnast Larisa Latynina, who competed in the 1956, 1960, and 1964 games, formerly held the record at 18, for all-around, teams, floor exercise, vault, bars and balance beam.

Click HERE for a comprehensive list of Phelps’ medals, from his 2004 debut in Athens to now.

Michael Phelps Shoots Daggers At Ryan Lochte After Losing 400 IM

Aquatic nuclear devices flew out of Michael Phelps‘ eyes after he lost to his American teammate Ryan Lochte in the 400 meter individual medley earlier today…

It might be time for King Triton to put his flippers in the storage shed and give up the game.

Continue reading “Michael Phelps Shoots Daggers At Ryan Lochte After Losing 400 IM”

Michael Phelps May Be Suffering From Manorexia

World champion stroker of breasts and ripper of bongs Michael Phelps told Details magazine that he gained 25 pounds after the Beijing Olympics in 2008.

“I wasn’t motivated. I did nothing, literally nothing, for a long time. I gained 25 pounds. A friend of mine and I were playing football on the beach in Miami, and somebody got a picture of us and put it all over the place. And he’s like, ‘Bro, you gotta start working out, man. You are fat.’”

Here’s a picture from the day he’s talking about. If that’s a fat man, we’re in less trouble than I thought we were. There are a lot of really in shape people in America.

He says Stallone’s Rocky II reminded him of his trials and tribulations as an obese lad trying to get back in shape.  Continue reading “Michael Phelps May Be Suffering From Manorexia”