Michelle Obama Makes an Otherwise Boring Meeting With the Miami Heat Interesting

Everyone knows Ms. Bama and her husband are super active and into basketball, football, hell, all the ball sports, and during a visit with LeBron James, Dwayne Wade, Ray Allen, coach Erik Spoelstra, 50-year-old Michelle Obama showed impressive jumping and dunking skills in the background of an otherwise boring talk between Wade, Allen and the coach. The toothy faces her and LeBron make after the dunk might have you wishing for a buddy comedy starring the two of them as boisterous siblings or longtime besties coping with adulthood.

Gahhh. Michelle Obama is so fucking adorable. If she wasn’t so obsessed with abolishing fast food / shoving apple slices in everyone’s mouths I would want her to adopt me.

A [Very] Brief History of Obama Selfies

Obama funeral selfieEven though people have been twerking and taking selfies since before the invention MTV and polaroid cameras, 2013 was the year we gave these occurrences a title that even your most out-of-touch relative might causally drop into a sentence.

Just the other day Obama was called out for taking a “selfie,” (a “self-portrait photograph, typically taken with a hand-held digital camera or camera phone” according to Wiki), at a funeral.

Not just a funeral, but the funeral of Africa’s most beloved icon of peace, equality and freedom: Nelson Mandela.

The Obamas are as American as a family can get, one that often partakes in selfie-taking. For instance, here is one of Michelle with her and Barack’s Portuguese Water Dog Bo…  Continue reading “A [Very] Brief History of Obama Selfies”

Michelle Obama to Appear in Health-Conscious Hip Hop Videos

A slightly misleading but still incredible NME article says “US First Lady Michelle Obama to release hip-hop album.” Don’t get your hopes up too high, internet…

Mich O. won’t actually be singing on said album, she’s just organizing it for educational purposes. You know her deal, getting kids to replace delicious fried food with food that is good for you and tastes like unseasoned gelatinous hippie pit sweat (but at least makes you poop consistently).

Artists included on the compilation Songs For A Healthier America are Darryl ‘DMC’ McDaniels, Travis Barker, Ashanti, Doug E. Fresh, Jordin Sparks and Matisyahu.

Michelle will only be appearing in videos for songs like “U R What You Eat,” “Veggie Luv” and “Everybody” (download for free HERE if you dare and/or care), but I still keep imagining them turning out like this:

(Take it away, Mary Sue / Let his love bust a cap in your butt and say HALLELUJAH!) Or this: Continue reading “Michelle Obama to Appear in Health-Conscious Hip Hop Videos”

Do Michelle Obama and Madonna Belong on a List of the 25 ‘Least Influential’ People?

GQ just released their list of various politicians, sports figures, musicians and Hollywood figures who they consider to be the least influential, and there are more than a few inclusions that just don’t sit right.

Amanda Bynes and Gotye: yes, Michelle Obama, hell no.

Forget that she’s the first lady, Mrs. O is actually somebody worth idolizing.

Seeing that her entry (number seven) is accompanied by a picture of her snarfing down Haagen Daz straight out of the container in a bath robe, it’s clear that the compiler of this list merely dislikes her vendetta against fast food.  Continue reading “Do Michelle Obama and Madonna Belong on a List of the 25 ‘Least Influential’ People?”

The Walking Dead’s Michonne Talks Zombie Stupidity And The First Lady’s M&M’s

Danai Gurira, who plays Michonne on The Walking Dead (which returns on Sunday, October 14), talked about Michelle Obama and why you shouldn’t be afraid of zombies on Attack of the Show’s Tuesday episode.

“You can call Michonne a badass, I just play one on TV,” she told AOTS host of the week Rob Huebel.

On sword training: “It was intense like right after I got the job it was straight into training with it, you know new muscles you don’t realize you have are now screaming and resenting you.”

On outsmarting the undead: “This is what I’ve learnt from Michonne – zombies are the lesser life form, there’s no reason to run from them, there’s no reason to fear them. They’re not smart, you’re smarter.”

