Video: Miley Cyrus – “Wrecking Ball”

I received a text the other day asking if I’d seen the Miley video where she is “naked swinging from a ball,” and I hadn’t, so I immediately YouTubed and found this.

And there’s really no twerking in “Wrecking Ball” at all because the adorable little boy with the growth hormones and piercing blue eyes is too busy licking hammers and grinding on the ashes of Tiffany and Sheena Easton and Britney Spears or anyone else who could be held responsible.  Continue reading “Video: Miley Cyrus – “Wrecking Ball””

GIF: Girl Lights Herself On Fire While Twerking

Your new favorite video of the month and possibly the year is out. I don’t know if you saw it yet? Girl twerks against door, door opens, girl falls onto a glass table full of candles and lights her stretchy pants on fire?

Before you make a joke about Miley’s tongue-wagging VMA performance, keep in mind that this is something you’d actually want to re-watch.

Anybody down to twerk by the fries at McDonald’s for a grease fiery sequel on Saturday?

Olivia Wilde Comments on Twerking

Miley cyrus olivia wildeYou know how I feel about twerking. It’s awesome when the one woman goes to Wal-Mart and makes a “twerking by the cakes” video, but if anyone ever says that Miley killed at the VMAs, they’d be referring to the death of the twerk.

Cat eye Drinking Buddies vixen Olivia Wilde had this to say during a Reddit Q&A, after being asked what she would do if she could go back in time and witness any historical event:

“The burning of Joan of Arc. I’d grab her and run and tell her that in the future Miley Cyrus is our saint and Joan must learn the art of twerking.”

Bahahaha. People tend to forget that she’s actually funny when they look at her face, but this is the woman who once said “In a thousand years archeologists will dig up tanning beds and think we fried people as punishment.”  Continue reading “Olivia Wilde Comments on Twerking”

Miley Cyrus Horrified at the VMAs Last Night

Miley Cyrus Beetlejuice Everyone’s talking about Miley Cyrus’ “shocking” performance at the MTV Video Music Awards. Honestly the most horrible thing about it besides her looking like one of those street kids from the 90s who either sucks dicks for five cents or looks like they do as a fashion statement, was the fact that Robin Thicke agreed to let her sing part of his sexy summer anthem “Blurred Lines.”

She really can’t sing at all. She’s basically just a back alley doll that bends over and jiggles when you pull a string in her back.

Oh heyyyy. This one thing is sexual, I better do it so people will pay attention to me. Look at my edgy hair. I’m the next Gwen Stefani! Wooooo, look at me go.

NO. The only good that came out of that performance besides the Vanessa Bayer intro is this photoshop masterpiece of Robin as Beetlejuice getting his dick ground off by her thin white tailbone.  Continue reading “Miley Cyrus Horrified at the VMAs Last Night”

Miley Uses Marc Jacobs Campaign as Excuse to SURPRISE … Get Naked!

Miley cyrus naked t shirt Miley Cyrus will take any paper-thin excuse to be naked and run with it. Like this Marc Jacobs’ “Protect the Skin You’re In “ shirt, to raise awareness for skin cancer.

In my mind, being naked is the opposite of what you should be doing for melanoma. Bitches laying in the sun naked are the problem. I mean the more naked you are the more it’s like a magnifying glass zooming in on your lumpy ass moles that you definitely have to go to the dermatologist for.

It’s good but completely unoriginal advertising in the sense that sex always sells. I mean, hell, it works for PETA and NOH8 and anything breast cancer-related. Guys on Facebook are like, “Tell me what color your bra is, it’s for breast cancer, wink wink.” SURE.  Continue reading “Miley Uses Marc Jacobs Campaign as Excuse to SURPRISE … Get Naked!”

Ying Yang Twins Announce New Track “Miley Cyrus” On Upcoming Album

Ying yang twins teeth
The rudest thing you can say to someone when seeing them for the first time in awhile is “I thought you were dead!” And that’s exactly what I would have said to the Ying Yang Twins if I had run into them on the street before today. But alas, they’re still crankin’ along, and plan on releasing a new album Ass In Session, which will feature a track simply titled “Miley Cyrus.”

The Atlanta duo and self-proclaimed “leaders of twerk” probably checked out her newly released video for “We Can’t Stop.” It’s more or less a detailed montage of Miley “just bein’ Miley,” which apparently in 2013 means sticking her ass in the air, licking a giant doll, and of course, twerking (acting black is her new favorite past-time).  Continue reading “Ying Yang Twins Announce New Track “Miley Cyrus” On Upcoming Album”

Miley Cyrus Can’t Stop Being a Real Girl, Rips Off Internet Art in Latest Video

Miley Cyrus does pretty much everything you’d expect her to in the new “We Can’t Stop” video…

Shakes the ass like it has epilepsy, Parkinson’s and damage from a prior stroke, thrusts her pelvis at the ceiling above her bed and puts sunglasses on taxidermy animals who surely have better things to do.
Miley Cyrus french fry skullMcMiracles Christopher Chiappa
There’s also a skull made of french fries that may give you deja vu ’cause McMiracles by Christopher Chiappa (top right) has totally been floating around Tumblr and other digital avenues for years.

I finally realized what Miley looks like after the old-news haircut! You know those freaky sex dolls?
Miley Cyrus doll we can't stop
Like there’s probably a pristine, virginal-looking real doll, then maybe a few other alternative variations like the one that pops in an anal bead or two if you seduce it with Public Enemy songs?  Continue reading “Miley Cyrus Can’t Stop Being a Real Girl, Rips Off Internet Art in Latest Video”

Miley Shows Liam Hemsworth She’s Ready For Anal Penetration

Miley Cyrus ass in the air
Miley Cyrus has been promoting her new coke and MDMA-fueled single “We Can’t Stop” by spamming the crap out of her Twitter followers. In one of her more recent reminders, she wrote “editing #wecantstop” along with this wonderful picture of her in the traditional “downward dog wants anal” pose.

This was either a hello to Liam Hemsworth or an “I’ve got a love and I know that it’s all mine” message to Amanda Bynes, who totally thinks Liam is the most gorgeous white vagina-murderer in the land.

8====D Bonus Miley Cyrus arse pic here if that’s really something you’re not sick of yet <—–

Pamela Anderson, Michael Keaton and Miley Cyrus All Got Naked This Week

Pamela Anderson boobs 2013Michael Keaton nakedMiley Cyrus monokini
Partially naked Pamela Anderson, Michael Keaton and Miley Cyrus are like the three Fun Dip flavors, except fewer people want to lick the stick for fear of hepatitis (from at least two of them, right?).

Here’s how this happened… Pro white mamba charmer Pamela Anderson posed for Brazilian Vogue, actually looking better at 45 than monokini Miley on the new cover of her “We Can’t Stop” single...
Miley cyrus borat swimsuit
Then Michael Keaton, the only acceptable Batman, jumped around Times Square in his undies while filming Birdman, co-starring Emma Stone, Zach Galifianakis, Naomi Watts and Edward Norton.

I know your freaky ass is marrying Beetlejuice. But who do you f*ck and who do you kill?  Continue reading “Pamela Anderson, Michael Keaton and Miley Cyrus All Got Naked This Week”

Best and Worst Dressed at the 2013 Met Gala

beyonce-met-gala 2013
Does the Met Gala serve a purpose, besides as a platform for celebs to outdo each other with extravagant designer gowns doused in gems that cost more than a box of black market livers?

WHO CARES. Look at the gold Givenchy dress Beyonce wore and weep poor-person tears.
Miley Cyrus Met Gala 2012Kristen Stewart Met Gala 2013
WORST: Miley Cyrus (in meshy Marc Jacobs) and Kristen Stewart (in Stella McCartney).

Red pajamas and hair like Angelica’s Rugrats doll? It’s not their fault. Everyone at the ball dressed like a urinal at CBGB because it was the opening of the PUNK: Chaos to Couture exhibition.
Rooney Mara GivenchyTaylor Swift Met Gala 2013
BEST: Rooney Mara (in Givenchy) and Taylor Swift (in J. Mendel). CLICK for more insane dresses…

God Help Us: Miley’s New Album ‘Sounds Like Her Personality’

Miley Cyrus V Magazine underwearSomebody’s been rummaging through Justin Bieber’s underwear drawer. Miley Cyrus dropped trou for V Magazine and talked about her new album and the rumors about her and Liam.

So much for her “A star is someone who doesn’t have to take her clothes off to be sexy” quote in Elle UK. V plays up the whole “she’s a new person because she cut her hair” thing, but I’m not buying it.

She looks like a new person, but she’ll always be Hannah Montana and the girl who ear-raped me with “Party in the U.S.A.” Speaking of that song, Miley still loves it, saying she’d never “take it back” because that would be like Billy Ray “saying that he hated ‘Achy Breaky.'”
Miley V magazine cover 2013Miley Cyrus V magazine cover 2013 Continue reading “God Help Us: Miley’s New Album ‘Sounds Like Her Personality’”

Miley Cyrus For Cosmopolitan, March 2013

Miley Cosmopolitan coverMiley Cyrus does a lot of name-dropping in her “It’s Miley, Bitches” interview with Cosmo. The names of her “competition” or radio buddies (Rihanna, Nicki Minaj, Ke$ha, Lady Gaga, Frank Ocean), collaborators (Tyler, The Creator, Mary J. Blige), influences (Johnny Cash, Nelly, Dolly Parton) and of course her husband, Liam not-Thor Hemsworth.