Continue reading “The Walking Dead’s Michonne Talks Zombie Stupidity And The First Lady’s M&M’s”

NOBODY Loves Clowns, Especially Not Ones That Diss The First Lady

Nobody loves a clown, but [most] everybody loves Michelle Obama. The only thing Michelle hates out loud are the parents of obese children, but maybe we can now add rodeo clowns to the list?

On Saturday, a professional face-painting, big shoe-wearing clown in Barstow, California made a joke at the 2012 Creston Classic Rodeo about the first lady and it did not go over well.

“Playboy is offering Ann Romney $250,000 to pose in the magazine, and the White House is upset about it because National Geographic only offered Michelle Obama $50 to pose for them,” Mike Hayhurst told the audience over the loudspeaker.

He was unavailable for comment due to asskicking from Michelle Obama being thrown off a bull.

Stories I’m Too Lazy To Write About [9-7-12]

Michelle Obama creates new blue-grey nail polish trend. (Yahoo!)

Burger joint In-N-Out might be racist, two men sue. (Huffington Post)

Khloe Kardashian will likely host X Factor. (E! Online)

Men suck at wearing clothes, here are the worst dressed dudes at the VMAs. (GQ)

Clint Eastwood explains why he talked to an empty chair. (Washington Post)

10 funny/random GIFs of Olivia Wilde. (UPROXX)

Ryan Lochte isn’t the smartest stripper in the dunk tank. (Celebuzz)

NFL star Chris Kluwe sends letter supporting gay marriage to unsupportive politician (Deadspin)

Rihanna called “friends” Drake, Lil’ Wayne, and Nicki Minaj “assholes?” (TMZ)

Michelle Obama Hugged The Entire U.S. Olympic Basketball Team And The Williams Sisters

The cutest thing you’ll ever see besides kittens on YouTube has to be pictures of Michelle Obama hugging the men’s basketball team at the 2012 Olympics. If we’re judging Michelle’s favoritism based on how big she smiled for each player – LeBron James wins.

She looked the least happy to be embracing the Knicks’ Tyson Chandler but the boredom left her face when Kobe and LeBron approached her on Sunday after beating France in the preliminaries.

Continue reading “Michelle Obama Hugged The Entire U.S. Olympic Basketball Team And The Williams Sisters”

Michelle Obama’s White Relatives, Circa 1884

On June 16 the New York Times posted an article delving into the first lady’s white lineage, an expansion of a piece titled “In First Lady’s Roots, A Complex path From Slavery” written in 2009.

Her exact relatives were revealed using DNA testing and research. Joan Tribble, a Georgia was pictured next to her great-great grandfather’s grave.  Continue reading “Michelle Obama’s White Relatives, Circa 1884”

Chanel Exec Karl Lagerfeld Insults Russian Men, Adele, Lana Del Rey & The First Lady

78 year-old Karl Lagerfeld, creative director and head designer for Chanel went on a tirade (with Metro news) that managed to backhandedly insult and compliment Lana Del Rey, pregnant chicks, Adele, all Russian men, the entire Greek and Italian nations plus Michelle Obama’s black ass.

The interview ends with the line, “Be politically correct, but don’t become a bore for that. People should be sensitive in these matters, but not make so much noise. Be politically correct, but do we have to know your opinion?” 

Lana Del Rey’s boobs: “In her photos she is beautiful. Is she a construct with all her implants? She’s not alone with implants.”

Adele’s weight: “The thing at the moment is Adele. She is a little too fat, but she has a beautiful face and a divine voice.” Continue reading “Chanel Exec Karl Lagerfeld Insults Russian Men, Adele, Lana Del Rey & The First Lady”

Michelle Obama Brings Guns To Ellen

My breath isn’t exactly taken away when I find out that Michelle Obama can do more push-ups than Ellen DeGeneres but I am continuously surprised at how amazing she is in general.

The more her husband disappoints me, the more impressed I become with her. Maybe it’s just because she’s so down-to-earth, and hip! At nearly 50 years-old, Mrs. Barack is in better shape than I, at 26.

On a taping set for Thursday she dropped by Ellen’s show and was challenged to a contest of strength. Both women did about 20 push-ups but Michelle O did five more than Ellen and was barely winded. Continue reading “Michelle Obama Brings Guns To Ellen”