On being herself on her new album: I really didn’t want to make a hip-hop record, and I’m not trying at all to be a Rihanna or a Nicki [Minaj]….That’s not my vibe.

Her musical background: When I was growing up, my older brother would sneak me Nelly CDs, my dad had me listening to Dolly [Parton] and Johnny [Cash], and my mom is a complete metal head. So this record is a weird mixture of all that.  Continue reading “Miley Cyrus For Cosmopolitan, March 2013”

Beliebers Start Mass Wrist Cutting Trend on Twitter After Pot Scandal

Sad Justin BieberWhat do we know about Justin Bieber‘s fans? Well, we know that they’re teenage girls with low self-esteem and a lot of free time.

The thing is, after I found out that an anonymous user tricked hundreds, maybe thousands of his fans into making “#cut4bieber” trend on Twitter, I realized I may have underestimated just how extreme they are.

I figured Beliebers were cutting themselves because he’s become even more of a media target, but TMZ is reporting that they’re disappointed in his recent extracurricular activities and they think a Bic razor to the wrist might stop him.  Continue reading “Beliebers Start Mass Wrist Cutting Trend on Twitter After Pot Scandal”

Miley Cyrus Not Surprised (Or Concerned) That a Paparazzo Was Killed Chasing The Biebs

Miley Cyrus beanMiley Cyrus has inserted her [unasked for] opinion on the death of Chris Guerra, the photographer who was hit on his way back to his car after snapping photos of Justin Bieber’s white Ferrari.

Cyrus says “It is unfair for anyone to put this on to Justin’s conscious as well! This was bound to happen!” adding that the paparazzi are “fools” who make it impossible for anyone to be safe.

Then she played the Princess Diana card, which is an easy card to play considering she was beautiful and kind and basically the most beloved person in the entire world. Justin Bieber is no Princess Diana. He’s more of a drawn-out constipation.

Continue reading “Miley Cyrus Not Surprised (Or Concerned) That a Paparazzo Was Killed Chasing The Biebs”

Miley Cyrus Doesn’t Sound Half-Bad Singing ‘Jolene’ In Her Backyard

Miley Cyrus microphoneMiley Cyrus covered Dolly Parton’s 1973 hit “Jolene” over the summer, and I hate to say this, but out of all the covers I’ve heard, this is actually one of the best.

Let’s go over the more well-known “Jolene” recordings.

There’s the “Hello Operator” B-side by The White Stripes. Jack White means and sings well but sounds too much like a drowning coyote to rate on any known scale.

Then there’s British songstress Laura Marling‘s live cover with Mumford & Sons. I love her and she does a great imitation for a girl from Eversley, but it is just that… an imitation of Dolly’s Tennessee drawl. Continue reading “Miley Cyrus Doesn’t Sound Half-Bad Singing ‘Jolene’ In Her Backyard”

Miley Cyrus Got What She Wanted For Her Birthday

Miley Cyrus stripper buttLike all Disney-related acts before her, Kiyomi from The Real L Word Miley Cyrus has made the transition from butterfly-loving cutie patootie to crunk, stripper-fondling, underfed member of ICP.

“If I don’t get atleast one big booty hoe my friends are officially not my friends anymore,” Cyrus wrote before her 20th birthday party last month.

You know it was a good get-together when random, Vegas-y photos are still surfacing (TMZ dug this one up yesterday).

To recap, Miley Cyrus still has friends and Liam Hemsworth has officially seen less naked girls than his wife has (see her performance at “Christmas Creampies”).  Continue reading “Miley Cyrus Got What She Wanted For Her Birthday”

Miley Cyrus is a Dead Ringer for One of Will Smith’s Offspring

Miley Cyrus Willow SmithMiley Cyrus did the full monty earlier this week. It all started with the shaggy cut, then the Mohawk, then this weird front fringe thing, then ultimately it all had to come off.

See Britney? This is the way to gradually go bald, pay someone $900 a session to make it look semi-normal.

In a way, Miley “rocks” her look by matching it with “edgier” clothes. On the other hand – she still has baby face and looks too kiddish to rock such a grown up style. She looks like Willow Smith‘s older sister on bleached Kelvin instagram filter.

On a side note, I bet her Hottie McNormal fiance, Liam Hemsworth is wishing he didn’t dump his female girlfriend of five years to have underage sex with Jesse Pinkman.